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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this?

71 replies

ReplyNow · 20/06/2018 14:50

So basically I sent a message to a friend about a dispute I was having with someone else, I kept it short and just asked her in the end who was BU? It was just a small thing and I wanted a third opinion. I sent this message Sunday, she didn't reply but read the message.

Then yesterday Tuesday, I sent a message saying it's ok if you don't want to get involved, just let me know. Expecting she would say something if that was the problem. No reply, but she read it.

Today is Wednesday, and I'm like WTF? I've given her every benefit of doubt, what can I do?

I want to add, before I sent the message about the dispute, we were chatting normally, but as soon as I sent that message, she just started ignoring me.

What do you think ?

OP posts:
MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 20/06/2018 15:10

She maybe hasn't replied to the second message because she's a bit annoyed that you not only put her in an awkward position in the first place but then you also pushed her for a response when she was clearly indicating by going silent that she didn't want to give one. That's why I think an apology on your part is in order.

Original poster
ReplyNow · 20/06/2018 15:11

@LimeCheesecaker I see your point, I'm just gonna leave it for now. I'm not texting her again

OP posts:
hididdlyhoneighborino · 20/06/2018 15:11

She probably disagrees with you.

SoddingUnicorns · 20/06/2018 15:12

Actually OP I think you should text her an apology.

Bluntness100 · 20/06/2018 15:14

Leaving it is a good plan. She doesn't want to be involved in your marital disputes and if you've previous for this, that's why. Otherwise she thinks you're in thr wrong and doesn't want to say. Or it's both.

Jaxhog · 20/06/2018 15:27

YABU! If I was her, I would have immediately deleted your email. You're effectively asking her to take your 'side' in a marital tiff. Ten foot and barge pole spring to mind.

ReanimatedSGB · 20/06/2018 15:28

It depends how much form you have for whining to her about your troubles. Are your conversations with her always about you? Maybe she's tired of it and would prefer to pull back a bit.

Emmageddon · 20/06/2018 15:38

Don't be upset. Just accept that your friend really doesn't want to get involved in your marital disharmony.

watchingwithinterest · 20/06/2018 15:44

I wouldn't send her any further messages for the next few days and when you send the next one just ensure it is bright and breezy and nothing to do with the subject.

She obv wants to stay out of it

Talk to a friend who is happier to be in a supporting role if you need to talk things through. A closer friend.

Katgurl · 20/06/2018 16:03

I'd be a little upset. You have put yourself out there a bit with the second message, she could have replied regardless saying "sorry yeah, just felt a bit awkward being dragged into the middle..."

But I would move on and not bring it up again. There may be more going on with her related or entirely unrelated that you don't know about.

Original poster
ReplyNow · 20/06/2018 16:09

@Katgurl Exactly! she could have said that.

Anyway I just sent a text next saying " sorry if I've put you in a awkward position ".

I just don't know if I can't text her again and be "bright and breezy", unless she text me first of course about something else.

OP posts:
SoddingUnicorns · 20/06/2018 16:11

I just don't know if I can't text her again and be "bright and breezy", unless she text me first of course about something else

Why are you the one acting the injured party? Good grief OP, grow up. Stop whinging about your marriage to people, don’t be so entitled with friends and don’t send half arsed apologies.

It should have read “I’m sorry THAT I put you in an awkward position.”

No wonder she hasn’t replied, I’d have blocked you for your sheer childishness.

KC225 · 20/06/2018 16:13

The problem with these type of dilemmas is that she givesbher opinion. Most likely siding with you as you are her friend and it's your side of the story she has heard. Then you go back and say 'even text friend ones thinks your being unreasonable' then you and DH make up everything is forgotten except text friend is cold shouldered or considered a trouble mker for sticking her oar in and the DH starts to make her feel awkward. Take the hint. She doesn't want to get involved, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Sent a rant if you need to let of steam about your DH. That way she can reply with 'Bad day?' Or the like. Don't expect her to referee your disagreements.

daffodillament · 20/06/2018 16:14

I think it's just rude not to respond to you at all. If it is just a tiff and she's a good friend why can't she just either
A : Reply with her view.
B : Tell you to sort it out and not involve her.
Either way though it's bloody annoying when people do this and just creates more unnecessary stress. No doubt she will text you back soon though.

Frenchienads · 20/06/2018 16:19

I don’t want to get involved.....but there might be a chance she’s blowing your husband? Just a thought!

Original poster
ReplyNow · 20/06/2018 16:21

@LimeCheesecaker I don't get it, how is it pushy?

So you should just simply ignore the person?

OP posts:
Footballmumofthefuture · 20/06/2018 16:22

I can't can't anything with out context of the argument. How close are your OH and friend?

There is too little info here.

VictimofLava · 20/06/2018 16:32

Leave her out of it.

How childish.

Etino · 20/06/2018 16:35

If it's on watsapp you can delete your messages and carry on as normal. Even though she's seen them it sends the message that you're not expecting a reply. Then send her a funny GIF tomorrow.

SoddingUnicorns · 20/06/2018 16:36

I don't get it, how is it pushy?

Because you didn’t take the hint when she didn’t reply and text again while getting prissy that she ignored you.

So you should just simply ignore the person?

If someone was texting me inane shite I would. And I definitely would if they demanded a response!

CaledonianQueen · 20/06/2018 16:39

Why didn’t you post on here? Rather than involve a friend? The relationships board is full of helpful non biased people who are all happy to tell you whether yabu or not. Don’t post on AIBU though unless you want lots of YABU and very little advice.

Original poster
ReplyNow · 20/06/2018 16:45

@SoddingUnicorns Ok, if she didn't want to get involved, don't you think it's better to say it than ignore?

What would you have done? Just take the hint that she doesn't want to get involved and just get carry on as normal, talk about something else?

I just feel like there's this elephant in the room and I can't just carry on as normal.

She hasn't spoken to me since Sunday, so what do I do? Just text her about something completely different?

OP posts:
SoddingUnicorns · 20/06/2018 16:47

What would you have done? Just take the hint that she doesn't want to get involved and just get carry on as normal, talk about something else?

That’s exactly what I’d have done. But then I wouldn’t have sent the texts in the first place.

I just feel like there's this elephant in the room and I can't just carry on as normal

That’s your issue, not hers.

Katgurl · 20/06/2018 17:22

God some posters here are d!cks.

Anyway imo you have two options -

  1. phone and open with "listen I wanted to clear the air as I felt awkward about the texts. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable..." And then hear her out. For all you know she might have some massive stuff going on and she meant to message you back but got sidetracked. Or if she says she did feel awkward just respond "yeah, that's exactly why I sent the second text. But when you didnt respond I felt totally confused." Now a word of caution - this approach will only help if you get yourself into a very friendly, I wanna-make-up mood first of all. There's no point faux apologising with a subtext of accusation.

  2. do nothing and let her take the lead. When she messages you about something else just move on from it all.

I would not text again. Tone in text messages can be very easily misinterpreted (which is possibly what happened with yours). Plus you're feeling so vulnerable already, imagine how you'll feel wondering if she's even going to respond.

Butterflykissess · 20/06/2018 17:43

wow mns is a weird place! i dont understand why your getting such a hard time op. its normal to talk to your friends about your relationship op. yanbu

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