To have never thought about my own funeral?

[TitsalinaBumsquat]

I just had a random conversation with my OH, where he explained what he would want to happen in terms of his funeral and scattering his ashes. Purely because we as a couple have never discussed it and he wanted me to know his wishes. He then asked me what I wanted.

I have never seriously thought about this and I have no idea where I’d want to be or what I’d want to happen. OH has said that it is strange I’ve never considered this, and that in his opinion most people would have thought about and decided what they would like to happen to them after they have died.

So tell me Mumsnet, AIBU to not have thought about this? Am I in a minority here?

I have had a life threatening illness and apart from having a few maudlin moments picturing my funeral and thinking of sad songs I liked I havent contemplated it at all.

Other than trying to make sure that theres some money left to do the basics I really dont think I care that much now I come to think about it.

Some people want to plan all the details and some don't. Both options are fine. It's wise to make some provision for funeral costs and helpful to give next of kin an idea of the kind of funeral you'd prefer (while realising that you can't always have what you want).

My religion means that some parts of my funeral are not really negotiable (for instance, cremation is really not an option), but apart from that I don't care. The right hymn or the correct refreshments afterwards will make no difference to me. I want my family to do what they feel they can best cope with.

I've made all my arrangements, party because it will be stressful for DF to do it, and partly because this way I get the outcome I want.
I've left my body to my consultant for research, and my DF are opposed to the idea. If its left to them they'll block it, but I could actually be of some use when I'm dead.

We have both stipulated in our wills that we should be cremated, but so far no other details.

I will sort a funeral plan eventually though, as funerals are expensive and I won't want to leave my family with the worry about paying for it.

Considering your own mortality isn't easy to do, and certainly doesn't come naturally to everyone.

I have a life threatening condition and have twice been on life support in icu for weeks so my family faces the very real possibility of losing me. I bought a burial plot in my twenties, discussed my wishes down to the music and who I want to conduct the service, that is unless I outlive my friend who's a celebrant. I lost my brother when he was 19 in an accident. It was devastating having to make all the decisions and planning the funeral so quickly. We usually spend months planning events but here a funeral is often less than a week after the death.

@Topseyt Yes I found it really horrible to talk about. Perhaps it is because neither of us has a will that this has never come up before.

It is nice to know what he wants and to be able to do that for him. I just can’t think of anywhere that means enough to me for me to want to be there for all eternity. And I don’t like the idea of ashes being scattered and being all over the place. My OH likes the freedom of that but it’s not for me.

I'm doing it right now. I've been told my cancer has moved to my heart now and all I want to do it remove the stress of it from my husband and to make sure there's no arguments over what's going to happen between anyone. It is not fun.

I often think about it but I'm Irish!

I enjoyed planning mine!
But I am very pragmatic and organised, with strong views on the issue.
Everyone knows my plans . They may not agree with them but that is my decision.

SheNumpty I’m in exactly the same position as you. My funeral is happening in the next 18 month if I like it or not (inoperable cancer in my lymphatic system).

Everything is planned, it isn’t fair leaving it to DW knowing it’s coming. Next step within month or so is too book it all with the undertakers.

SheNumpty

Dh & I have bought our funeral plots - we are in our 50’s. We knew where we wanted to be buried so made sense. Due to our religion that part is sorted. I’ve stipulated their must be gin at the wake. That’s it!

I honestly don’t care about mine.

I’ll be dead, it’s up to my children what they would like to do with me (if they are old enough when my time comes).

However, I have filled all the forms to leave my body to science so hopefully, I can be of some use after I’m dead.

And for all of you with terminal illnesses, I totally get where you are coming from.

My mum died of cancer when I was a child and my father had such a hard time organising her funeral.

Much love to you.

I am 28 and I have thought a lot more about my hypothetical funeral than my hypothetical wedding. Not ill etc or anything but I just find it easier to imagine! I'd say we're as odd as each other OP. But if you went suddenly, would your wishes, tastes and personality be known and represented accurately by those around you?

We've discussed it with each other and left a 'letter of wishes' in with our will in case we go together. It's practical and I'm a natural planner

I've actually recently started looking at funeral plans as I want it all done and dusted before I die as I don't want leave my DCs with the task of organising it.

However, I'll be 70 in a few months. I haven't actually thought about it until recently and really think it's time I got on top of it.

I have no preference about how my funeral is at all apart from wanting to be cremated as I can't bear the idea of burial - there will be no religious ceremony at all so that's not an issue.

It is nice (well I have found it so) to feel you are doing what your relative wanted at their funeral, thinking “those are the hymns Mum loved” or whatever.

Depends how old you are, I'm 48 and, when I listen to songs, I have a listen to think if they're suitable funeral songs.

Such a shame 12 inches don't get made anymore 😂

My mum died last year and trying to decide what to do for her funeral - and to get agreement between 6 of us - was so stressful, at a time when we were really not able to deal with more stress.

One of my sisters updated her will the following week and planned her own funeral as a direct result of that, so that nobody has to do it for her.

We're also talking to Dad about what he would like us to do for his funeral, when the time comes.

I'm about to update my will and plan my funeral too as I'm a single mother and I don't want my son to have to worry about whether he's doing what I would have wanted when I die (whenever that is, hopefully not for ages)

I want to be cremated im a red dress no real reason apart from I'm a bit dramatic not too fussed about the rest.

Though a few years ago a relative donated his body to science im swaying to that I'm a full organ donor anyways but I'm not ready to 100% commit yet.

My employer actually does funeral if you die in service. Can be very formal and structured with senior officers who never knew you giving an eulogy and colleagues acting as pall bearers and forming a guard of honour.

My only wish Is that in lieu of hymns everyone sings "She Shook Me All Night Long " by ACDC. and play air guitar.....

That way no-one leaves in tears.

I'm going to be a tree when I die. Well whatever is left of me after they've taken what they want

Absolutely LizB62A agree about not leaving it to DCs I tried to discuss it with my elder DD the other week and she just refused to talk about it.

We're very close and I know she's going to be in bits when I die but even so it would fall to her to organise it and I need to make sure that doesn't happen.

I've planned to have an immediate direct cremation then my ashes taken to our lovely local pub for food, drinks, music and stories.

I've done my playlist.

No hearse, coffin, eulogies or any of that lark.

One of my sisters had a direct cremation with absolutely nothing else - not comparing this to what you're doing Malovitt.

She was a very bitter person so I don't know if she was doing it to make a point.

All I do know is that her son, who was not allowed to attend, as there was nothing to attend, was heartbroken that he wasn't able to mark her death with some sort of ceremony. I felt it was cruel of her as they were very close and he'd been her one and only support throughout the months of her illness.

Funerals are for the living left behind, not for the dead person, a vital fact to remember when planning a funeral.