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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help with University open day

48 replies

Virgo28 · 23/06/2018 14:37

DD1 (17) is just finishing her first year of A levels and has started looking at universities. She went to one open day last weekend with her friends and has arranged another one next week. A friend commented that she was surprised we were letting her go with her friends and not going with her. I was thinking that she could initially have a look with her friends and then when she had a definite list we would go together. AIBU to have agreed to do it this way. Tia

OP posts:
snozzlemaid · 02/09/2018 19:12

Oh my. This is going to cost us a fortune next year isn't it.
We're in Cornwall and will be a major trek to get to visit any. Most likely an overnight stay as well.
Best get saving.

CraftyGin · 02/09/2018 19:14

bloody hell Edinburgh AND Canterbury?! I'm tired just thinking about it!!

My DD firmed Edinburgh and has Southampton as her insurance.

Both Open Days were a train journey, although Edinburgh’s was longer and involved 2 nights in a hotel.

daisypond · 02/09/2018 19:19

Mine went on her own, not even with friends, to all her open days.

DarthLipgloss · 02/09/2018 19:22

I work at a university and am on the stand for a very popular course.
As the other poster said, the young people who come with parents (the majority now) hardly ever speak to us, i like it when the unaccompanied ones come as they do engage and its nice to get a feel for what they know about the subject and the uni.
However I dont feel strongly about either way.

Iused2BanOptimist · 02/09/2018 19:43

Yes. It's expensive unless you are lucky enough to live a short trip away.
Flying To Edinburgh (and staying with grandparents) was substantially cheaper than peak time trains across the country! I don't envy you coming up from Cornwall Snozzle (though it's a lovely place to live).

CharltonLido73 · 02/09/2018 19:52

My daughters did a mixture of going with friends / going with me to their Open Days. The most useful aspects are the subject talks and the tours offered by current students, which really give a feel and flavour of the place. On that basis it doesn't matter much if a parent is or is not there. Being able to check out the accommodation is also a plus.

What really annoyed me regarding my younger daughter, who had visited her five choices and made her application (Physics) was that some of the universities then "invited" her for subject-specific visits. This would have meant further transport costs. Her top choice (Birmingham) were fine when I contacted them to say that she had already been to the dept, had spoken to members of staff and had made Birmingham her first choice. They confirmed that non-attendance at this subject day would not hinder her application. Bristol, however, was the only university not to make a conditional offer. This would, apparently, only be made if she attended the Subject Day. Having already made one visit and not having been overly impressed, she withdrew her application.

5foot5 · 02/09/2018 20:08

Like a PP I was surprised how things have changed.

I started University in 1980 and I did all my visits alone. It never occurred to me or my parents that they should go.

When DD went to her first Open Day I bought her a train ticket and sent her off on her own. It was a London university and we live in the North West of England. She said she was the only person there without their parent. In fact one mother who couldn't stay even asked DD to look after her daughter!!

We then had a talk from the school where they recommended parents to go too so we did go with her to the rest. Actually we enjoyed it and found them very interesting. I really don't think we were guilty of asking more questions than DD.

SauvignonBlanche · 02/09/2018 20:13

I wish my DD would go with some of her mates Envy I’m bored of it all.
She’s just announced she wants to go to Nottingham in a couple of weeks, I’ll ask her if any of her friends are interested in there.

NeverKnowWhat · 02/09/2018 20:30

I didn't go to any open days with my parents (unusual in my peer group) but this was because of costs and that I actually lived fairly independently from my mother.

During an open day I approached a tutor and had a long chat with them regarding the content of the course, also mentioning where I was from (relevant as it's a unique location) etc. They mentioned how I was one of only a handful if prospective students to approach then, and that normally it was the parents.

I missed the grades I needed however was given a place regardless. On phoning to confirm I happened to speak with that same tutor who remembered me and said it was because I had demonstrated in conversation with her I was suited to the course.

Long story short: your daughter will soon be living independently - it's a good thing she's confident enough to go without your support. It may also work in her favour. Smile

MiamiLogic · 02/09/2018 20:46

I went to a mix of open days with and without my mum. I don’t think it’s that big a deal. All I would say is don’t be that obnoxious parent asking the poor student ambassador a hundred questions about things they don’t know about and making them feel embarrassed in front of everyone. I still feel sorry for that girl all these years later...

orangejuicer · 03/09/2018 01:14

Having spent many years running university open days in an academic dept...

Do whatever your DC is comfortable with but if you do go, leave them to chat and find things out for themselves. Do not be 'that parent'. It does not look good if a parent does all the talking as it rarely stops once DC starts their degree and the inevitable phone calls about DC and their homework.

Anyhow I digress. Turn up whenever you like for open days (subject to booking specific activities of course). Most if not all subjects will have visit days which are more important to attend. And Bristol are pretentious Grin

possumgoddess · 03/09/2018 09:16

Goodness how things have changed! When I was applying to university my parents were actually out of the country and I certainly didn't go with friends, I went on my own. I had been taking 2 trains (4 1/2 hour journey) to school at the beginning and end of term and at half term since I was ten, in the sixth form I was expected to be able to do my own laundry and manage my own finances, why on earth would I need to take anyone with me? The decision as to which university I went to would be mine (and my grades!) Yes it was a long time ago but it wasn't THAT long ago and it was pre mobile phones and computers. I was expected to be able to make my own travel arrangements and to get there and back when I was expected to be there and back, and I managed fine. Yes it was scary but being expected to be able to do things on my own meant that I could do things on my own, and university IS pretty scary anyway. When I got to university I would have to do everything for myself so it was really good training to be able to do so. And it also helped me to get a better idea of what it would be like to live there as well. Loughborough was brilliant, I was escorted around by a load of rugby players, it wasn't my first choice of university before but it helped it get closer to the top! Give your child the independence they want/need to make this first step into adulthood. They may choose to go with you, or to go with their friends, or on their own and if they do want to do that it is not a bad thing.

Hillarious · 03/09/2018 09:35

Just about to kick this whole process off with DC3, and we've done no open days yet. With DC1, we did two uni open days close to home just to get a feel of what a university is like. Research was then done on line for courses. We ruled out London (expense, lack of a university community feel compared to other cities) and campus universities, settled on a northern city experience and she applied accordingly. Got offers for all five and we then did two offer holder days, which were so much more informative than the general open days. With DC2, we did a uni close to grandparents (for convenience) and he went to stay with DC1 and did the open day on his own.

I think it's a bit bonkers to do uni visits to all five (or more) universities that you'll put on your UCAS form, unless you have lots of time and money at your disposal. There is so much information available on line. Everyone is doing an excellent sales job on the day, and anyway, wherever you end up - firm, insurance or clearing - if you go along with the right attitude, you'll have a great time.

Save the bulk of the visits for the offer holders open days, and do go with them. Some universities lay on talks specifically for parents, and however independent your off-spring might be, someone (and that someone is most likely you) needs to have a good understanding of the finances.

Elephant14 · 03/09/2018 20:46

Save the bulk of the visits for the offer holders open days, and do go with them

What? What is this? And subject specific open days too?!!

GertrudetheFifth · 03/09/2018 20:50

I went on my own, except to one in a nice town where my parents fancied a weekend away. Then they drove me and paid for a B&B and meals. They did their own thing (museums/seeing old friends) during the actual open day though.

Hillarious · 04/09/2018 14:29

Once you get your offer, there's an opportunity to go along to a subject specific open day. The information is more relevant than a general university open day.

serbska · 04/09/2018 14:37

My mum took me to all my open days.

Was nice to have someone to go with and to discuss with.

serbska · 04/09/2018 14:41

Bristol, however, was the only university not to make a conditional offer. This would, apparently, only be made if she attended the Subject Day. Having already made one visit and not having been overly impressed, she withdrew her application.

I went to the Bristol open day and the department totally put me off applying! They were total dicks.

RandomObject · 04/09/2018 14:46

I went alone in 2006.

I did campus tours when at uni and met SO MANY overbearing parents, I felt sorry for quite a lot of the kids. Properly 'oh DD won't be interested in the students union nightclub as she is SO FOCUSED on her studies I don't imagine her ever having time to go'.

I tried to get them on their own during the tours to give them bits of info about uni life that mummy and daddy wouldn't be happy to hear.

PlatypusPie · 04/09/2018 14:56

Went to 2 with DD1, who then applied to and went toa Cambridge college we hadn’t seen anyway; DD2 wanted me to go with and see virtually every uni that did her course - became very familiar with the railway timetable and kept seeing the same student/parent combos en route. Most people had only one parent with them on these visits, we noticed. Being able to research on line is not everything - DD2 was convinced one uni was going to be her top choice until we visited it and loathed it and another, seen in vile weather and with a lot of disruptive building work instantly felt ‘right’ .

ByGaslight · 04/09/2018 16:07

At my institution, there are general open days at this time of year for people to get a sense of the institution and courses in the general area of study (via course talks) and then, if they apply to us, we invite them to a dedicated day in early Spring to get a much more detailed picture of what studying a particular course will be like. Potential students should go to both.

It's important that students like the idea of going to a particular institution, will feel supported there and feel ok living in that area. The benefits of university courses are heavily dependent on what students put in themselves so it's not a good start if you don't really want to study at that institution.

At this stage, it's also about getting a feel for teaching staff. Some of the research-led institutions will advertise their whizzo research names without mentioning that, because these people are busy researching and trawling for grants, they mostly won't be teaching undergrads - that job often goes to teaching assistants who are usually people finishing their own postgrad studies, TAs may be brilliant but not many are trained to teach - undergrads should be taught by a mixture of people, and the bulk of them should be experienced teachers. Published research is available to everyone, so while it's of benefit to the institution to have lots funded research there, that doesn't especially affect undergrads, so potential students should ask who'll be teaching them and should meet them and be able to chat. If you're shown around by admissions staff alone, ask yourself why.

Potential students should ask about resources for the courses they're interested in: a crucial factor being numbers, you may get shown great kit / facilities but how many undergrads are sharing them is another question. You won't be able to tell how good a library is from looking at it, most resources are electronic and online now. How much subject-specific scholarship and other informations resources is subscribed to is an another question to ask. Beware of institutions who don't have IT facilities for all students: everything students research, write and submit at my institution is online now, IT provision (fast connections, universal wifi, enough easily-accessible computer terminals for every student who needs them them to work) is essential these days, so ask about that.

Also, if an undergrad is intending to stay in halls, see them, the full tour, and pay attention to the literature describing them and other campus facilities (watch out for split sites). Most will move out in second year, so ask about where people normally move to and how the institution supports that. At any decent open day, you should be able to talk to undergrads who are doing the course you're interested in and those who've graduated from it.

All these things matter because students . Most potential students come with parents, and we split them up for different tours and talks, so the young people have a chance to be themselves and chat on their own behalf but because they're also shy and won't necessarily think of pragmatic questions, parents can be a good back-up, asking those questions for them. As long as parents keep themselves mainly in the background and don't hog / Gestapo-interrogate the staff, overbear their own embarrassed children or try to make their children's minds up for them, they're a help usually. I'd go with them, at the Autumn open days for preference.

ByGaslight · 04/09/2018 16:09
  • All these things matter TO students.
MissConductUS · 04/09/2018 16:50

As long as parents keep themselves mainly in the background and don't hog / Gestapo-interrogate the staff, overbear their own embarrassed children or try to make their children's minds up for them, they're a help usually. I'd go with them, at the Autumn open days for preference.

DS just started uni this week. We went as a family (me, DH, DD and DS) to all of his visits and campus tours. We tried not to be too obtrusive, and I think it was valuable for all of us to go. DH and I have both been to uni and gotten post graduate degrees, and there is so much information thrown at you in a short space of time that it's useful to compare notes and impressions together after the visit.

None of the universities we went to split the prospective students and the parents during the initial visits. They did do that this summer for his orientation after he accepted their offer and I think it was useful then.

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