To just think fuck it. DH related

[KittyVonCatsworth]

Setting out the stall. He’s definitely not having an affair. We live (temporarily) with his parents, he works with his dad, no time or opportunity to have an affair. He’s been so FUCKING miserable for the past week. The normal loving, complentary DH I know has been replaced with a fucking mardy, huffy cuntflap and I have no idea why. Absolutely no interest in what’s happening in my life. I’m applying for loads of jobs atm and doing some contract work in between but he’s not texting ‘good luck’ messages like he did in the past, don’t ask how interviews went. Just shows absolutely no interest in me or my work. I always ask not just how his day has been but ask ‘did you find such and such because yesterday you had a problem with thst’ And always ask ‘is there anything I can do for you tomorrow’. It’s just very one sided. I understand that I’ve possibly been the stress bunny in our house and I’ve tried to react how I’d like to be treated but I’m a very bit tired.

He’s 40, im 42, does this have something to do with it? He’s being such a dick just now and my inertia is wearing fucking thin. I’ve almost cried in front of his mum, she knew I was upset but shooed her away. It’s her boy, she’s not going to objective.

We’re both hopeless at communicating as we both get very defensive. How do I sort this without blowing it into something more?
He just seems so unhappy. He puts on (we both do actually) an act to save the uncomfortable silences and explosive arguments in front of the outlaws. If we have a blowout it’s the end of the world (not really but it feels like it) but the silence and skirting around it is worse! I don’t want to put my PiL through this but his DM picked up on something and I struggled to keep it together.

Advice and opening discussion is very much appreciated x

Kitty you need to get out of there - do you have a plan?

Oh LORD, you've had a lucky break! You're well rid of him and I'm sure your mental load will lighten by 1000% once you're out of his parent's house (as nice as his mum seems to be).

As far as the future, I agree, it's always best to stay single and concentrate on oneself and friendships for awhile. After a particularly nasty breakup, I was in counseling for 18 months (to help me figure out why I picked such asshats) and voluntarily didn't date for 24 months (to refocus on myself and my neglected friends!). It was time well spent and I came out of it a much happier and confident 'me'. I met DH soon after, we've been married 30+ years and raised two children. Life's been good.

@littlerocketman again, I’m fucking outstanded at a strangers pov. He’s terrified of losing control. It’s almost like he wrote the script for other abusive little men out there. I had an overview of the script before I met him but every other arseclown were fucking puppets in the play. This lowlife fucking wrote the script and directed me (stupidly) willingly into playing the female role.

The next step is to keep it civil because I know he’s going to be a problem. Thankfully we don’t have assets and we don’t have children so strictly speaking we should have a clean split.

Kitty you need to get out of there - do you have a plan?

This ^^
Are you safe? I've read the Op on your linked thread and he is violent. Please make sure you are safe

@acrossthepond55 it’s reassuring that there’s life after this and you’re a testament to that xx once I get settled and I think I’m ready I might go for counselling (gulp) I’m happy you’ve found your one xx

@sleepingdragons yeah, I have a loose plan which is dependant on the job I take. Thankfully I’m very much wanted, just not by an abusing woman hating racist arseclown 😂 I’m incredibly fortunate and will never forget that. I just hope the fuckwombles next poor unsuspecting victim is just as fortunate xx

@cheerbear23 I am safe my lovely, thank you. Like a lot of abusing arsewipes, they’re very discreet and won’t let that guard down in front of anyone. His mum and dad are always around but if they’re not I will take MY car and take myself out xx

Kitty he will likely get more desperate for control when he realises you are really leaving.
Play your cards close to your chest and leave when he doesn't expect it.

Take some advice from WA or at least read their website.

Good luck

I lost count of the amount of times I didn't want sex with my xh but just put up with it, because the long way round was usually a violent (he beat me) argument with sex at the end anyway!

It's a truly awful place to be, and my xh was very similar to your h, with the gaslighting and just angry al, the time.

I'm so happy for you that you're getting out of it, he will only change if he wants to!

@nakedscientist (great name btw!) he’s fucking desperate right now. I told him I’d told my dad and the jaw was twitching. He’s so uncomfortable and out of control just now because I’ve left him hanging. The power is back to me, and this isn’t about him suffering I’m not so spiteful but for the first time in a while I’m in control xx

Sounds like your well rid, do you have somewhere to go ?

@chestoffields I’m so so sorry you’ve been through this too it’s a headfuck isn’t it xx

I can only speak for my POS (piece of shit) that they don’t want to change because they don’t see what they are and think it’s justifiable their actions. Damaged beyond all repair I think xxx

Folks, thank you for everything and just being there. I’m going to watch some shit on repeat tv but I hope you don’t mind me sharing my journey as I go along. I will need a vent and I hike my Internet weirdie family will listen to me along the way. A massive thank you so far xx

I remember your other thread and I'm so glad you're getting shot of him. So, so glad.

Safety first and all that, and good luck.

Just read your other op. You are so well rid!

Morning Kitty. Hope you are sleeping alright? I found the little things much more difficult to deal with when I’d been tossing and turning.
Let me say though, when I was free from my ex I slept beautifully. (Then the menopause struck but we won’t talk about that lol)

I’m feeling strangely elated from you. Jettison the cunt and get gone, gone, gone . . . There’s so much better out there for you (and I don’t mean men, particularly).