To think parents like this need a reality check.

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

My DS has asd and under no circumstances do I think he is an angel because he can be a manipulative little shit but he’s been having trouble with one of the boys at school, they had been friends for years and then all of a sudden he started being a little git towards my son and others. Funny thing was it wasn’t even my son who told me but some of his other friends. This has been going on now for a year despite me mentioning it to the teacher, nothing seems to be done. My son has his little group of best friends, is friendly with everyone but tends to segregate himself because sometimes he prefers to be alone. Yesterday was another prime example of him annoying my son causing him to have a meltdown and actually hurt some of his friends. The thing is he does it when no teachers are nearby so then when my son does react he acts like the victim. ( I’ve been told by my sons friends)
The problem I have is his mum thinks he is a little angel, the sun shines out of his ass and he can do no wrong. Makes out like he’s always innocent. He has no specific friends and try’s to hang around with people but they can’t put up with him. AIBU to think that parents like this especially when they’ve been told be s3veral people what havoc her son causes, need a reality check, that with eveidence right in front of them and they pull the blinders on.

Definitely we have a young boy who stays in our street and total pain in the ass/trouble maker ,was annoying my son who retaliated (not physically )and his dad came to my door to complain, I went mental was not my finest hour but I couldn't believe he couldn't see what we all could 😣

How old are they?

Could it be a case they’re ganging up a bit hence them all telling the same story?

Absolutely, there was a nightmare boy in my daughters class at primary, properly violent, and his mum thought he was a bloody angel.

In the morning she'd be all - bye sweetie be good.

I lost my shit with her one morning after he'd violently assaulted my daughter.

The naughtiest children invariably have parents who think they can do no wrong. I've noticed it many times over the years. Luckily teachers cotton on eventually, in my experience.

They are year 5, no they are not ganging up on him. I’ve even heard things from a child in the year below whom I know, who witnessed some things he did at lunchtime. I think he’s just one of them kids.
He is friendlier with one of my sons friends who has invited them both to his party so I will have to see her unfortunately ( I don’t get to much now as ds walks part home by himself) thank god, she better not mention anything especially as I don’t wanna ruin other boys party by telling her exactly what I think as I’ve kept my mouth shut for a long time and now it’s come to a point I will explode if she says the wrong thing to me.

Is it possible for your son to always stay within eyesight of the teacher?

It's sad that it has to go to that but it might be a way for teachers to cotton on a bit faster. That's if the boy doesn't stop doing it if he notices a teacher there.

If the boy avoids doing it with a teacher around obviously you can't expect your DS to hang around staff forever. Maybe keep a log?

The school have had extra funding b3cause of his diagnosis so they better use it for him. We did speak to the school to make they have someone pay more attention to the situation. But like I said the boy usually does it when there is no teacher around so when he runs to the teacher he acts like a victim and the teacher has no idea who to believe.

There are parents like this everywhere. My very quiet and gentle older brother was physically bullied by one of them. The headmistress called him a thug and his mother wasstraufht down to the school to complain. ‘My sin is not a thug!’ The headmistress said ‘oh really’ and had my brother brought into the office, she pulled down his shirt to show the bruises from being strangled by the Little fucker and lifted his shirt to show the bruises and scratches over his back and tummy. She then said to the mother ‘YOUR SON did that! That is the work of a thug so your son is a thug and a bully and if heso much as looks at fluffybrother wrong I will expel all three of your children. Get out of my office and parent your son!’ Apparently her family were being singled out and were the victims.

The naughtiest children invariably have parents who think they can do no wrong

Correlation... or causation?!

But like I said the boy usually does it when there is no teacher around so when he runs to the teacher he acts like a victim and the teacher has no idea who to believe.

That's what I meant about your DS always sticking within eyesight of a teacher … then if the kid tries his normal stuff then, it'll be seen. But I daresay he'll be a bit cleverer than that and stop entirely - and obviously your DS won't be able to keep it up forever!

Maybe an email to the teacher?

Dear Mr/s [X],
I'm worried about the conduct of [boy] in relation to [DS]. I've been told he is purposely and consistently provoking my son, often to meltdowns (as caused by his ASD), which is obviously hugely upsetting for [DS] and for his friends.
I am aware that the school has no evidence for this as of now so I would request that the playground supervisors are made aware so can better monitor the situation. I will also be making a log to note down these incidents from now on, which I will be happy to present as evidence once an investigation takes place.
Thank you,
sophisticatedsarcasm

Or something along those lines. I can be a bit rubbish at emails but it might incite the school to do more to look out for your DS, and if not they're aware that you're gathering information.

Once you've got enough I daresay you'll be able to go higher than the school teachers if they don't act, so that might push them to look a bit further into it too.

She then said to the mother ‘YOUR SON did that! That is the work of a thug so your son is a thug and a bully and if heso much as looks at fluffybrother wrong I will expel all three of your children. Get out of my office and parent your son!’

Bravo, that headmistress! I wish more heads were like that these days instead of being scared of these parents.

Yep. Worst type of parent. I have a girl in my year 10 class who is absolutely vile. She is so clever with her bullying too. For instance, there is a girl in the class who is over weight. Lovely, quiet girl. The bully girl said to her today ‘x, would you say you go to the gym and eat a balanced diet because, well I just wondered’ In front of the whole class. Girl when bright. Detention issued for bully but then her mum calls demanding to know why her daughter had been given a detention, ‘for asking an innocent question’.

I remember a friend saying very proudly of his then 7yo son. ‘Oh X is such a good lad, he’s no bother to anyone.’ I think my jaw dropped as X was a living nightmare with zero attention span, oodles of energy, totally self absorbed and selfish and no physical or verbal boundaries whatsoever. He was actively avoided by most of the children in our small village school because playing with him always ended badly. My BF is his godmother and even she avoided him. Like a lot of people the dad saw what he just wanted to see and disregarded the rest (thank you Simon and Garfunkel for that very wise sentiment).

Incidentally X is in his twenties now and a total pleasure to be around and his dad’s pride is now justified.

As you say this lad has no specific friends, I feel he's trying to win your DSs friends round to him, particularly as your DS spends time alone as a preference. It may be the teacher has to put something in place to support this boy regarding friendships so he isn't then irritating others. It may be he too has SEN and doesn't know actually how to make friends.

What kind of things is this boy doing to wind your DS up?

Tunnocks that is so sad.

The poor girl.

What did you say to the bully? What a horrible little bitch.
The thing is people like her grow up into adults and they just learn to hide it better, be a bit more subtle.

I just cannot for the life of me understand how it why putting someone down makes them feel better.

“Incidentally X is in his twenties now and a total pleasure to be around and his dad’s pride is now justified”

Wow! What caused such a turnaround, do you know?

CurlyHairedassasin.

I don’t know, I think perhaps he was bored when he was younger or maybe attention seeking. He grew up into a very conscientious hard working young man. Even though he isn’t very academic he put in so much work for his GCSEs and A-levels, perhaps that took up his energy? He is at uni now and still pushes himself very hard.

stoicism I told her I knew what she was doing, and that she had an after school detention. She argued back until she was blue in the face but I removed her from the room.

She does it all the time. Problem is she then throws the kids she picks on a bone and will be nice to them for a day, and they don’t want us to do anything about it. She’s scarily clever. We suspect she was the ring leader of a case of Snapchat bullying too but we can’t prove it so can’t do anything.

I could be writing your story op, only diff being my son is not diagnosed yet. We are in year 3 just now and the boy in my son's class knows exactly what buttons to push to cause a meltdown I feel absolutely defeated some days because all everyone sees is my son reacting. I've had meeting upon meeting with the school, I witnessed the little boy punch my son in the ribs whilst walking past and then he acted like nothing had happened, sad thing is my son had only went to open the door for him whilst we were waiting on his brother coming down from class. They know he doesn't like being touched so him and his friend held him in a bear hug one day and wouldn't let go untill he lost his shit. And just to be clear in no way do I think my son is an angel AT ALL trust me I know he can be a pain in the back side but it's so upsetting especially when you see it first hand. It's an eye opener to see how sly they can be at such a young age really quite worrying!

My ds had a boy like that in his class. Despite us welcoming him into our house on many occasions, he turned on ds and got his cronies to gang up on ds and often made racist remarks to him. It got very upsetting and when he told ds to go back to his own country, we tried to speak to her. She said it was the other kids and he couldn't be racist because she had Asian friends . It went on and on. One day ds was walking through the park and the boy started saying racist remarks again. Ds went up and pushed him over, no more. She fucking called the police on him . After over a year of knowing her ds was picking on ours.

In my sons class there are two bullies (one boy and one girl) who have been awful to several kids in the class including physically. A few kids left the school because of them. The reaction of their parents to being confronted with evidence of this is the most horrifying part to me - it's just banter, boys will be boys etc etc. The parents are just nasty people and that's being passed down to their kids. Complete ignorance.

It’s obviously not on that this child is provoking your son but you don’t know whether he also has some kind of additional need.
Was I right in reading that your son hurt some of his friends during his meltdown? I would be working on getting your son to report what this other boy is doing before it gets to the stage that he loses control. If it’s not possible for him to do that then maybe he or the other boy could benefit from some ta support?

@shawshanksredemption
He does stuff like screaming right near my sons ear, he hates loud unexpected noises. Yesterday my son had a stick which the boy tried to grab several times which resulted in it breaking then he screamed and my son had a meltdown. Another time when my DS was playing hide and seek they do this thing where they pat the person and say your name before they hide so they know who’s hiding, he went up to the side where my son was and hit the girl hard and then said it was DS. Some of the kids believed him as they had already hidden but others knew he was lying but of course by then DS was stressed. He takes his stuff in class when the teachers not looking and pushes him in the lunch line, my DS gets mad and then he feigns innocence. And Loads of other stuff. I know some of it is petty boys and kids stuff but my DS having asd cant handle certain things. I know the teachers have explained to his close friends about it and a few of the girls he’s very good friends with. They try to help him. There are 2 other boys with ASD which also get bothered by this boy and he sometimes uses them to annoy others. Problem is the kids know but the teachers don’t because he acts like the victim every time something happens.

My dd is an angel and would never ever ever do anything wrong. Anybody who says differently is making it up, crazy or ill-informed. Allegedly. In the real world, she is human, sometimes she is an angel personified, other times I have to check for horns and a tail.

I bet the teachers do know but as he's doing it on the sly it's hard to prove. When an incident happens the staff need to also take into account what witnesses say so that it isn't just one person's word against another. I would suggest keeping a diary of what happened, who was there, and the outcome so you have it all recorded. Hopefully you'll never need it, but if you do it builds a picture for staff to refer to. I'd contact your SENCO too to let them know what is happening if they are not aware.