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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take 2 kids away for weekend while I work half day??

32 replies

toddlermom · 22/06/2018 22:09

DH and I just had massive massive row. I have to work next weekend huge work event which will be 3pm- midnight both sat and Sunday. But I don't want to leave 2 dds at home all weekend.

He wants me to leave Friday and come back Monday (3 hours from home, work pay for hotel there). I'm still breastfeeding baby and can't bear to leave her Friday to Monday but also I would miss both of them too much as well as the bf ing. He hates bfing and says I'm indulging her and have to stop. And that it's disgusting and unnatural.

So I have arranged and am paying for myself, their usual nanny for weekend to look after them at hotel while I'm working, hotel room for them and Nanny to sleep there too so they are close by. There's also horses, countryside, swimming, and a great kids club in hotel. So they ll have nice weekend too.

"D" H says I'm being selfish, it's all about me and I should leave them with Nanny in london all weekend without me. I actually am so tired working full time with both of them and dealing with him that I have no idea if Aibu or not. Am I being awful?? I just don't want to stop bffing yet and I couldn't bear not to see them both for 3 days!! At this stage I could happily not see him for 3 weeks...

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 22/06/2018 22:12

He hates bfing and says I'm indulging her and have to stop. And that it's disgusting and unnatural

^this alone is disgraceful. What’s with your DH?

But why don’t you leave the dds with him? Is it just the BF?

LongSummerDays · 22/06/2018 22:14

How can breastfeeding be unnatural? It's how mothers have fed children since Adam and Eve fgs!

Buckingfrolicks · 22/06/2018 22:16

Sounds like a great plan to me. He can have a weekend on his own. Sounds like he is a tosser tho

Trialsmum · 22/06/2018 22:16

Where will he be during the weekend?!

BackforGood · 22/06/2018 22:25

I'm waiting for the drip feed about how old the dds are......

PonderLand · 22/06/2018 22:27

It does seem a bit much to me that you're taking your children to a hotel while you work half the time. Does your h get much time with the children alone? Maybe they'd like to spend time together? Unless dad is invited too then ignore me.

ILoveDolly · 22/06/2018 22:29

What, seriously, what?! Your solution means the children benefit from a nice weekend and time with you as well as VITAL nourishment of bf.
Why can't he come instead of the nanny though? Is he working. I don't understand why the nanny is needed if he is free.
Does he want the children all weekend instead....... because that's ok too and he can surely do that once the bf period is over.....

Zeze247 · 22/06/2018 22:30

Why is he not looking after them? Sounds like if there going to be with the nanny anyway it has F’all to do with him

Leeds2 · 22/06/2018 22:33

Could DH not have come to the hotel too, instead of the nanny?

I would agree that if I were breastfeeding, I wouldn't want to be away from baby and what you have arranged seems ideal from that point of view. DH's attitude towards breastfeeding a baby seems very odd. How old is the baby?

tomhazard · 22/06/2018 22:36

Why isn't your dh looking after them?
How old is the baby?

Chocolate1984 · 22/06/2018 22:38

To be honest I find it all a bit much just so you can breastfeed. You are working 3-12 so will only see them in the morning when you will be rushing around getting dressed or probably wanting to sleep as you've had a late night. You've gone back to work so baby can't be feeding that much.

Leave them with your husband. If you take them away will he not miss them?

HazelBite · 22/06/2018 22:47

How old are the dd's?

Pesto37 · 22/06/2018 22:48

You sound insanely busy, breastfeeding, full-time career, placating weird husband and taking on his parental responsibility as well as your own. Could he not just come with you and look after his own kids?

CountTessa · 22/06/2018 22:49

Eeeerrr, you're a woman, you have breasts that produce milk.... Formula is a modern creation and before it we had wet nurses. He's a knobber. Do as you planned. He's jealous of the intimacy you have with your child and has decided to act like a toddler to get your attention. Best plan is to ignore him.

CaledonianQueen · 22/06/2018 22:50

9-3 or 7-3 is still a lovely amount of time to spend with your little ones! I don’t think you are BU, your H is, his comments about breastfeeding are what is disgusting and I am not surprised you would rather have the children close to you, rather than alone with him! I bet he has never changed a nappy either has he? Stick with your original plan op! Don’t let you h (who seriously has issues regarding his comments on bf’ing) bully you into stopping bf! Don’t stop until you are both ready!

Thehop · 22/06/2018 22:51

Sounds like your husband is a cock nostril and you are super mum!

High 5 for working and be, it’s bloody hard work. Sounds like your dd will have a fab weekend xx

Mintchocmummy · 22/06/2018 23:00

Sounds like you have a pretty demanding job and DH should be sharing the parenting responsibilities. Could you express or is that too ewww for him too? I respect the fact that you want your child to have the best nourishment but all these arrangements put a lot of pressure on you and you deserve to be cut some slack.
What is he doing while you’re away?

lifetothefull · 22/06/2018 23:01

How old are your children?

Original poster
toddlermom · 22/06/2018 23:57

The kids are 4 and 11 months. I'm breastfeeding the 11 month old before anyone asks!!

Husband is welcome to come to hotel too! He's doing a degree on top of vey full time job so he always wants to study on the weekends.

So I thought I was doing him a favour book I g Nsnny and paying for rooms for them so he isn't sole charge and I don't feel even more guilty than I already do!!

OP posts:
Original poster
toddlermom · 23/06/2018 00:02

Booking nanny. Sorry for typos. On phone while working on computer. Strangely emotional.

Thank you for your support, really kind of you. He is jealous of my bond with kids. And yes I know I only bf twice a day now but baby gets noticeably upset if I don't spend at least a few hours with her a day.

I just find it really hard to placate everyone. What does everyone else do?? How do you cope with unsupportive men who shout at you when you really are trying your best?? Not stealth brag but I really try hard for kids and for him and really upsetting to have him shout at me and then sulk. He's currently stormed off to spare room alone

OP posts:
Original poster
toddlermom · 23/06/2018 00:04

And yes selfishly I would miss them too if I didn't see them Friday-Monday. I know that's selfish but I can't imagine not seeing them every day. Even if just for 3 hours.

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 23/06/2018 00:04

The only "disgusting and unnatural" behaviour is from your OH

Is he usually so crass & stupid ?

spudlet7 · 23/06/2018 00:09

You sound like a loving Mum. Your husband sounds like a knob.

Myotherusernameisbest · 23/06/2018 00:09

I was going to say he'd probably have a point if your dd was like 7, but 11 months? He is being an absolute arse.

Sounds like you're doing a grand job under the circumstances and absolutely the right thing to take them with you.

I have no idea how you can deal with your dh though. So my input is purely a pat on back for you and hopefully someone else will have a few words of wisdom over dh.

giggly · 23/06/2018 00:11

In answer to the second part of your question about how others cope with unsupportive husbands I’m afraid my solution was to leave the bastardWink honestly haven’t looked back. “Indulging your children” wtaf

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