How to deal with men wanting to kiss me

[Racmactac]

Ok so I have just set up my own business and started doing lots of networking.

So far I have been asked out several times but managed to deal with that with a straight NO and a death stare.

However I have had several men say goodbye by leaning over and giving me a kiss. (Peck on the cheek to be clear)

I absolutely do not want another man in my personal space but how would you deal with it?

I do not understand why they do this - AIBU. It's not acceptable

Can you get in first with a handshake?
Take a step back and raise an eyebrow?
"A handshake will do fine, thank you"

Hmmmm good question. I come from a very lovie industry so see this quite a lot. Maybe stand a good distance away when ready to go and put your hand right out with a smiley "goodbye then!".

So far I have been asked out several times but managed to deal with that with a straight NO and a death stare
Unless they're being aggressive dicks, are basic manners such a hardship?

How about when you say goodbye you hold your hand out for a shake as you do so? That might head them off at the pass.

It's hard because a kiss on the cheek isn't an uncommon way to say goodbye if it's someone you've met before but I absolutely understand it making you uncomfortable. I would try and avoid as above if possible and hopefully people won't push it!

Yep this happens at my work, it may seem slightly rude to stick your arm straight out at them as a clear signal for a handshake (which is what I do) but if they have any common sense they will realise it is unprofessional to kiss a colleague.

Stick your hand out for a handshake first. If they're so rude as to ignore that you can raise an eyebrow and say something but actually no one's ever ignored the handshake signal with me so I'm not sure what I'd say if they did!

Totally unacceptable for someone to ask you out at a business meeting though, wtf are they thinking?

Unless they're being aggressive dicks, are basic manners such a hardship?

Yeah the most important thing here is to remind women that they must always be polite when faced with unwanted attention from men. Men don’t seem to be required to be professional however.....

Basic manners!! I don't give any impression that I'm interested and they aren't asking me once they've got to know me. It's literally after 10 mins.

Are you sure they aren't asking you out to eg lunch in a networky way?!

Why isn't it acceptable? How do they know you take such offense to what is a fairly common way of saying hello / goodbye?

Netoworking in my line of work is always relatively informal and this would be entirely appropriate. Completely acceptable.

I think the fact you feel it necessary to 'death stare' when asked out speaks volumes. I'm happily married (no ring) but can cope with men asking me out and managing to politely say no.

Good luck with your new business!

Odd post, I've worked with mainly all men in the last 10 years in my industry and never really suffered with them asking me out/ having to turn them down. I think you might be coming across as a little flirty as men don't generally hit on you unless you show an interest?

And the peck the cheek thing has never really bothered me, it's something if you don't want just change your body language.

I would have thought this was a generally accepted means of greeting hello/goodbye. but them I've lived in France and now work in an office full of Italians so perhaps my views are skewed.

but it's largely irrelevant as if you don't want them in your space you are not obliged to allow them to enter your personal space. end of story.

To avoid it I would suggest like a PP said attempting to get in with a proffered hand for handshakes first or just taking a small step backwards if you see them approaching.

I do think though that you should not be categorising this as a 'come on' or them making any kind of move. IT really is an accepted polite form of bidding someone hello/goodbye in a lot of society.

I'd go with the step back and offer a handshake, because most reasonable people will follow this lead. Anyone who tries to insist on hugging or kissing you is not a reasonable person and it's OK to be a bit ruder - 'A handshake is fine, thanks'.

Some people and some industries are more 'kissy' than others, and plenty of people are all right with hugs/pecks on the cheek, but anyone female or female-presenting knows that there is always going to be a percentage of men who are a bit too keen on physical contact - and who may not stop at the acceptable peck on the cheek, whether it's 'encouraged' or just endured.

*Odd post, I've worked with mainly all men in the last 10 years in my industry and never really suffered with them asking me out/ having to turn them down. I think you might be coming across as a little flirty as men don't generally hit on you unless you show an interest?

And the peck the cheek thing has never really bothered me, it's something if you don't want just change your body language.*

Just gobsmacked.

Aside from asking you out, is it not just a normal kiss hello/goodbye?

If you're not comfortable with that just put out your hand for a handshake.

What industry is your business in - intimate massage?!

Joking aside, I genuinely don't understand this. I've worked in various places including retail, nursing and beauty but I can't think of one occasion where someone has kissed or hugged me in a business environment. I have been asked out in the past by men who seem to have misjudged the setting (I think it's inappropriate to ask someone out when you're working together) but have just declined and awkwardly changed the subject. Even those men didn't try to invade my personal space.

At the end of the beefing, could you put your hand out to shake hands? Might be a way of stopping them invading your personal space?

FFS - Meeting

Op didn’t post to find out if other people think men should be kissin her. Keep your opinins of what’s normal/ polite/ acceptable to yourselves.
And particularly keep the blaming to yourself. It’s nasty.

What industry is this?!

I've NEVER come across this.

It's not professional in my view to 'kiss' at the end of a first meeting it's way too personal and it would irritate me.
Sadly it's probably opportunistic and they're trying their luck.
I'd try to deal with it the same was as Sleeping StandingUp or NameChanger suggested. Good Luck :-)

"I think you might be coming across as a little flirty as men don't generally hit on you unless you show an interest? "

absurd comment.

@Ohyesiam

She said "I do not understand why they do this - AIBU. It's not acceptable"

It's obviously unclear and poorly written but surely it's ok to interpret her question as asking why people do these kisses? Another interpretation is if these kisses are acceptable and therefore 'should' is intrinsically linked.

HTH

Are they asking you in a polite way?

You are being unnecessarily aggressive. A kiss in the cheek or both is a perfectly normal way to greet and say goodbye to someone. I can understand nkt liking it, I don't like people touching my face but it is a basic pleasantly. How would you feel if someone, 'dealt' with you shaking their hand?

Ok I don't flirt with them or give of signals that I might be interested. I'm at work in a professional capacity.

It's a general networking thing. Lots of different types of people and businesses.

It's happened several times. I absolutely am not bothered if I was in a pub setting and saw people I know.

To reiterate. I do not know these men, maybe have met them once or twice and looking for business.

It's my personal space and I'm surprised how many of you think it's ok for a man you don't know to lean in to kiss you