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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To challenge the CMS calculation

107 replies

UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 08:28

Dp has 2 dc (14 and almost 16)

He was paying for them through the CSA but the case was closed due to switching to the CMS.

He’s received a new calculation from the CMS which is (roughly £100 a month) higher than before. He queried this and his ex has told the CMS that the dc don’t stay over at our house anymore. This isn’t true. They’re supposed to be with him Friday night one week and Saturday night the next, but being teenagers they pop their heads in and go straight back out with their friends. 9/10 they are sleeping over one or other of their friends houses on one of the nights but he is still responsible for them those nights.
The older one also has a babysitting job so depending on if they have a job that weekend is whether or not they turn up.

He normally pays the amount the CSA suggests plus half of uniforms/trips, pays their phone contracts and gives them £10 a week each. we also take them clothes/shoe shopping twice a year and get the majority of what they need.

We are not well off and are just about breaking even each month. This £100 will mean we will struggle. I have 2 teen DC (who spend the weekends in a similar way) and we have 2 toddler dc together.

The contact is court ordered but we’ve allowed the dc to choose to go out/stay with friends if they like. DP is loathe to make them stick exactly to the script as we will then have unhappy DC, plus it will be treating them different to my own DC which we’re conscious of not doing.

We are lucky(?) enough to all live within 5 minutes of each other so his DC often come here straight from school to hang out with my DC, or for dinner a few times a week (depending on what we’re having😂) so we do actually see them a lot more than I’ve suggested.

How do we handle this?

Does DP suck it up and pay the extra or should he challenge it and explain that they should be staying over but choose not to? Or should we enforce the court order and make them stay at ours/not let them go for sleepovers or babysit?

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 23/06/2018 19:53

Op, I think it would cause bad feeling to pay less and would say to pay the £100, it is only for 2 years more.Amciable is worth more than £25 pw.

School trips are usually additional costs as well as the clothes that you buy for them.
Your choice on phones but I think if he is not around for his dc much paying a little extra would be the right thing to do.

Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 20:02

He pays £68 per week maintenance. New calculation says he should pay £51, that’s taking into consideration that he’s paying towards the twins upbringing.

He’ll continue to pay the £68 per week.

He Explained this to his exP and got a shitty text from her saying she’ll take him back to court for the extra money. Don’t think she understands she’s getting more than what they have suggested.

OP posts:
Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 20:05

@lifebegins50 we pay half of school trips/uniforms/phones on top of the maintenance as well as a summer/winter shopping spree for all the dc. They get no more or less than what the others get.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 23/06/2018 20:08

Wow £51 quid for 2 dc that’s 25 quid a week per child,which is an insult I’m glad that your sticking to the £68 but think about it that’s £34 a week which works out less than 5 pounds a day that’s not a lot for dc is it? The extra amount would have worked out at £46 a week per child which is roughly about 6 pounds a day..

Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 20:20

I’ve got a feeling that even if I said he pays hundreds a week you’d find something to nitpick at. If you look at the figures that means he only ‘pays’ £17 a week between our dc.

I didn’t want to get into it but if you add it all up we actually pay more towards his dc than the benefits his ex survives on pays, so you can be snidy all you like. His dc don’t have less than mine, or ours together, they are all equal in our home so I don’t think we’ve done anything wrong by not paying the extra money.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 23/06/2018 20:31

Your dc also have your income aswell as your dps as your a joint household. He still has a financial responsibility to his children he fathered outside of your relationship. I’m not being “snidely” but it’s easy to break down and look at the figures here and see there’s not a lot realistically especially as teenagers are so expensive. It’s great you pay there phones however there is a basic financial need that needs to be met.

Justneedsomeinfo · 23/06/2018 20:33

OP it's a difficult situation for all the reasons outlined. Their mum hasn't actually lied to CMS about their overnight stays but seeing as every thing was so amicable why didn't they just agree the old amount between themselves without
CMS involvement.
Just for the record if I am right in understanding that you have 2 DC and then twins with your DH - and that you 6 live together. You know all 4 children can be considered in his claim as children of the household. Not sure if you meant your elder 2 are already included from old CSA case.

MrsJonSno · 23/06/2018 20:35

If the Court Order states they are with you those nights and if they are your responsibility, they’d be with you if not with friends and you provide meals or cash in lieu of meals to eat whilst out then that’s fine. Send the Court Order in to CMS and they will go by that.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 23/06/2018 20:36

Justneedsomeinfo

Wow you just advised op to add her other two from a previous relationship to stick the boot in again on the RP Biscuit

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 23/06/2018 20:41

Wow, a whole £34 a week per teen Hmm

School dinners alone here cost around £20 a week at senior age.

Once adults they will see for themselves how his choice for a second family impacted on his first family.

Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 20:44

And his dc have their mum/her dps income as well as what he pays. And he puts more into the kitty than her.

No, elder 2 are not included in any claim. He only mentioned the twins when he was on the phone and they took their names/dob and said they’d be taken into consideration when calculating the new amount. As I’ve already said I pay more into the pot for my dc - it’s not half and half. He pays 1/3 and I pay 2/3 of all food/bills/mortgage etc. Myself and my ex pay for my elder 2. He pays just a few pounds more in maintenance than dp does for his dc, but my ex had a huge inheritance a few years back so has more money to treat his dc when he sees them (only school holidays at the moment as he lives abroad)

OP posts:
sailorcherries · 23/06/2018 20:45

Christ, the poor woman is getting lynched because she is a step-parent.
They had more children at a time when it was financially viable and then circumstances changed; it happens to a lot of people.
Mum has lied to the CMS about the children being overnight. During those days the OP and her husband feed them and are the main point of contact, regardless of where they stay. RPs are allowed to send their children to grandparents/relatives/friends for sleepovers without the masses saying they are not looking after their children fornthose for those days.
OP has also said that, on the whole, the DSC are their more than the court order states and that her DP has always paid more than has been asked without issue.

OP I fully understand why you and your partner have done what you have done.

Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 20:46

Box sets I know how much school dinners cost - It feels like I’m constantly topping up my dcs parentpay account.

His dc get free school dinners as his ex/her dp don’t work

OP posts:
sailorcherries · 23/06/2018 20:47

Step parents can never do any right on MN when they aren't the RPs new partner OP.

You be explained that your DP contributes and is a good dad; that the kids are happy. Some people cannot accept that a NRP may actually contribute more to their child's upbringing than the RP.

sailorcherries · 23/06/2018 20:48

And Boxsets maybe the DSC will realise that their mother and step father made the decision not to work which affected them financially.

Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 20:49

And actually it was their mums choice to split their family up that has impacted them

OP posts:
Blizzardagain · 23/06/2018 20:54

Once adults they will see for themselves how his choice for a second family impacted on his first family.

Eh? Surely that logic applies to any family that has more than one child Hmm the more kids you have the more you have to stretch your funds regardless of it is all contained in "one" family or more.

RedForFilth · 23/06/2018 21:00

68 quid a week is definitely half the cost if raising two teenagers. How greedy of the evil ex to ask for more Hmm

MyNameIsNotSteven · 23/06/2018 21:00

You really dislike your DH's ex, don't you OP? Your DSC will know this which is a shame.

Original poster
UserWhatYouLike · 23/06/2018 21:22

I neither like or dislike her.

So come on then, everyone saying he doesn’t pay enough. What should he pay per child?

He earns £495 per week before deductions.(he’s a paramedic). also has to pay towards Council tax, Utilities, Food, Travel to work, Insurances.

Remember he’s got 4 children to support. £100 each child? £50? What do you think?

OP posts:
WyfOfBathe · 23/06/2018 21:25

Once adults they will see for themselves how his choice for a second family impacted on his first family.

If you have more children, the money gets split further. My stepdaughter and daughter both live with us full time and we get no maintenance . Of course, if we hadn't had DD2, then we could afford more trips to Legoland or a fancier bike for StepDD. But they're both fed, clothed and happy and it's the same in families where the parents are together.

HellenaHandbasket · 23/06/2018 21:31

Honestly, any child with more that follow has the same issue. My daughter would ride every day of the week on her own horse had we not had her siblings.

DrCoconut · 23/06/2018 21:37

That's why I'm glad I've always fended for myself rather than claimed maintenance, it always seems to bring out the worst in people. I've seen several previously amicable situations trashed over a few quid a week (both ways too). If the OP partner is paying £68 per week and will continue to do so then that seems fair enough. It's what he's previously been assessed at (and more than he's currently liable for), was presumably considered ok before, not reduced due to having more children and he pays for other things too. It sounds like a bit of opportunism and if the ex gets shitty about it he should just pay the £51 and see how she likes it then. After all, it was her idea to review it.

NoFucksImAQueen · 23/06/2018 21:53

I'm shocked by these responses. ok yanbu at all!

Justneedsomeinfo · 23/06/2018 22:26

OP don't listen to the garbage on here. It amazes me all these posters who come on ranting about first and second families - like separated parents can't have more children if they wish.