I know the answer. I have been suffering really badly with anxiety and depression. I have a chest infection and a couple of other health worries. We have been having problems with my DS and his school and I am worried about my DH who is having health issues. There is a lot going on.
Today I stopped off at the local Tesco mini store to get something for the tea. It was boiling hot, the kids were whining and I was worrying about something I had to do at work. My DS tells me whilst I was trying to reverse out of a parking space that he had been sent to the deputy head because his teacher "was fed up with his whining" (he is being consistently bullied by a boy in his class and has been told to tell the teacher instead of hitting back - this is what he was trying to do). I was furious. As I had almost completed the reverse maneouvre, this woman who had come up behind me started sitting on her horn, gesticulating and shouting. I lost it. I got out the car. I went over and asked what her problem was and she started shouting in my face that I had started reversing when she was coming out. I didn't. She came out of nowhere. I argued this and she pulled the door of her car shut and said something else. So I opened the door of her car and asked what she had said and she started shouting at me to get back in my car and away from her.
At this point I realised there was an elderly lady sitting in the passenger seat who I hadn't even registered was there. I went back to the car and drove home. I feel ill thinking about it. This just isn't me. I avoid conflict wherever possible and have never instigated anything. I worry now that I upset the old lady, that they will go to the police, that I will get in trouble and social services will get involved. I have never been in trouble with the police other than points for speeding years ago.
I was at a clinical assessment with a psych nurse the other day due to my mood being at its lowest since I was diagnosed 4 years ago and I am being referred for counselling with a psychologist. These agencies share information and I am terrified I have put myself on someone's radar. An old colleague of mine was separated from her kids for months after social services got involved after an incident at the school gates. She was also on anti depressants like me.
If I could turn back time I wouldn't have gotten out the car - it was a kneejerk reaction. I wish I could find the women so that I could apologise. It was a dreadful way to behave, esp when my kids were in the car and my son is already having issues with bullies at school and this is how his mother behaves. There is no excuse. I am thoroughly ashamed 😔
I can only hope the police don't get involved as that would quite possibly finish me off.