to feel utterly ashamed of myself?

[40isnew50]

I know the answer. I have been suffering really badly with anxiety and depression. I have a chest infection and a couple of other health worries. We have been having problems with my DS and his school and I am worried about my DH who is having health issues. There is a lot going on.

Today I stopped off at the local Tesco mini store to get something for the tea. It was boiling hot, the kids were whining and I was worrying about something I had to do at work. My DS tells me whilst I was trying to reverse out of a parking space that he had been sent to the deputy head because his teacher "was fed up with his whining" (he is being consistently bullied by a boy in his class and has been told to tell the teacher instead of hitting back - this is what he was trying to do). I was furious. As I had almost completed the reverse maneouvre, this woman who had come up behind me started sitting on her horn, gesticulating and shouting. I lost it. I got out the car. I went over and asked what her problem was and she started shouting in my face that I had started reversing when she was coming out. I didn't. She came out of nowhere. I argued this and she pulled the door of her car shut and said something else. So I opened the door of her car and asked what she had said and she started shouting at me to get back in my car and away from her.

At this point I realised there was an elderly lady sitting in the passenger seat who I hadn't even registered was there. I went back to the car and drove home. I feel ill thinking about it. This just isn't me. I avoid conflict wherever possible and have never instigated anything. I worry now that I upset the old lady, that they will go to the police, that I will get in trouble and social services will get involved. I have never been in trouble with the police other than points for speeding years ago.

I was at a clinical assessment with a psych nurse the other day due to my mood being at its lowest since I was diagnosed 4 years ago and I am being referred for counselling with a psychologist. These agencies share information and I am terrified I have put myself on someone's radar. An old colleague of mine was separated from her kids for months after social services got involved after an incident at the school gates. She was also on anti depressants like me.

If I could turn back time I wouldn't have gotten out the car - it was a kneejerk reaction. I wish I could find the women so that I could apologise. It was a dreadful way to behave, esp when my kids were in the car and my son is already having issues with bullies at school and this is how his mother behaves. There is no excuse. I am thoroughly ashamed 😔

I can only hope the police don't get involved as that would quite possibly finish me off.

Pfft. Don't worry about it. I once had an exchange of words with a woman in a restaurant. As we left in the car, she happened to be coming outside, and I rolled the window down and shouted "See Ya Fatty". Not like me at all, but she'd got my back up. Certainly not my finest moment!!

It won't come to anything so stop worrying about the police or social services. Yes, you responded over aggressively but she started it. You horn is there to alert other drivers to danger so a toot if you were about to reverse into her would have been appropriate, using it aggressively to express her anger at you was not. A decent person who appreciates we all make mistakes would have given you a toot to alert you to their presence and then a wee smile or wave to indicate no harm done. She behaved like a cunt and got the consequences.

wonder what your DC are like Posty....actually doesn't bear thinking about

This

OP, I think this happens to us all at some point. I did find, many years ago, when I was like -with none of your very legitimate excuses- that taking Vitamin B complex was a great help in controlling my nerves.

As for the school's attitude to your son, words fail me. How easy is it to change schools?

Thanks everyone. Yes, I am catastrophising but my mind is in a place right now where it is hard not to. Thank you for the post about the social services not getting involved over something trivial. It really helped. And I am not sure what else was going on behind the scenes when my old colleague's kids got taken away from her - she just said it was an incident at the gates that was escalated out of proportion by the school and social services.

I have had a chat with both the children about letting anger and frustration get the better of you and they both said it scared them a bit as they have never seen me so angry and they were also worried. That makes me feel really bad but we agreed it was a one-off and we all know that I had made a bad choice by reacting to the woman's frustration.

Thanks for your similar stories too. It does help to know that others have been in this type of situation.

And @posty if you read my post properly you will see it is my DS who is getting bullied, he is not the bully so not sure what your comment was supposed to be getting at?

This kind of thing happens day in and day out OP. Don’t beat yourself up about it. The woman will be getting on with her day. Have a quiet night, watch a funny tv program on the couch and try to put it out of your head.

Definitely get in touch with your GP asap. Getting aggressive isn't the sort of example you want to set your kids - especially with a bullying issue - but you're aware of that. In your position, I'd be asking the GP for what steps to take next to regain control. I've been there - with a anxiety rather than anger - and once you get back on track you'll be fine.

@coyoacan Thanks for your post. This is a new school. We had to move both the kids in November due to my son getting physically assaulted every day. The school were useless and the Local Authority got involves but said that their hands were tied due to the "personal circumstances" of one of the boys who were assaulting him. My DD was also being picked on but it was only verbal, upsetting nonetheless. We chose the new school as it has an excellent reputation and the headmistress has a no nonsense policy and it is only slightly farther away from out house.

Unfortunately the head mistress is on long term sick leave and her deputy appears to have no clue how to deal with the situation. My son's teacher is utterly useless. He is in a composite class with only 6 other kids his level. This one boy didn't accept too kindly to someone new coming in and has been vocal about it until a few weeks ago when he started hitting. My son had enough one day and hit back and got a "detention" because of it. He was told not to hit back, to tell a teacher. That is what he was doing today when his teacher sent him to the deputy head for "whining". His shirt pocket is ripped and he has a scrape down his right arm but she wouldn't listen to him. That is why I was so angry - don't tell a child to come to you when he needs help if you are going to punish him for it. Thank goodness there is only a week left before summer holidays!

Thanks @cjt So sorry you are going through something similar. It is horrendous and so debilitating.

Not great,but there were multiple triggers.
Discuss your mood,stressors with mh team
Unlikely police will be involved in a parking spat
Re your friends children being removed,there obvs a backstory to that
And sorry your son is being bullied,keep note of events/dates

No point in worrying about it now op. It's done, it's in the past. Just try to use the experience to help reflect on what you would do in the future to stay calm. Have you tried using headspace? Its brilliant for getting into a calmer state of mind.

It was awful for everyone concerned, but its done now and not much more you can do apart from put it down to experience. we live in stressful environment and this hot spell doesnt help anyone either.tempers are easily frayed and you have a lot going on.

I hate confrontation and i would have been scared as people have been attacked or stabbed for less, so from my point of view, i would have been a bit shaky / pissed off if you had confronted me and worried it could have been worse and we just went home. she has probably forgotten it by now.

So sorry you are having such a rough time. Dont beat yourself up and try to forget it now. I bet the other woman is feeling the same now she has calmed down as well. We are only human and all make mistakes x

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You have a lot going on and you didn't intentionally plan to lose it, it was just your tipping point had been tipped.

I am the most non confrontational person ever and a few months after my DH passed away, someone nipped into a parking space that I was indicating to go in. Under normal circumstances, I would have just shrugged my shoulders and not thought much of it. On that occasion, once I had parked, I went up to the lady who had parked in the space I had my eye on and gave her a very shouty 'what for'. My daughter and elderly parents were in the car at the time - no-one was impressed.

When you are under pressure (plus children and heat!) tempers will get frazzled. You are only human.

Sending you a hug and hope the stress eases for you soon.

I lost control like this and screamed at someone in a car shortly after my DS was born, I had quite severe PND.
Good idea about going to see your GP.

You've just had a tough time. I agree with PPs nothing will come out of this so don't worry too much. You didn't hit her or anything so you're ok. I wouldn't even apologise to her given she was aggressive too and was most likely at fault from your description. Just let it go, learn a lesson and take care of yourself

Sorry to derail but Postymalone seems to have a real fucking problem with people with depression so it’s no wonder I’ve seen it’s name with a deleted message underneath it.

OP, as another pp said, police and social services won’t be interested and you will be ok. Nobody was hurt and nothing was vandalised, it was just two people having a heated conversation in a car park.
With you having anxiety I can see how this is worrying you though. It’s horrible. But honestly you will be ok.

I think she started it by leaning on her horn, she should have given you enough room to finish your manoeuvre. She got more than she bargained for.
You have recognised you over reacted and it was quite aggressive to open her car door, but she was giving as good as she got. Social services will not be interested in this OP.

We all have limits and we all can be pushed to them in times of stress and difficulty OP. It happened, it wasn’t ideal but clearly it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Try and draw a line under it and move on - be kind to yourself

I agree with other posters that I don’t think anything will come of this and I am sorry you are having such a bad time . I have worked in mental health and and information would not be shared with other agencies except in certain risky situations . Your medical information will be totally confidential .

Thanks @nooddsockforme that makes me feel better.

No police have arrived so I am hoping it is as everyone said and the lady hasn't reported it. I am much calmer after having a lazy day yesterday but I still feel bad if I think of it so I try not to.

Once again thank you all for your support x

Glad you are feeling better, OP. You have a lot in your plate.

The focus here is gathering yourself up to talk to the school tomorrow. Be calm and clear. Explain about the pocket and the scrape, and say you do not think accusing a child of ‘whining’ is the right language to a) use to a bullied child and b) when he is following the strategy he has been given. Write it down in points and take your notes in with you to remind you and anchor you.

Talk to your kids. Ask if they were upset by you and the lady shouting. Tell them you did a wrong thing shouting back and opening her door.

Ask DS calmly what happened at school and reassure him. Unfortunately ( and understandably) his disclosure was swept up in a storm of yelling. Give him some calm space.

I hope your GP can give you more support. Have a guys day, OP.

Calm down.

ANd think it through: what would she report? Nothing. Because this was a woman who was HAPPY to lean on the loud horn of her own car and start something while the elderly lady was in her own front seat. And the woman was also HAPPY to start shouting at you while sat next to the elderly lady.

You sound stressed and at the end of your rope, but please don't worry about this incident. She started it, she over reacted, and no, you should never have opened her door and walked away, but in the grand scheme of things it was minor. Definitely a flag to get some more support if you can, though.

You should live in Germany.This sort of thing happens every. single.day.
I am normally fairly placid but that sort of confrontation about nothing in a car has more often than once turned me into a complete lunatic.Also with my children present because I also felt like you did.Swallowing abuse all the time is not healthy either.I always felt better when I stood up for myself.I now blow kisses when in the car drives people bonkers but isn't classed as being abusive.Dont worry about it.