Diabetic child and mother in law.

[Booie09]

My DC is a type 1 diabetic so today before they did a sporting activity after school they had their finger tested and a biscuit was given to keep her levels stable, after they had finished I checked again and her levels were slightly above what they should be anyway they asked for a snack and I said no because their levels would rise and they would be eating dinner within the next hour anyway they got upset and they left for hone with MIL. When I arrived home my DC said that I had made them Angry and upset that I had refused them a snack to which my MIL replied I took them in the shop and bought them some sweets but said they can't have them now but can have them with dinner Aibu to be pissed off that I look like the bad guy again!!

@FatCow2018 She means (I think) that were the child to have had a snack then, it would have been hard to get the child back into range for dinner. Meaning the child may have had high blood glucose for hours.

@FatCow2018 Ah, just re-read... Probably because OP wants to check post-meal glucose and have an idea which way it's heading before bedtime, so early dinner may be better?

MIL is definitely out of line. I agree with you that people should check with the parents before offering ANY sweets to a diabetic child.

If your child's blood sugar levels are all over the place, you may need to see their GP. Given that your DC is 9, it's possible they are starting (or about to start) puberty and this can be a time where it's very difficult to regulate their blood sugar. They may need their medication adjusted.

I think you maybe need to chat to MIL about the dynamic around diabetes and parents/ children. It’s so easy to always be the bad cop rather than trying to be a team who manage a condition together.

Hopefully she will see that it’s healthier for all of you to be on that same team.

They have their lunch at 12.30 and my DC is a very slow eater so i like them to eat dinner around 5.30....

@FatCow2018

If you do a meal at 6:30 you then need to wait 2 hours and retest so would be 8:30 and then give a snack to see them through the night so could easily be 9pm before child gets to bed. If they were high you then need to wait another two hours and so forth, it's not quite as cut and dry as it sounds.

We have quite a strict routine and on days where it doesn't go to plan it negatively effects the boys blood sugars without a doubt! It is a very hard balancing act between food, the rate at which it effects said child and balancing insulin to reflect this!

Type 1 here. At 9 your DD is old enough to be able to discuss this with you. She needs to manage her blood sugars under your supervision. She would have to come to the conclusion that it would be best not to have a snack. Parents who are too regimented or strict risk the child going out of control as they get older.

MIL feels sad for your child. She bought her a treat for later. Why are you the baddy?

Could she have had a snack today and you do the monitoring post dinner tomorrow?

Diabetes is a horrible condition - it robs you of so much and casts a shadow over every ‘normal’ aspect of life.

If you are having trouble monitoring then please ask your team to give your DD a chance on freestyle libre. It will make the job so much easier.

She is absolutely amazing with how she deals with her diabetes and does so well, I usually go with the flow but as I said on this occasion I just wanted to keep a check! As her levels were all over the place! I'm really trying to do the right thing!!

Do you have a cgm?
Is she pumping or mdi? It sounds like MDI?

I do think you were unreasonable to say no to snack (D-parent here)as she could have had a carb free snack (meat and cheese?) or you could have bolused slightly more for the snack so as to correct the high?
I understand why you might not want to give another injection if MDI...but at 9 she's old enough to decide whether it's worth another injection?

I'm not sure why she couldn't eat until 6.30 if she had a snack, is it because you're worried about stacking insulin? I don't think one meal and one snack would be a concern there.

@crazymum they can go to bed before testing though. Most people night test? If my dd ate at 6.30 (ok she has cgm so the two hour test isn't relevant) I'd still send her to bed at 8 as long as she was above 6, then night test as normal.

I don't think your MIL was being U. She gave her sweets to have with dinner, so no extra bolus / injection and if she's going to have sweets the fat in her dinner would hopefully stop a huge spike, so better than having them alone!

agnurse but sweets are no different from say orange juice or cereal in their impact on blood sugar. They're not inherently bad for a diabetic child. They're very likely to spike blood sugars but fruit (especially juice), cereal, sweetened yogurt, dried fruit, even a jacket potato...could all do the same.

I work at her school so i didn't have any carb free snacks on me! We live across the road from school and I told her she could have a carb free snack when she got in.

Sounds to me like your MIL found a nice solution. Seems like she has your back and wouldn't let DD have a snack now, but acknowledged that it's shitty that her diabetes meant she couldn't have a snack now so was making up for it with sweets later when she can have insulin (and having sweets after dinner will mean that the dinner will bring the GI of the sweets down and the sweets will impact her blood sugar less). So the sweets later after dinner help offset some of the unfairness of diabetes.

Have you considered an insulin pump? It gives a lot more flexibility when dealing with kids and diabetes.

We don't limit what she can eat it's just this one occasion I wanted to see what her levels were without a snack before dinner! Diabetes is unfair but sometimes she has a snack then won't eat her dinner! I just don't think my MIL should of taken her into the shop to buy sweets when I said no! We have sweets in the house and my daughter is not really a chocolate lover so they will sit in the fridge. We asked her if she wanted a pump but she wants to stay on injections for the time being!!

From my reading of your OP you didn't say no to sweets. You said no to a snack now and MIL bought sweets for later. Different things IMO. I do see how you could see this as MIL undermining if you think DD was upset at you and MIL bought the sweets to be the nice guy in the situation. But maybe try and see it more as MIL trying to make life a bit more fair for DD and that it had nothing to do with sticking it to you - it's sticking it to diabetes.

Oh and I totally get wanting her to go a few hours without food - there's no other one way to check that the insulin doses are right if you don't do this occasionally. I have no problem with you saying no to a snack. Unfortunately kids with type 1 just can't always eat when they want to. I just think MIL was trying to make the best of a shit situation.

This is tricky. T1 for 45 years, been on a pump for last 15.
I remember being very angry and resentful at about aged 10-13.

However maybe diabetes itself isn't really the problem here? Undermining MIL is- many have that problem!!

Plus: "Diabetes is unfair (ain't THAT the truth!! 😁) but sometimes she has a snack then she won't eat her dinner". That too is a problem many face,not diabetics, just NT children!!

Tricky. Keep on going OP. Your'll get there!

I can see where your all coming from but it happens all the time! Not only with sweets! She has her a couple of times a week and I always say she must do her homework before she gets a gadget, when I go to pick her up no homework has been done and she's sitting watching you tube....

Oblomov18 Its such a shit condition if she didn't have diabetes and I still said no to a snack and mother in law bought her sweets it would be seen as totally undermining me!

YANBU - you hit the nail on the head when you said that if she didn't have T1 it would definitely be seen as undermining you. Having a child with diabetes is tricky - especially when on mdi as it's very limiting with the number of injections that can be given. My dd is on a pump which makes some aspects easier but I still don't let her eat whenever she wants - not because of T1 but because I don't want her eating crap all the time!!! I definitely sympathise as my mil is similar.

Thatsmyjoomper Exactly she would eat so much crap if I let her...it's hard but sometimes you just have to say no...

Sounds to me like you are doing brilliantly working with a really tricky condition

But DM aside, if my kid had a snack pre activity and then tea was going to be within the hour afterwards I would say no too! And I’d be massively pissed off if MIL bought them sweets at anytime tbh as it’s a needless exercise that makes kids unhealthy.

Kids askforgood the minute they get even vaguely hungry or just evaide they fancy something and it’s good to teach them to think about when their next proper meal will
be and assess if they can reasonably wait.

The DM adds a whole extra complexity to this situation of course and is why you feel
Guilty but take it out the equation for now and you really didn’t do anything wrong just saying no!

If MIL felt sorry for her and wanted to treat her then buy her a magazine or some craft stuff etc.

If MIL is like this with everything then the diabetes aspect is irrelevant and your thread should be about MIL not honouring your parenting decisions. The way you have phrased your issue is that it's MIL poorly dealing with your DD's diabetes and not that MIL likes to disregard the way you choose to parent.

Perhaps next time don't say no to a snack because her blood sugar will end up too high. Tell her no because it's too close to dinner time. The fact that you said no because of her diabetes is what takes away the idea that MIL is undermining you. It implies that if she were any other kid she would have been able to have a snack and that MIL was trying to make life more fair for her rather than just disregarding your wishes.

I have a DC with type 1 also.
I agree that it may feel like MIL has undermined you and she definitely should have ran it by you first however her solution to ask your DC to wait untill after dinner when hopefully the correction you had given had worked and there is plenty of insulin on board after dinner was an excellent one and I would have done that myself.
Believe me I know how difficult it is when bgs are all over the show but as a previous poster said you have to pick your battles and come up comprises and solutions that enable your DC to feel they gave some control and not demonise Type 1.

Not sure what treatment your DC is on but mine has a pump so that may make a difference but they do loads of sport and a biscuit pre sport would always mean a post sport high. We use fruit sticks instead which seems to work well.

I've had loads of issues with my MIL over the years regarding Type 1 management but I've come to realise it's hard for her too and her relationship with DC and support has been so invaluable I give her a bit more slack nowadays and try ( although it's very hard at times) to be relaxed in my approach if she has done something I don't agree with.

Anyway as I've said I know how difficult it can be. Trying to manage your DC's type 1 is relentless and exhausting at times ( I've had about 2 hours sleep trying to get DC bgs down all night) and exacerbated by usually well meaning people that have zero experience but lots of misinformed opinions!
I hope your DC's levels calm down soon

you have to pick your battles and come up comprises and solutions that enable your DC to feel they gave some control and not demonise Type 1

I agree with this. We will normally say no, you can't have that snack etc. right now but once your blood sugar is under 5 you can go for it. So diabetes is merely delaying the fun and not stopping it completely. We talk about how a "diabetic diet" is just the diet that everyone should follow.

Haven't yet found a happy solution for when they have to sit out during their sports because their blood sugar is too low though - can't really just make that up to them later unfortunately.

Thorsbitontheside she's on MDI usually I am pretty relaxed and normally I can give her a extra snack and her levels will be in range but this past week the have been all over the place...I know my daughter would of not asked for chocolate after I said no! I can guarantee my MIL suggested it to her to buy sweets for dinner time (which are still sat in the fridge) as I said before my daughter is not really a chocolate lover but loves crisps.

Maybe she's having a growth spurt?? My DC's are a nightmare at those times!

Just to add I don't usually let DC have sweets after school as I never know what number they will come out on however we do 'Friday sweets' so they get to choose what they want and on that day if bgs are high I say they can have a zero sugar can of pop and chewing gum which I know isn't great but they still have a treat and it doesn't effect bgs coming down. They also think it's great because most friends are not allowed chewing gum so it's nice for them to feel they can have something other kids can't for once
The up side is they know it's only Friday so don't ask for sweets on other days of the week.
ChocolatePanda that has happened to my DC and it's so sad when they are excluded. Have you tried glucojuice? I put a couple if bottles in my DC's bag for those occasions. It brings up Bgs super fast. Nothing I've tried works faster so they can usually join in after 5-10 mins. I only use it for sports though because it's a bit pricey!