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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of London Living?

68 replies

Teaandbiscuits35 · 21/06/2018 22:51

I’ve lived in London my entire life (bar a few years studying), I’m nearing 40 and have a good husband and healthy, happy kids. I’m pretty settled in life and the happiest I’ve been in years. But I’m scared all the time. Crime rate is ridiculously high here and there is no police presence. I’m scared when I go out and I’m scared when I’m at home. I’m on edge all the time and although I’m trying not to show it in front of DC it’s exhausting. My neighbours change frequently and are often loud and aggressive. Financially, I have no chance of moving for at least another five years. AIBU to be so scared or do I just need to accept that this is my life for the time being?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/06/2018 22:53

What are of London are you? I live in SW London, we had a couple of murders here that did make the news over the past few months but I feel just as safe as I did years ago.

blueshoes · 21/06/2018 22:55

That sounds pretty bad. Which area of London are you in and what sort of crime?

HeGotManFlu · 21/06/2018 22:55

That sounds awful, I love living in london, where do you live.

Original poster
Teaandbiscuits35 · 21/06/2018 22:56

I’m N/E border. Crime rates have always been high but lately it feels like every day someone is getting stabbed or shot, it’s so frightening.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 21/06/2018 22:57

If you're the sort to jump at your own shadow, you'll be seeing mad axemen in the countryside behind every tree.

FanDabbyFloozy · 21/06/2018 22:58

Have you joined a local Facebook page or Twitter feed? I did and started panicking about the petty crime in the area. I realised that nothing had changed, just my awareness of it through this group. I left and my life went back to ignorant bliss!

Original poster
Teaandbiscuits35 · 21/06/2018 22:58

Crime tends to be muggings, shootings, attacks (a car stopped at traffic lights on the A406 had their windows slashed before they were mugged). 😭

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/06/2018 23:00

Well yanbu as far as I’m concerned.

I felt like you 18 years ago. yellow boards started springing up all over the place and crime seemed to be in our faces constantly.

We moved away.

Original poster
Teaandbiscuits35 · 21/06/2018 23:01

Tbh I always thought I was pretty thick skinned, relatively confident, could deal with most things. In the last few years I’ve become a bit of an emotional wreck, pretty much scared of my own shadow. But as much as I know this, I also watch/listen to the news so facts back up what I’m thinking.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 21/06/2018 23:02

every day someone is getting stabbed or shot

Lets not put too fine a point on it - how many of those are middle aged women? None. Lets look a little closer - is there a particular gender? age range? ethnic background? any other similarities? gangs? drugs?

So unless you fall into all of those groups, there's more chance of you winning 158 Euro millions on a roll over and Take That reforming and doing your house work naked for all eternity.

Original poster
Teaandbiscuits35 · 21/06/2018 23:03

@FanDabbyFloozy I have actually! Might be an idea to unfollow.

OP posts:
Lovingtheisland · 21/06/2018 23:06

I was exactly the same when I lived in London (only lasted 4 years) I’m now back in a rural area of a much safer part of the country and I think god every day! I never feel unsafe, the biggest things to happen around here are that someone didn’t leave £1 for the free range eggs they took from someone’s drive Hmm Much, much safer in terms of bringing up children too.

I like city life and I’m lucky in that I’m only 7 miles from my nearest city and regularly go out drinking/ socialising and obviously go there for clothes shopping etc but it’s a very safe, clean and pretty city and even then, I’m still thankful to get back to my idyllic cottage in the country!

Couldn’t and wouldn’t do London again if someone paid me- developed very bad anxiety when I was there. So no, YANBU IMO.

Jammycustard · 21/06/2018 23:07

Where would you feel happier?
For what it’s worth, I think you live near me and it can feel a bit ovwrwhelming at times, but then I think statistically I am safe and overall I do like living in London.

Original poster
Teaandbiscuits35 · 21/06/2018 23:08

@NewYearNewMe18 that made me laugh. You are right, I don’t fall into the groups that it tends to be. But what if I’m that random one? Or what if something happens and my kids or hubby are caught up in it? I also have a teenager who’s social life has become alternative sleepovers with a group of kids whose parents I know. So many could happens... driving me nuts.

OP posts:
GirlInterruptedOftenByKids · 21/06/2018 23:13

Hey you sound like you're near me. ...I live in that place near the north circular with the level crossing. There has been a lot of stabbings this year but it's calmer this last month or so. I do hear you but we can't live our lives on the what if s. Maybe leave some of the local Fbook groups. ....they tend to whip up hysteria

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/06/2018 23:14

OP it sounds a lot like anxiety. I have been there, done that and I felt similar ways to you - but at that point I lived in the countryside!

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be concerned but it might be an idea to consider anxiety with these murders being a trigger.

digestivebiscuitfan · 21/06/2018 23:16

I don't get it if you've lived in London all your life don't you remember soho Hackney kings cross etc etc in the 80s or 90s? No hummus bars of coffee shops. It was much more scary!

SeaEagleFeather · 21/06/2018 23:17

But as much as I know this, I also watch/listen to the news so facts back up what I’m thinking.

actually, the news tends to concentrate on -bad- news not good. It's nowhere near as neutral as people think. If you watch it carefully, there's kind of cycles in stories too.

Penguin34 · 21/06/2018 23:17

As far as I'm aware you don't get much for your money in London so couldn't you sell up and move out a bit.
I thought it was harder to move into London than out?
I love living in the countryside and there is so much going on, we moved here to have a family.
Only 11 miles from the nearest city (where I work) and still really only 45 mins or so to London.
X

foodtime · 21/06/2018 23:20

You do know that there are far higher levels of violent crime in other parts of the UK? Manchester and Yorkshire both top London but it never gets talked about Hmm

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 21/06/2018 23:31

I understand where you're coming from - I'm also in London.

There's a local middle aged white woman who I know from the dog walking circuit. She seems to live her life in a state of hyper awareness of all the local crimes - and every time I see her she gives me a summary of what has been happening crime wise in the local area, subcategorised by ethnicity of the offender. Usually prefaced with a bit about how Catholics like her are the most tolerant religion in existence, before going on to say something rather intolerant! I keep trying to avoid her, but typically fail every 6 weeks or so when one dog makes a beeline for the other 😬

To be honest I think I'd rather live in blissful ignorance as much as possible. I know I don't live in an amazing area but I'd sooner bury my head in the sand while taking sensible personal safety precautions.

Missingstreetlife · 22/06/2018 07:02

Come on, look how many people live in the city, how many serious crimes per head of population. The most dangerous place for women is at home, domestic violence or accidents. Be grateful for your health, this anxiety is not normal. Try meditation or cbt. Young men are more at risk because they are out, but if they are sensible will be unlucky to catch any heat. More at risk from police. Media sensationalises everything, plenty of good things happening. Not saying a spate of stabbings is not worrying but you can't let it rule you

Camomila · 22/06/2018 07:16

Croydon here - We've had two stabbing lately (one in the high st, one in the shopping centre). It is worrying.

OP like me is presumably unlikely to get stabbed, but her kids will get older and want to go to the cinema/pub/get the nught bus home at some point.

We are moving out of London partly because I don't want DSs local going out place to be Croydon town centre when he's a teen.

(Might have shot myself in the foot when the mythical Westfield arrives!)

Ifailed · 22/06/2018 07:35

if you look at the murder rate city by city, the first London Borough, Hackney, comes in at no 9. It is preceded by places like Gloucester, Blackpool & Lincoln, and you don't find many people from those places saying they want to leave because they feel unsafe.

When it comes to age, children under 1 are the most likely victim & as a women you are most likely to be killed by your partner (so make sure he doesn't move with you), but also as a women you are 1/2 as likely to be killed as a man.

In summary, you are one of the least-likely person to be killed by a stranger, I suspect there's something else that is the root of your worry.

JessieMcJessie · 22/06/2018 07:47

From your description OP we live very close to one another. I am a bit more careful these days about using my mobile in the street because of the rise in moped-enabled phone snatching crime which IS directed towards the affluent middle class (because we tend to have more expensive phones). Other than that I take the view that the stabbings and shootings are confined to gang culture and don’t give it much thought. Do you ever see your community police at local events (ours had a stall at an event in our local park?). We also get leaflets through the door that have neighbourhood watch type contact details for them on them. Maybe next time you get the chance, speak to one of them about your fears and see what they can say to reassure you?
I’ve lived in London for 20 years on and off and never been victim of any crime. However a relative of mine was assaulted and seriously injured by a drugged up stranger in a random attack in a small scottish village.