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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour weird

122 replies

aliceinchunderland1 · 19/06/2018 15:45

Not my direct neighbour but our back garden backs on to his driveway. Since we moved in 2.5 years ago he's always been overly interested in what we're doing, will speak to us through the fence in the garden at any given opportunity, ask quite personal and nosey questions when doing so, he somehow (and I have absolutely no clue how) knows what my husband does for work and WHERE he works (we are very private people, don't really talk to any neighbours). He makes me feel quite uncomfortable, I cant put my finger on why but he just does, he's quite an intimidating character. We have been burgled twice since we've lived here, as have about 20 other houses on our street (just garages broken in to and the odd door lock picking attempt) but his house has never been tried. He also brings up the burglaries in conversation at very random times (when peeping through our garden fence etc and he always mentions it first). We've added height to the fences so he can no longer see through as easily, but it doesn't stop him trying. He also sent a tree surgeon to my house to enquire about chopping the top off of a tree at the end of my garden, he didn't speak to us before he arranged for them to visit so I just politely declined and said the tree was fine as it. This afternoon I've had a visit, literally seconds after I got home from work, from a man I have never seen before saying 'i've spoken to your Dad about some flooring' (it's just me and DH living here) and 'I'm certain it's this address i've got a text to confirm it'. I was clueless so sent him away, only he drove further in to the cul-de-sac rather than out of it. 15 mins passed and he still hadn't driven back out of the road so I took the dog for a walk to see where he'd got to, and low and behold he's parked on my strange neighbours drive talking to him. AIBU to think he's sent this person to my house for some reason and is just a bit of an oddball in general (it's not like the house numbers could have been mixed up, we are number 5, he is number 32)? I'm thinking of popping round there later on to ask who the 'flooring man' was and why he stopped at my house?

OP posts:
Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 19/06/2018 19:42

WiFi password being changed, we don’t have a shredded but that’s a good suggestion so I’ll get one. No baby monitor either but I am pregnant so at least I know I need to be careful there when the time comes!

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Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 19/06/2018 19:43

Shredder not shredded!

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Filzma · 19/06/2018 21:48

Late 30s!! OMG he was around 65-70 in my head. Late 30s means he's still agile and could harm you. Please don't go round his place on your own.

I'd say be more vigilant and unpredictable with schedule. Leave curtain/blinds facing his house closed from Thursday to Monday morning. Pretend to have travelled with little movement that weekend and lights out early especially with natural lights in summer. I'd mess up with his head and see what he gets up to. This is right up my street.

Troels · 19/06/2018 22:16

I imagined a retired man who was just plain nosey. Being young does somehow make ot worse.
Please be careful

RedPanda2 · 19/06/2018 22:28

How did he get your email address?

Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 19/06/2018 22:36

Sorry I probably should have put it in my OP! He doesn’t have my email address redpanda

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UterusUterusGhali · 19/06/2018 22:46

Do you remember the flooring company?

Could you ask flooring guy for the number of your "dad" then ring it while near/talking to creepy neighbour. Someone that age is more likely to have their phone on them. You'd know if it was him.

DesignStatement · 19/06/2018 22:47

Get police crime prevention people round that advise on security. Discuss your concerns with them about your neighbour. (I too imagined an old man!). Ask him who is best to share your concerns with.

Do any of your other neighbours have similar concerns?

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 19/06/2018 22:47

Placemarking

UterusUterusGhali · 19/06/2018 22:48

Might he have the email from the neighbourhood watch emails, although you said he's not in it, is he getting updates?

I've got hold of a neighbour's email this way. (For non-nefarious purposes I might add!)

Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 20/06/2018 08:16

The flooring man wasn’t from a company, his car wasn’t signwritten he was very much a handyman. Strange neighbour doesn’t have my email address, nice neighbour always BCCs us all into emails so we don’t see each others email addresses. The only neighbours we really speak to are the nice neighbourhood watch ones, so next time I bump into them on a dog walk I’ll gently see if they have any concerns about strange neighbour man too

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MereDintofPandiculation · 20/06/2018 08:27

OMG he was around 65-70 in my head
I imagined a retired man who was just plain nosey.
The way you were describing I assumed he was an old man.
Hmm ... bit of a pattern emerging

Cuttingthegrass · 20/06/2018 08:30

How creepy. I hadn't thought about people rifling through bins but sounds plausible.

YY to making up stories about where you're going and what you're buying

BadCarrot · 20/06/2018 08:35

Perhaps he knows your friends or colleagues and they have mentioned what you are up to? Simple solution and certainly one that happens in the medium sized town we live in. So many people know each other or are related!

thetemptationofchocolate · 20/06/2018 09:40

Maybe the reason he's never been burgled is because he's always lurking about.

Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 20/06/2018 09:44

He seems to take the majority of his phone calls in his driveway which I've always thought was odd, meaning I can see/hear him from my garden or kitchen window. He just always seems to be 'around' whenever we're outside. It may be a coincidence but I feel strange things have happened too many times now!

Almost forgot, we had a kitchen fitter in a year or so ago, one day the kitchen fitter mentioned that he'd donated our old oven to our 'friend' at number 32 as he'd come to the door when DH and I were at work and asked for it!!

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Zaphodsotherhead · 20/06/2018 09:52

When the fitter said he 'came to the door' - did he actually step inside? Because there is an immense amount you can glean about people even in the instant you step through the front door...do you leave mail on the mat or would the kitchen fitter have picked it up and put in on a nearby surface? Did he help the kitchen fitter to move the oven out? Because a fast reader who can read upside down can get details of you very quickly without even seeming to have taken notice, if there is any paperwork lying around.

I know, I am one. It's astonishing the sort of personal information that people leave around and think nobody could possibly read...

Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 20/06/2018 09:59

Zaphodsotherhead I'm sure the oven was in our driveway as it had just been removed from the house, at least I really bloody hope so but I'm doubting everything at the moment!

We have an external letterbox on the wall outside the house or else the dogs would rip the post up, maybe he's been pinching letters? It wouldn't be hard to stick your hand in there. Although we have cameras out the front of the house so it would pick up any movement like that. Confused

I remember texting my DH when he was at work a few months ago as I was at home and noticed strange neighbour drive past, stop outside our house for a few seconds, and then carry on down the road. Nothing massively out of the ordinary but just made me a bit uneasy as it was him.

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Troels · 20/06/2018 10:03

If he came to the door, he probably came in to help move the cooker, he may have got your internet password from the sticker then.
He's bloody cheeky asking for your old oven. You'd think a man in his 30's with a wife and child and presumably a job wouldn't have time to hang out in the drive talking on his phone and getting in on others business.

BigGapMum · 20/06/2018 10:10

Did you change the locks when you moved in? Is there any chance that he held a key for the previous occupants and could access your house when you're out?

fuzzyfozzy · 20/06/2018 10:14

It is odd, and it'd bother me.
Change lock barrels and internet password
See if there's a better letter box that's more secure
Check your cctv

TheMaddHugger · 20/06/2018 10:16

Do you talk on a cordless phone?? If anyone is on the same frequency they can listen in to all your calls.

singadream · 20/06/2018 10:16

This is odd. Have an informal chat with local police. Chanage locks. Create fake holiday. Check for hidden mics. He sounds like a fantasist/stalker.
Or just move hiuse.

singadream · 20/06/2018 10:17

Also my friends once heard the locks bei g opened at their old house and they leapt up and ran to front door and it was the old occupant they had bought off coming back a few years later “just for a look”. Wtf. They hadn’t changed the locks.

Original poster
aliceinchunderland1 · 20/06/2018 10:18

They're doing a lot of house renovations, so don't seem to be strapped for cash. The oven was shit anyway, you wouldn't get much use out of it! He also throws in the odd comment about money which is odd seeing as we don't know him, things like "nice car, they must pay well at XXX company doing XXX role" (husbands company and job!) He also likes to make us aware that he's not short of money when he does speak to us.

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