To take 2 kids away for weekend while I work half day??

[toddlermom]

DH and I just had massive massive row. I have to work next weekend huge work event which will be 3pm- midnight both sat and Sunday. But I don't want to leave 2 dds at home all weekend.

He wants me to leave Friday and come back Monday (3 hours from home, work pay for hotel there). I'm still breastfeeding baby and can't bear to leave her Friday to Monday but also I would miss both of them too much as well as the bf ing. He hates bfing and says I'm indulging her and have to stop. And that it's disgusting and unnatural.

So I have arranged and am paying for myself, their usual nanny for weekend to look after them at hotel while I'm working, hotel room for them and Nanny to sleep there too so they are close by. There's also horses, countryside, swimming, and a great kids club in hotel. So they ll have nice weekend too.

"D" H says I'm being selfish, it's all about me and I should leave them with Nanny in london all weekend without me. I actually am so tired working full time with both of them and dealing with him that I have no idea if Aibu or not. Am I being awful?? I just don't want to stop bffing yet and I couldn't bear not to see them both for 3 days!! At this stage I could happily not see him for 3 weeks...

He hates bfing and says I'm indulging her and have to stop. And that it's disgusting and unnatural.

I got as far as this and didn't need to read any further. I'm sorry, but your dh is an arse.

Putting aside your dh’s spectacularly dickish comment, did you ask him to look after the dds? Or assume he wouldn’t want to...

Yours sounds like a brilliant plan. I also would not leave a 11 month old breastfed baby for a weekend. In fact, I wouldn’t leave my 2 year old breastfed child for a weekend even though he is obviously less dependent on it from a nutritional standpoint than an 11 month old.

There is so much wrong with him in this post . B feeding the weekend is a long time away from them .

Of course you have a better bond because if he is working full time and then studying all the weekend he has no time with them .

The breastfeeding is unnatural applies in my mind if your children are 7. Not 11 months old . I suspect he wants his breasts back for himself.

If you are working 3-12 if up at 8 and go at 2 to work at 2 that is still 6 hours with them .

Tell him if he is so bothered you will go out next weekend and leave him to bond with the 2 kids . Bet he is not so interested then.

You are amazing.

I admire how you've sorted everything out so efficiently. It's a perfect plan.

Shame he can't see that. Shame you and everyone else can't open his eyes to that either.

It concerns me that you even doubt yourself. But I get that. Often the loudest voice is the strongest and can overwhelm people into thinking a loud protest much be an accurate one. That doesn't not always follow. You should trust your own judgement better than that.

As for your question about how other people cope with an unsupportive husband.... I, sadly, have some experience of that. For me, it helps a huge lot to stop looking to him for his valued input, because I know it won't be trustable. I either go it alone or I ask my close friends and Mumsnet. They are my substitute. To be honest, there are many times I've joked about feeling like a single parent from that POV.

I secondly try to filter what he tells me, and distance myself from his words so they don't wash over me and sway me. It makes for a sad relationship because to me, a relationship is the place you can feel safe and secure. With my decision making I have to keep him separate, but I let him in to other areas, for example, shared holidays, shared day trips out, shared house.

In my case it's the best of a bad situation. It's taken years, but he's slightly improved recently, which has rather taken me by surprise because I had stopped looking to him to change into a reasonable and considerate person and had accepted that this is who he is. Only he's mellowed a bit, so maybe it's more a case of who he was. Having said that, it's important you don't go looking for change though, that only brings heartache and disappointment!

So, the most important thing you can do is build yourself up, learnt to trust your own judgment better. Breastfeed until you decide, not him! You never get that time back.

The only weird thing about your arrangements is that you've had to organise the nanny!

If he went with you then you could have time with your DC in the morning while he studied, lunch together and then he takes the DC in the afternoon while you work. No need to pay anyone and everyone still gets the time to do what they want/need to do. That's how it should work in a partnership. Your DH sounds like an arse.

Thank you everyone, I am honestly so grateful. I was really doubting myself and thinking that I was crazy or indulgent or too difficult. I just would have been so sad to leave them all weekend.

Husband normally nice just old fashioned. Despite being mid 30s.

@NotClear thank you thank you for your post that's exactly how I feel and how I cope with things, you nailed it totally. I often accuse him of coercive control and he laughs and says he wishes he could control me but he actually does a lot of the time!! Thank you for understanding you and everyone. Feel a bit pathetic for putting up with it but not sure alternative as you say 🙈🙈