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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About queue skippers

89 replies

Shockaholic · 20/06/2018 15:27

So full disclosure, I am hot headed at the best of times and hate bad manners,and I'm also pregnant at the moment and extra hormonal,so I may be over reacting!

School pickup,children in reception so collected from the classroom. Parents all queue up against wall then teacher calls kids names one by one so not a mass exit. There's one "lovely" mother who regularly - 3 times a week maybe - strolls past the 6/7/8 people ahead of her to stand right in front of the door. Annoys me every time I see it but have never said anything. Today she did it again. So I moved back in front of her and said, quite calmly not aggressively or loudly "you know there is a queue". Then stood there with back to her (so facing the door) and didn't engage further. She started saying something about "but there was a space there" I didn't turn around as I didn't see the point in discussing it further. It wasn't a one off "oh I'm in a rush today" or a mistake in not realising there was a queue,she is doing it regularly since September. But now I feel embarrassed and that I should have just left it go. Over analysing as usual and I'll cringe about it now for days.

So how unreasonable was I? (Sorry boring I know!!)

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2018 10:10

As much as queue jumping is annoying, and you're right to say something, saying it, then turning your back on her, then ignoring her when she speaks is just plain rude and immature, it's not you at school, it's your kid, there really was no need for it.

Fine if you'd told her before or she was rude in response to uou, but that wasn't the case.

Fitzsimmons · 21/06/2018 10:13

@Charolais you also had much higher infant mortality rates.

Original poster

Shockaholic · 21/06/2018 10:16

Fair enough bluntness,although I didn't turn my back on her as such,just faced the door ie the way the queue faced,if I had stood facing her that would have been far more confrontational and odd. Yeah I could have acknowledged her response/excuse I just didnt want to as this wasn't a one off on her part,it's a regular thing so the excuse was pretty meaningless. But I'm not the boss of her and I'll just ignore her in future - her manners, her problem.

OP posts:

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 10:18

then turning your back on her, then ignoring her when she speaks is just plain rude and immature

refusing to start an argument and escalate the disagreement is the only mature and respectful thing to do. It would be extremely rude and embarrassing to start arguing in the middle of school of all places! A simple comment was the best way to address that, exactly the way the OP has done it.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2018 10:22

But it doesn't seem this woman was trying to start an argument. She simply justified her behaviour. All she said was "but there was a place there".

As said, fine if she was rude in response or did try to start an argument, but she simply responded to the op, who kept her back to her and ignored her.

There are ways to handle things and this wasn't it. You can make your point and still be polite. When you do so you're more likely to win your point.

If I'd been watching Id have thought the op was right to say something but was a bitch in how she did so.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/06/2018 10:48

But it doesn't seem this woman was trying to start an argument. She simply justified her behaviour. All she said was "but there was a place there".

AKA she walked past a row of other people to the gap between the first person in the row and the door and then tried to claim she was oblivious to the quaint British custom of queuing!

Had I been watching I'd probably have given OP a smile and a quick round of applause - though I probably would have been the OP! Mainly because I don't always see that it is necessary to be polite to rude fuckers. Not least because they often see it as a sign of weakness and carry on being rude!

And that makes me sound so brave... really, I am not, I just get annoyed by blatant CFery

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 10:56

but was a bitch in how she did so.

good grief, over-reacting much!
She didn't trip the woman, didn't grab her by the hair, didn't kick her out by the window, what on earth did you want her to do?
She made a point, didn't engage, made sure it didn't end up in an argument, perfect behaviour.

quackaday · 21/06/2018 11:06

We have to queue too but this is a fairly recent request from the teacher. She maybe asked us to start doing it after the first term. Very occasionally DH will collect the kids from school, like if he's wfh that day or whatever. I mentioned a similar gripe that sometimes grandparents who don't realise we are queueing although why otherwise would we stand in such an orderly line go straight to the front and it irritates me. He just goes "eh? What queue??" he's probably peed loads of the mums off haha

Wide0penSpace · 21/06/2018 11:29

She is in the wrong, not you OP.

Sorry this is off thread but I’m response to Charolaise I’m fascinated that you’re so surprised that society has changed in the last 6/7 decades? How different was your childhood to those brought up in the 1890’s do you think?

Also I’m sure I’ve read that there is a large amount of oestrogen in our tap water from the amount of women on the contraceptive pill - the hormone is effectively flushed down the toilet and into our water supply. This is contributing to hormonal changes in children (early puberty and lower fertility rates in males).

NotAnotherUserName5 · 21/06/2018 11:30

This sounds like my school! Happened to me last week, and I wish I'd spoken up like you.

Then you get those that push in as they are talking to someone near the front

Yanbu.

Eminado · 21/06/2018 12:08

Bluntness - are you the woman?

I cant understand your perspective, otherwise.

If you see a line of people waiting and walk past them straight to the front - what goes on in your head?

What do you think they are doing?

What do you think they are waiting for?

Do you think they ALLhave more time/less commitments/dont need to be elsewhere/didnt make the effort to come earlier/are less important than you/love their kids less than you/....

i mean seriously, please explain it to me?

FlyingDandelionSeed · 21/06/2018 12:10

It honestly sounds like a mistake to me, and she thought the parents just stood where they wanted and don't realise it was a queue.

If it's been happening every day and no one ever corrected her I can see why she'd keep thinking it!

I'm as British as the stereotype but even I can muster a polite "sorry, this is a queue" if someone tries to push in!

Semster · 21/06/2018 12:12

I was told by a paediatrician in the USA to feed my then 10y old daughter organic meats and dairy......something to do with hormones in the meat/milk that was making young girls start puberty early.

This theory has been debunked. Early puberty has more to do with overweight children than growth hormones in milk and meat.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2018 12:59

No I'm not the woman,

I never understand these threads. It's like people compete to say just how rude they would be.

For me, yes I'd have said something, but politely the first time to a fellow mother at my child's school. No I would not have immediately turned my back and ignored the woman speaking to me. Maybe the second time I said something, but not the first time.

No one is excusing the woman queue jumping, but the first time you mention it there really is no need to immediately turn your back on her then ignore her speaking to you.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 13:12

reading the OP, the other woman did start to argue and the OP put an end to the discussion.

Perfectly commendable and respectful of the settings they were in. What would have been the point to start arguing? I am only seeing 1 rude person there, and it's not the OP.

busybarbara · 21/06/2018 15:04

She drives an ordinary (old ish, not top of the range) car, from seeing her around I know she works in an unskilled type job

There is no excuse for it then. I could just about write it off as just personality if she were more successful and used to getting her own way.

Original poster

Shockaholic · 21/06/2018 15:13

Sorry that description of her sounds judgy out of context but was just in relation to the comment about her being successful. And by seeing her around I mean I have seen her coming to and from work so know where she works and the work done there. And i am a SAHM myself so certainly not judging her for the work she does.

OP posts:

Tinkobell · 21/06/2018 17:18

@Bluntness100..... the assumption that one mothers time is in some way more or less valuable than another mothers time is incredibly rude. I'd be fuming. The OP did good. What's she meant to do afterwards ...smile and talk about the weather ffs!!!!

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2018 17:52

Lot of assumptions on here.

As said for me, on first pass I will be polite, after that who knows.

No wonder school gates are hell for so many women. Turn your back to her, ignore her after, she was trying to argue, she thinks her time is more important than yours, give her the slow hand clap, it's all so friggen petty.

Say it, be polite, if she starts an argument, and let's be very clear "oh but there was a space"is not starting an argument in any planet, then sure be rude.

But really you don't have to go in pulling that shit right away. It doesn't make you big or clever. No one is impressed. Sure she queue jumped, either because she didn't know or she's a cheeky fucker, mention it, play nice, give her the benefit of the doubt, and if she argues or keeps doing it then turn on your inner mean girl.

Honestly, I'm just waiting for someone to post how they'd have shouted fuck off at her in their imaginary world

Dobbythesockelf · 21/06/2018 18:07

I don't believe for a second that she hadn't realised by now she was jumping in the queue. People like that just expect other people to be to polite to say something.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2018 19:10

Ok then we differ. You'd have assumed cheeky fucker and been rude from the get go. I've have pointed it out, been polite and expected it to stop after this.

Different strokes different folks. I just really don't get the need to always be angry or rude. Politely say. Then let it go unless she starts an argument or continues to do it.

Isn't there enough shit in daily life without adding to the unpleasantness at the school in this way. If you simply say and are polite and she stops, no argument, then isn't life a little bit more pleasant?

SnuggyBuggy · 21/06/2018 19:21

Sounds like an awful lot of hassle. I'm sure no parents had to queue for their kids when I was at school.

Semster · 21/06/2018 19:39

Slightly ironic that the most argumentative person on this thread is the person telling us all to be less argumentative

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 19:45

Semster

WeaselsRising · 21/06/2018 19:51

Well done OP. We had a similar school mother who turned up after everyone else, parked on the zigzags because she was always late, then walked round people to the front every day.

Fortunately they didn't stay at the school too long as nobody was brave enough to tackle her (very bolshy woman who "couldn't speak English" when it suited her).

CFs get away with it because everyone else is too polite to pull them up.

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