How to deal with men wanting to kiss me

[Racmactac]

Ok so I have just set up my own business and started doing lots of networking.

So far I have been asked out several times but managed to deal with that with a straight NO and a death stare.

However I have had several men say goodbye by leaning over and giving me a kiss. (Peck on the cheek to be clear)

I absolutely do not want another man in my personal space but how would you deal with it?

I do not understand why they do this - AIBU. It's not acceptable

[yorkiemummy]

Of course YANBU! You don't want them to kiss you so they shouldn't, I am sure nobody would say their daughters should accept kisses off random strangers so why is this any different just because you are an adult, if they don't kiss the men they shouldn't kiss you

[RoseWhiteTips]

From the title, I thought you meant PROPER kissing. Good grief, they are just being nice. I like this sort of interaction.

[LastOneDancing]

Yup. I have a few managers in my patch who like to kiss me hello and I'm in a very boring industry and a very average 40yo mum of 2. I find it hugely inappropriate.

I now offer my hand to male colleagues as soon as I see them coming.
I read somewhere a handshake is a sign that you are equals and that feels true to me.

[ConstantlyCold]

I do lots of networking. It’s very normal for people to greet each other (and say goodbye) with kiss on the cheek. Does everyone do this to your colleagues or is it just some men singling you out?

[ManchesterGin]

Surely a polite “no thank you” without the death stare is perfectly reasonable the first time a man you are not interested in asks you out in any context?

[ReanimatedSGB]

Do these men kiss other men on the cheek, when they barely know them? I doubt it. The kind of man who does this knows perfectly well it's inappropriate - it's condescending and intrusive, not friendly. It's a way of saying 'look, little girl, you don't really belong here, we are just indulging you.' And the aim may well be to get the woman to react impolitely, so the man can then mansplain to her how 'networking' is actually done ie if you are female you must accept sexual pressure from men and not complain.

[Ohyesiam]

@tripyou well it helps me to see you are a skim reader, as the previous sentence is
I absolutely do not want another man in my personal space but how would you deal with it?

[Altwoo]

I must confess I have done some networking meetings where I wasn’t sure what the men’s interest really was, and was nervous was to why they might want to meet up (which might just say something about me!). Kissing in some networking groups is quite common, though.

But - have you considered trying women-only networks? It takes away any doubt and can be really effective.

[SleepingStandingUp]

RoseWhiteTips You Might, but OP doesn't so she shouldn't have to put up with it.

Yeah the most important thing here is to remind women that they must always be polite when faced with unwanted attention from men
Not at all, but someone politely asking for her number or a date can politely be told no. Someone not being polite justifies the death glare and abrupt response. This is a networking situation and I don't see the need to reply to politeness with rudeness.
Op has clarified that these guys are literally meeting her and asking her out straight away so actually the glare and no is warranted as opposed to someone an hour later asking if she fancies dinner some time.

[loveisland]

@Racmactac maybe we were quick to assume but your going to have to drip feed us what industry you are in? Sounds like quite a lot of sleazes!

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Kissing on the cheek is fairly normal (and yes I run my own business). I must confess, If you keep giving out “death stares” at networking events I don’t think that they are going to work for you.

Yes I’ve had people that have made me uncomfortable and those I tend to move away from.

Re being asked out - are you sure this isn’t just “let’s meet us to discuss your business proposal?” Not saying it doesn’t happen, but honestly, it doesn’t sound like the events you are attending are ideal if you think they’re basically a way of everyone finding dates!

[ABuckToothedGirlinLuxembourg]

Very surprised that some of you are making this out to be normal polite behaviour. It absolutely is not. When they lean in to kiss you take a step back and offer your hand to shake. Really this is NOT acceptable.

[ABuckToothedGirlinLuxembourg]

Exactly @reanimatedSGB they know exactly what they’re doing.

[zippey]

Difficult one. I agree that it shouldn’t happen, let’s face it, a man wouldn’t peck another man on the cheek when saying goodbye. It’s condescending when done with people you hardly know.

But it’s how things are done in terms of etiquette. It’d be the same as recoiling or doing something other than shaking, when a handshake is offered.

Good question, not sure what an acceptable answer is though.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Handshaking is both non-intrusive and completely gender neutral. (A person who eg won't shake hands with someone of the opposite sex is regarded as rude, sure, because there are no flirty associations with shaking hands). If you are someone who really doesn't like to touch other people at all, you can probably get round it by wearing gloves and saying you have a skin problem or something, but most people can manage a quick handshake.

But there are enough stories (particularly around the #metoo movement) of women thinking that the man inviting her for coffee/lunch/a one to one meeting is going to offer help, advice or a business deal only to find out that all he's offering is his dick, so not surprised OP is not thrilled with the behaviour she's encountering.

I don't know what line of business, or what level of business, OP is gong, but maybe these networking events are not the right ones? Some small-scale networking events are useless anyway as they are full of scammers and losers as well as men on the sniff for women they can bother.

[chestylarue52]

“I’ve never experienced this personally, therefore it must not be true”

Do you know how you sound when you write stuff like that?

[Racmactac]

Thanks for all your comments. As for the comments about my industry or the networking I'm attending.

It's general networking organised by the chamber and also another local one but mainly professional people.

My profession is irrelevant I think.

I need to be quicker at putting my hand up to stop them going in for the kiss. I don't think it's appropriate at all.

[GoldenWonderwall]

I hate it, it’s unnecessary and uncomfortable. It’s also massively inappropriate to be asking people out at business events. Why can’t we just do our work and get on with stuff?