To think that school should consider waiving this fee?

[GirlInterruptedOftenByKids]

Long story but I'll try to make it short!

I damaged my leg last week and have been hobbling about all week. Pain is getting worse and each night the affected area is red and swollen so I decided to see the GP this morning. He gave me a stern telling off for doing the school run, going to work etc and said I needed to rest for 24-48 hours straight. This was about 10:30 this morning so I reckoned with a few tweaks to my day I could manage 24 hours just about.

Went home, worked from home for 4 hours (my normal working day) and msged a neighbour to ask her to get the kids. Called school and told them who was picking up, passwords etc. Thought no more of it until the kids were due home and hadn't arrived. Then school called to say that my friend had forgotten to pick them up, had turned round and got them but that my kids had gone into the After School Club and so either she or I would have to pay £10 for the club (£5 per child)

Now, I'm prepared to pay as I don't want her to be out of pocket when she's doing me a favour but can't help feeling school are BU. School called at 15:50, by which time the kids had been picked up so they were in the ASC for max 15 mins (teachers take them there at 15:35 if not picked up). It sounds like my message to the office didn't get passed to the teacher, which happened last week as well (dc were due to go to ASC. Dd in Yr1 forgot and her teacher didn't know so she just had to sit there for ages until she remembered).

Also, the dc weren't allowed to do any of the activities at ASC - they had to sit on a bench and wait. So they weren't fed, they weren't using space or resources and they were barely there for any time. Pick up is complete chaos atm as there's a new school building and no real system so I don't blame my friend for forgetting.

So AIBU to think that school might look at this and think - mother who has been told to stay home by doctor, other mother who's only trying to help out...is it worth upsetting both families for the sake of a tenner?

(For info: school converted to an academy two years ago and there's been a marked increase in cash-grabbing since then)

Well, the main (only, actually) “point of failure” is that the friend you trusted to pick them up simply forgot to do so.
This absolutely wasn’t the school’s fault.

But ds' teacher could have remembered and it would have saved the whole thing. Not his fault as pickup is chaos but if school had better systems in place and the whole thing was calmer it might not have happened. CF dd's teacher not being told or not remembering that dd was going to ASC. No one rang me...they just relied on a 6yo remembering and leaving her class when the other ASC kids did.

emily I'm not blaming the school. I'm saying that in extenuating circumstances they might be reasonable to consider waiving it. That's what the AIBU was

More and more schools have a policy of putting children into asc after say 5 our 10 minutes because too many people think it is OK to be a little late and it ends up being the teachers doing childcare for free. It might only be you once in a while but it can mount up over a whole class.

Having the charge there encourages parents to be on time and while schools could waive the fee (assuming it is in house as not all are), it creates another area for contention when staff have to make judgements on who is legitimate in their reason and who isn't.

Your friend was doing you a favour and she forgot. She only had one extra thing to remember. The teacher probably had 20. It isn't their job to remind people who they should be picking up.

The asc probably assumed your dc would be picked up quickly so didn't see the point in them getting settled in.

It's unfortunate but the fault lies with your friend.

Why are you still focusing on the teacher not remembering your friend was picking them up? Your friend wasn’t there...
She didn’t pick them up. She forgot.
Nobody else is at fault here.

There are no extenuating circumstances unless your friend being an unreliable flake is one of them! It’s just as well you were at home to sort it out but imagine if you hadn’t been?!

Err, she was there picking up her ds who is in ds' class. It would have been so easy for the teacher to say "hey, aren't you meant to be taking this one too?"

I'm not blaming him but it would really have helped!

But ds' teacher could have remembered and it would have saved the whole thing. Not his fault as pickup is chaos but if school had better systems in place and the whole thing was calmer it might not have happened.

That's not the teachers job. That was the responsibility of the person picking up. The teacher may have a million things to do - parents to speak to, direct kids to pick up things in the classroom, monitor that each child goes to an adult.

sorry, but your leg is not the schools problem, not is it a valid reason to waive the school policy on late pick up.

It isn't nothing for the after school club to have two extra children on the premises, throwing out their staffing rations, possibly invalidating their insurance, no doubt causing some one some where extra paper work...... not to mention whoever was keeping an eye on them.

You actually should be very grateful that they were taken to the after school club at all, rather than handed over to social services, which is what many schools would have done.

You’re just not getting it are you? Tedious...

I’m not saying you are picking the kids up whenever you like. I’m saying that if children were allowed to fully take part in the ASC without booking then a lot of parents wouldn’t bother booking which would cause problems with staffing ratios, food ordering etc.

Greyhound if it's so tedious why are you still posting here? I know whey I am...because I've been on enforced sofa rest for 10 hours and am bored as hell..!

handed over to social services, which is what many schools would have done MN Bingo! No school would hand kids over to social services when their parent had called in and said they couldn't make it in but had asked someone to cover. That's not a social servicable offence as far as I am aware

FWIW I show a lot of goodwill towards school. I have been calm and reasonable about the year-long bullying campaign against ds that his numerous teachers let run untamed. You could say it's not my problem that they can't retain staff but no, I haven't complained about his class having 6 teachers in two years even though it directly affected the bullying

I didn't complain when they extended May half term by 4 days to move into the new building even though it's a nightmare for working parents

I was calm and reasonable when dd got left out in the playground all during lunchtime last week and so went hungry all day

I was calm and reasonable when they yet again put a fabric plaster on ds even though he's allergic to them and he suffered a swollen and painful knee for a week (there's a theme!)

So IMO it's not unreasonable to ask for a bit of goodwill back and early posts on this thread seemed to think I wasn't a crazy person. But now I realise I should have just defied doctor's orders and hobbled there to get them myself just in case the person I'd asked a few hours earlier forgot even though she never has ever before (we frequently do pick ups and drop offs for each other when kids are sick etc)

You're all right - I am SO BU

I always love a classic aibu.

"Am I BU?"

"Yes."

"WTF, no I'm not, you're all wrong because insert dripfeed "

YNBU - Unless you are regularly late picking up your children, I think the school could forget about the fee in this instance.

I'm not blaming him but it would really have helped!

It would have really helped, but he forgot as your friend did, and he hadn't accepted the responsibility to do that the way your friend had accepted the responsibility to pick your DC up.

So it's not really an issue to focus on - just as you aren't expecting your friend to pay, you shouldn't expect his not realising while your friend was there to be the reason for you to not have a financial obligation (though I do think you have some other valid points about the schools lack of grace/goodwill and the sitting on a bench).

I love a classic AIBU - accusing me of dripfeeding when the OP was the length of a small novel. No, I didn't detail the whole history of my interaction with school but trust me, no-one would have got past the first page.

BoomBoom tbh I can't stay mad at ds' teacher as he's really wonderful with ds. It's just one of many things about today that could have gone better. Like I could have been at an amazing gig with dh tonight instead of sitting at home trying to buy the later serieses of the Magic Animal Friends books. Damn you ridiculous injury!

The hop got it down to a T. Also just remember the school admin probably doesn’t even know what was done at ASC all they must acknowledge is that the kids attended. So once you clear it up I am sure it will be cancelled and if they give you bother tell them you want to appeal and have a meeting with the head of school. They will most likely not want the added headache and will see sense in cancelling the fee. Your not unreasonable at all. Good luck!!

Thanks UnicornMummy! I was starting to feel like I was BU for even being annoyed about it!

Omg just read some of the comments. This seems like an honest mistake. Not carelessness. Otherwise I doubt girl interrupted would have gone to the trouble to ask for advice. That’s what this forum is for right? Not to slate the person asking for advice unless I’m missing something here. I’m sure if she has a history of being late she would just cough up the money and accept her shortcomings as she mentioned in her original post. My kids school has a late fine policy, of your more than 3 x late in any one half term picking up your kids it’s a £5 fine regardless of how many kids attend. So I don’t have the worry of kids being put into ASC. However if the kids didn’t eat anything and neither took part in activities I would not want to pay either.
Girl interrupted your perfectly within your rights to ask for the fees to be cancelled. However if you find they are not budging then it might be an idea to work out how much it costs for 15 minutes and offer them the amount for that as a goodwill. They cannot charge you for a whole session that’s just ludicrous.

. It would have been so easy for the teacher to say "hey, aren't you meant to be taking this one too?"

Or, you could be saying, if would have been so easy for your friend to just remember she was meant to take your child too. Or, you could be saying, it would have been so easy for you to ring your friend on her phone and remind her.

But no. You are blaming the one person who had responsibility for over 20 children, the one person whose responsibility picking up your child from school definitely was not. And you've been doing that now for several pages. YABU!

In principle I would want to refuse to pay but in reality, because it’s such a small amount of money I would. I know not everyone has £10 spare but I’m looking at it from the POV that effectively you had to buy a bit of childcare to get yourself out of a semi- emergency.

Although I have to laugh at the idea that any school would call SS over a 30 minuet late pick up they had been informed about when there is an ASc onsite.
Don’t know how this works with ASC numbers though?
The ones round here are all fully booked how do they have enough staff to take a couple of children randomly for late pick ups (although- maybe that explains why they didn’t get any food or other resource?)

It's not the teacher's responsibility to sort your pick up. Arranging your pickups is for parents to arrange.

Your friend forgot.

The children were being supervised by appropriate staff. The costs of after school club is not really in some toast and felt pens. The cost is having a team of adults to supervise.

Mistakes happen. They have a set up for mistakes happening. There is a cost. That's life.

(And the fact that school needed to alter holidays around moving buildings is entirely reasonable, unless you are suggesting staff should work 4 days unpaid outside their contract in order to avoid upsetting people who view school as childcare. I'm not sure why there's now a list of unrelates issues suddenly)

Yanbu op.

Whilst it's obviously the parents responsibility to pick up their dc on time, schools also have to, by necessity, have something in place for situations where no one arrives on time for collection. They have to remain responsible for the dc until handed over.

Taking dc picked up late to the ASC (assuming staff ratios ok) is a good idea, saving the receptionist/teacher who would otherwise have them the job. If this would throw out staff ratios etch the ASC though, then the school should not be doing it.

If the decision was to charge for the ASC session, fine. But I would fully expect my dc to not only be able to take full advantage of the activities/snacks/whatever but also be told in pick up that they could stay until the end of the session, considering it was being charged for.

If they were segregated I wouldn’t pay a penny and actually take this complaint as far as possible.

I don't think you'll get them to budge.

I had once a school run club was cancelled. They didn't bother telling the parents, just put the children in the ASC and charged us! I thought that was cheeky as if I'd known it wasn't on then I would have picked him up as usual.

Although worse was perhaps when my ds (year4) didn't get the message (they forgot to tell his class) that it had been cancelled and they were to go to the ASC. So he walked home because he didn't know what else to do. That's 40 minutes walk away. And they didn't notice he wasn't at the ASC. I was very tempted to turn up and pretend I'd come to pick him up.
Thankfully my older dd was at home when he arrived home otherwise I would have been down at the school to pick him up and that would have been a nasty panic.