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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel utterly ashamed of myself?

48 replies

40isnew50 · 22/06/2018 16:11

I know the answer. I have been suffering really badly with anxiety and depression. I have a chest infection and a couple of other health worries. We have been having problems with my DS and his school and I am worried about my DH who is having health issues. There is a lot going on.

Today I stopped off at the local Tesco mini store to get something for the tea. It was boiling hot, the kids were whining and I was worrying about something I had to do at work. My DS tells me whilst I was trying to reverse out of a parking space that he had been sent to the deputy head because his teacher "was fed up with his whining" (he is being consistently bullied by a boy in his class and has been told to tell the teacher instead of hitting back - this is what he was trying to do). I was furious. As I had almost completed the reverse maneouvre, this woman who had come up behind me started sitting on her horn, gesticulating and shouting. I lost it. I got out the car. I went over and asked what her problem was and she started shouting in my face that I had started reversing when she was coming out. I didn't. She came out of nowhere. I argued this and she pulled the door of her car shut and said something else. So I opened the door of her car and asked what she had said and she started shouting at me to get back in my car and away from her.

At this point I realised there was an elderly lady sitting in the passenger seat who I hadn't even registered was there. I went back to the car and drove home. I feel ill thinking about it. This just isn't me. I avoid conflict wherever possible and have never instigated anything. I worry now that I upset the old lady, that they will go to the police, that I will get in trouble and social services will get involved. I have never been in trouble with the police other than points for speeding years ago.

I was at a clinical assessment with a psych nurse the other day due to my mood being at its lowest since I was diagnosed 4 years ago and I am being referred for counselling with a psychologist. These agencies share information and I am terrified I have put myself on someone's radar. An old colleague of mine was separated from her kids for months after social services got involved after an incident at the school gates. She was also on anti depressants like me.

If I could turn back time I wouldn't have gotten out the car - it was a kneejerk reaction. I wish I could find the women so that I could apologise. It was a dreadful way to behave, esp when my kids were in the car and my son is already having issues with bullies at school and this is how his mother behaves. There is no excuse. I am thoroughly ashamed 😔

I can only hope the police don't get involved as that would quite possibly finish me off.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 22/06/2018 16:15

Oh goodness OP, it sounds like you have a lot going on.

Obviously the situation in the cap park wasn't ideal at all but you know that and there's not really anything that you can do now.

Is it worth going back to your GP or similar to see if you can escalate what's going on to more of an urgent case as it seems like you really need some help sooner rather than later.

Thanks It sounds tough.

RatherBeRiding · 22/06/2018 16:16

Calm down, and don't worry. It's a non incident. No blows were exchanged. No cars were damaged. 2 drivers in a supermarket car park had a shouty exchange. She shouted at you. You shouted back.

Even if the police could spare the time to look at any possible CCTV - what will they see. 2 drivers having an exchange. And what is the passenger going to say? Ultimately it would come down to she says this, you say that. And don't forget - the other driver sparked the exchange by honking, gesticulating and shouting!

Honestly - the police and social services really really won't care about a heated exchange in a supermarket car park! (Or else a lot of us would be in touble!!)

Postymalone · 22/06/2018 16:17

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TSSDNCOP · 22/06/2018 16:19

OP have a quiet sit down and have a cup of tea.

Nothing will come of it. I promise the police have lots and lots of more important things to do.

They're very busy trying to find Postys empathy for starters.

RoseanneBarred · 22/06/2018 16:24

posty helpful Hmm

Op, I hope you feel better soon Flowers

rosesandflowers1 · 22/06/2018 16:27

You sound like you've got a lot going on. Keep going! Flowers

You didn't do anything huge! Obviously not admirable, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Have a quiet night in and then tomorrow get to work trying to sort out everything going on - calmly! Grin

LilMadAgain · 22/06/2018 16:28

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Timeisslippingaway · 22/06/2018 16:29

Nothing will come of this. People have arguments in car parks all the time. Usually because people drive to fast round them. Don't panic. I would forgot about this incident completely.

40isnew50 · 22/06/2018 16:34

Thanks everyone. I had a panic attack just after I wrote the post but have calmed down now. I still feel very anxious and weepy and I am going to contact my GP on Monday as someone suggested. I feel upset that I lost control like that. I don't want this to be my life. I appreciate the support 💕

OP posts:
peachgreen · 22/06/2018 16:35

OP, car park arguments happen ALL the time - police / social services couldn't care less. I promise. It didn't get physical. You've nothing to worry about. I am the least aggressive person ever (because I'm scared of everything) and even I got into a shouting match in a car park once (some dickhead was about to key my brother's car because he accidentally cut him up - my brother very sensibly got in the car as he didn't trust himself not to get physical whereas I stood and screamed at him like a fishwife!). Adrenaline does funny things to people sometimes.

You've obviously recognised it wasn't the right way to deal with the situation and I'm sure you can address that with your son in a positive way ("sometimes we get frustrated with people but it's never right to get aggressive, Mummy did the wrong thing and is very sorry" etc etc). It's worth mentioning to your GP if only because it might mean you get help quicker, and that can only improve the quality of your life. It's obvious you're struggling at the mo and it's understandable. Don't beat yourself up over one mistake.

lilyheather1 · 22/06/2018 16:38

Car park accidents so happen all the time, but I hardly think to this extent.

Echobelly · 22/06/2018 16:40

Yes, they will forget all about it, have no idea who you are. I understand making too big a thing of it when you do something you're not proud of, but think back to the times a stranger has upset you. Can you remember what they look like, their car, anything?

I know I agonised for weeks after I parked someone in when in a hurry and a bad mood (had never done that or anything like it before and there was no call for it) and thought it'd be OK as it was just a few minutes , but on my return a neighbour thoroughly, calmly and justifiably, shamed me as it turned out it was someone who might need to leave in a hurry for their job. I was convinced they'd send an email to school, maybe shame me on social media, or recognise me in future and have a go at me... but it never happened. It was a moment of madness when you had a go, like it was with me doing that, but you have to forgive yourself. But I totally get how horrible it is to have someone, even a total stranger, think badly of you because of one encounter.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 22/06/2018 16:41

Feel better for that twattish contribution Posty ? Hmm
OP I wouldn't give it another thought, it was a heated exchange in a car park, not the first to happen & certainly won't be the last. Give yourself a break.

raidthefridge · 22/06/2018 16:46

This was an isolated incident fuelled by your adrenaline (not helped by you feeling stressed anyway). I'm not a hot head and this could easily have happened to me. In fact this kind of thing has happened to me. You never see these things coming.

It feels a shock right now but give it a few days and you won't be thinking about it so much. Be kind to yourself. The police honestly wouldn't give a crap about this. Have a relaxing weekend. X

Zaphodsotherhead · 22/06/2018 16:47

I work in a shop which has the world's twattiest car park. There are shouted exchanges out there all the time. Sometimes my manager has to go out and calm things down!

The police have never been called or taken the slightest interest. In fact they agree that it's the twattiest car park on earth (very limited view, same way in as out down a one-car-wide passage, tiny spaces, etc etc).

Try not to worry. Deep breaths and get some help for your anxiety.

user1andonly · 22/06/2018 16:49

If you were almost fully out of your space then surely the sensible thing for her to have done would be to hang back and wait rather than try to go behind you, which is presumably what she was doing. I hate it when people do that in car parks. What did she expect you to do? Drive back into the space you had almost vacated, wait for her to go past and then start the maneuver all over again?

You reacted badly but she was in the wrong too which would show up on any CCTV. I very much doubt anything will come of it. You didn't hit anyone. If the worst happens and she reports you, report her right back. She had an elderly passenger, you had children with you and, by the sounds of it, she was equally aggressive.

One of the most awful car journeys I ever went on was with an elderly couple - the man drive very aggressively and his wife encouraged him! They were lovely until they got in their car! Never again!

cjt110 · 22/06/2018 16:51

I totally get thr rage thing. I;m suffering with it, like you are right now. Totally not me but it seems to descend. I too am on antidepressants and seeing further medical professionals.

That said, don't spiralise things. I am sure nothing will come off it, apart from you being a bit sore from what you did and learning how to control yourself.

FindoGask · 22/06/2018 16:52

As you know, you didn't handle the situation well but that is totally understandable under the circumstances. You responded to the woman's aggression. You feel ashamed because you wouldn't normally behave like that - and I know myself how terrible that feeling of losing your temper is, but no-one was hurt, and you're already having treatment to manage your depression and anxiety so you are already doing what you can to make sure it doesn't happen again.

freddiemercury · 22/06/2018 16:55

wonder what your DC are like Posty....actually doesn't bear thinking about.
OP...it happens to us all...we lose it...straw, broke, camel etc....forgive yourself, have a cup to tea...oooh or even better an ice cream in this weather.
I hope you can get your other issues sorted out..but really I promise this is a 'non issue' and should be put to the back of your mind.
Have a hug....

Banana8080 · 22/06/2018 16:58

Hindsight is one thing but it’s done now, be kind to yourself.

gamerwidow · 22/06/2018 17:00

Yes you did react badly but you know that and the fact you know that and aren’t here expecting us to be impressed by the row as some posters might be speaks volumes about you.
You are seeking help to manage your illness and you will learn to manage your anxiety and control your temper.
Try to keep this in proportion as a mistake you will learn from rather than allowing your anxiety to blow this out of proportion. The police and social services won’t be getting involved. Nothing actually happened other than some shouting. Not great but not the end of the world either.

mozzybites · 22/06/2018 17:02

I promise as someone who used to work on a duty social work team they could not care less about you and another lady shouting about some car park driving. Social care would want to see you talking responsibility for your low mood which you are.
Just as an aside always take with a big pinch of salt people who tell you that they had one tiny incident and their DC were removed, there is no way the courts would remove children due to a minor one off incident at school gates, you have no way of knowing what else was going on for that family.
Have a cup of tea and try and put the incident out of your mind.

WillowRose79 · 22/06/2018 17:02

One thing that happens with my anxiety is that I overthink everything and make it 100x worse in my head. This is whats happening to you. Its worse in your head than what actually happened. Its done now, you've learnt from it and just try and forget about it xx

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/06/2018 17:03

40 , rather is right. This was not much of an event.
You have catastrophised. Instead of a minor happening where two people didn't behave as well as they should have, you have built it up into a major incident that could lead to your kids being removed and an elderly lady being deeply traumatised by your actions.

Someone was rude to you
You were rude back.

You both went home.

I really sympathise with you. I spent most of my life doing this to myself. Its exhausting.

I hope you can get some help and get out of this habit.

No one is condoning shouting in the carpark but you need to be able to put this sort of thing in perspective.

Nikephorus · 22/06/2018 17:04

Yes you were a twat, but you recognise it. There are (unfortunately) plenty of people out there who would be a twat of the same or greater proportions and who would come on here / Facebook to tell the world how tough they are and how they really showed the other person etc. etc. You didn't do that. You made a mistake & you're unlikely to make it again. Don't beat yourself up.

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