To just think fuck it. DH related

[KittyVonCatsworth]

Setting out the stall. He’s definitely not having an affair. We live (temporarily) with his parents, he works with his dad, no time or opportunity to have an affair. He’s been so FUCKING miserable for the past week. The normal loving, complentary DH I know has been replaced with a fucking mardy, huffy cuntflap and I have no idea why. Absolutely no interest in what’s happening in my life. I’m applying for loads of jobs atm and doing some contract work in between but he’s not texting ‘good luck’ messages like he did in the past, don’t ask how interviews went. Just shows absolutely no interest in me or my work. I always ask not just how his day has been but ask ‘did you find such and such because yesterday you had a problem with thst’ And always ask ‘is there anything I can do for you tomorrow’. It’s just very one sided. I understand that I’ve possibly been the stress bunny in our house and I’ve tried to react how I’d like to be treated but I’m a very bit tired.

He’s 40, im 42, does this have something to do with it? He’s being such a dick just now and my inertia is wearing fucking thin. I’ve almost cried in front of his mum, she knew I was upset but shooed her away. It’s her boy, she’s not going to objective.

We’re both hopeless at communicating as we both get very defensive. How do I sort this without blowing it into something more?
He just seems so unhappy. He puts on (we both do actually) an act to save the uncomfortable silences and explosive arguments in front of the outlaws. If we have a blowout it’s the end of the world (not really but it feels like it) but the silence and skirting around it is worse! I don’t want to put my PiL through this but his DM picked up on something and I struggled to keep it together.

Advice and opening discussion is very much appreciated x

Actually when I say the past week when I look back and it’s probably been closer to the past month.

No, don't 'fuck it'. Work on it. This is marriage. Try to see things from this point of view. He's living with parents, you're not earning, he's probably feeling really shit about himself. Empathize, work together, fix the problems, move forward. 'Leave The Bastard' won't necessarily make things any better. He's miserable, but he's not attacking you, is he?

Why are you living there? How much longer? Is that what he's finding stressful?

How long are you living with his parents? This is what jumped out at me straight away. If I was in that position I know I'd be like an antichrist on a particularly bad day. I suspect the pressure of having no space and/or time to yourselves is just getting to him.

Definitely don't fuck it. I imagine the stress of working a lot then going back to his parents where he lives with his wife for whatever reason has affected him. He might have depression or under too much stress, find out what's going on with him, people don't change in an instant he might have some MH problems.

You’re right leafy. I know he doesn’t like living with his DP. I know he feels like a manchild doing it but essentially it was his choice for us both and I supported it, despite saying it was the wrong thing to do but it does help with saving/bills. I get it. I get the fact that he’s in his 40’s and living with his DP and how that must make him feel but HE made the decision to do that to allow us to save some cash. I supported him in that decision but knowing it is the quicker solution rather than living separately and saving slowly. He chose this. We’ve done it before and it did my head in. It’s not a dealbreaker but fuck me I’ve lost him a bit.

We’ve said we’ll do until the end of the year. We did it before and I demanded we move out due to arguments and lack of ‘intimacy’ which causes another set of rows but ones I can handle.

I hear you MN and I’ll try and be sympathetic to our position. I just don’t want to be his whipping boy that’s all. I don’t like it any more than he does. And I have to put up with his DM more than he does 😂 I mean that half heartedly but she is quite a handful!

He might have thought it was a good idea at the time. He might have thought it would be worth it. He might be changing his mind and struggling with that. Maybe more so because he has to admit you were right and he was wrong.

If he wants to change now, is it possible?

Yeah definitely possible. I’m a week or 2 away from a job but even without it we could more than manage. He’s a stubborn fecker and so am I and finds it hard to admit he was wrong. I hope it’s just a blip.

Meant to say thank you to you all x

Well, a quicker update than I thought but hey fucking ho. He’s decided that he’s not been happy for over a year (kinda news to me). We went for a drive today and he dropped this on me. I’ve given him options that he either wants to work at it or not and he said he doesn’t know anymore. Sick of the cuntfuckery, and there’s a lot so I’ve called time on it.
I’m going to put myself here but I was SadandAnnoyed on a previous thread, which is just fucking tragic. I’m done. I’m absolutely done with the whole headfuck and making excuses. I’m having one day of wallowing and that’s fucking it. Done. I don’t need this, he doesn’t need it. If anyone’s interested in hearing my thought process I will quite happily transcript the whole sorry cunting saga and everyone can tell me how fucking well rid of him. I am never going to have another fucking relationship as long as I fucking live.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3268667-To-ask-how-I-handle-this
There you go. That’s the back story. I await everyone who’ll tell me I’m a fucking fool for wasting my fucking time. I’m a fucking clueless fuckwit.
Thankfully his mum has been very supportive just now. He shit himself when he threw what he thought were empty threats around but now I’m calling it it, he’s turning inside out. You could write a script I’m sure. I’m remaiming impassive and giving him fuck all. It’s all the cunt deserves. I’m madder than a fucking mad thing that he thinks I’ve put him through hell in the past year. I very much reminded him that it wasn’t a fucking walk in the park for me either. For 2 years.

What's done is done. You have taken control now, so I wish you well for the future.

Gosh I’ve just read the OP of your other thread.

I’m glad you’ve split up from him he’s a nasty bastard. Do you have anywhere to go? Women’s aid may beable to help if you don’t.

I’m glad you’re out of it, love.

You sound v level headed- your plan to wallow for a day and then fuck it, move on, sounds perfect.

Have you got friends or family you can lean on? I bet they think he’s a tosser too...

Nope. Nobody other than me myself and fucking I and that’s how I plan to have it for a very very long time.

I’m still at his parents. It’s a 3 storey fuck off house so I’ve taken on the third storey because it never gets used. Its easy to stay out of his way for the time being and he won’t do any cuntfuckery (recognised in autocorrect btw) until I can get sorted.

I know I can be a nightmare to live with but I deserve a lot fucking more than this and if cuntflaps thinks I’m going to be the apologetic little woman walking on eggshells and trying to prove that I’m not that much of a nightmare for the rest of my days then the sorry piece of shit has got another think in him. And I bought a packet of fags and chain smoked them just out of fucking spite 😂 FUCK HIM AND THE FUCKING HORSE HE WALKED IN ON! Fuck him fuck him fuck him. It hurts like a shitting bitch but FUCK HIM. Can you tell I’m mad 😂 inertia though, fucking bollocksy inertia.

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuunt. Sorry 😂 I don’t have another vent place 😂

I've just finished a tub of Häagen Dazs - I think you need one of those to wallow with

You're a thousand percent better off out of this sham marriage - reading your other thread I thought you may be quite young then you mentioned kids and I'm a bit surprised, he sounds like a spoilt teenager! The whole job thing sounds like as a jealous caveman he didn't like the idea of you being the successful one, but dislikes the reality of it even less - you deserve far better than a twat who values you only for what you can give him. I really hope the next few weeks aren't too hard for you while you get back on your feet and start a wonderful new chapter of your life without the wanky little manchild and his selfishness

You’re be way happier without twat face bringing you down. You know this.

I’m glad you’re splitting up. He sounds awful. Glad his mum is being supportive. Your plan to wallow for a day then swing into action sounds good too. Wishing you strength and

@cheeseislife you’ve nailed it sweets. He’s never got over the fact that I can pretty much command jobs I take because I’m highly qualified, very experienced and more employable than him (we used to work in the same job). He quit his study (we were doing a similar qualification at the time) but I fought through going through the same thing.

He’s a mysogoginst. Stupid things like the lord sugar tweet. I responded that I found it wholly inappropriate and racist and he said I was a Libtard who couldn’t take a joke. We were watching the football at the time and he was very very vitriolic about the female commentator and how it ruined his viewing (he hates football anyway) and just picked for an argument. He got very annoyed when I wouldn’t engage in a discussion about it. He’s a fucking woman hating arsehole that needs to stay single.

Again, sorry for the rant. I can’t lose my cool in real life as losing it will mean losing control. And by fuck am I going to give that cunt the satisfaction. Thank you all, please bear with me on this. Sad though it is, it’s all I’ve got just now xx

Read your other post. Not judging, or thinking you a fool. People like that are great at manipulation. I'm glad you're choosing to get out. Good for you. It hurts, but not as much as staying with him will in the end. Stay strong.

Just read your other thread. Yes, this is a great day for you because you are finally free of that awful bloke! It may not feel like it today

Don't let him talk you into another round. He seems just the type to panic over losing control and promise anything to get you back. Run!!

So glad you're calling time on the relationship and the asshole.

You will be well rid. Well rid! He sounds like an abusive twat.