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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel I've become middle-aged and irrelevant almost overnight?

160 replies

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/06/2018 13:13

I've just turned 47. And I don't know what's happened! I use to understand memes and cultural references, but now I understand barely 1 word out of 10 in my DC's conversations.

I crave old-fashioned values like kindness, punctuality (I never used to be punctual!!!) and reliability.

Bits of my job (marketing) annoy me now. When people talk about "creating stories" I just think, "oh shut up, you ponce".

I buy things because they look well-made rather than cool.

I crave silence, and reading, and little treats with a coffee. My face scares me if I don't have make-up on. I'm suddenly into gardening.

I'm realising I've probably blown my chances to be a best-selling novelist and TV presenter/Instagram influencer, but I'm finding I'm not really that bothered about it.

My DH is 2 years older and he pusses me if when he suggests going to gigs in the pub, because I've been doing that for 30 years and would just like a nice dinner party, really.

I feel I've gone from young to old in 6 months. Is this normal? Is this how it happens?

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 19/06/2018 13:52

welcome to our club. i was roped into a fitness well being test today out shopping - one question ' do you drink and then do anything you regret?' ' not in the last 30 years' was my reply.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/06/2018 13:52

57 here and just starting the descent.

Don't they say that you know you are middle aged when a cancelled social engagement makes you relieved rather than indignant?

I'm there.

GoldenButtercup · 19/06/2018 13:53

It's when you buy a pair of shoes for comfort rather than fashion and look Hmm at people in ripped jeans that you start to feel of mature years Confused

The80sweregreat · 19/06/2018 13:53

zap, even the thought of going out or getting dressed up brings me out in hives these days.

anotherpersona · 19/06/2018 13:54

The poncey talk at work Grin.
I'll have to name change after this but my employer is moving away from 'offices' to 'inspirational spaces'. Luckily I have friends who are a similar age so we just roll our eyes together.
ps I do not work in a creative industry.

TumbleTussocks · 19/06/2018 13:54

I never had a wild youth and I suspect that most MNetters didn't either.

crunchymint · 19/06/2018 13:54

I have never understood a cancelled social engagement making you feel relieved. I love socialising.

essietopcoat · 19/06/2018 13:55

I recognise a lot of what you're saying, though I would not be at all pussed off if DH suggested going to a gig in a pub. Tends to be me suggesting this and him finding excuses not to..hey ho.

crunchymint · 19/06/2018 13:55

I think most hate the poncey talk at work as they get older, because you realise it is a load of rubbish. You do get wiser and see through loads of rubbish that people say and do.

stevie69 · 19/06/2018 13:56

Welcome to my world. I'm not going down without a fight though Grin

Nofilter · 19/06/2018 13:56

36 and kind of wear this stuff like a badge as it’s actually who i am not “trying to be xxxx” in my twenties!!

#simplethings

GoldenButtercup · 19/06/2018 13:56

It's also not the gardening but when you join a gardening club and then volunteer to be firstly on the committee and then treasurer Confused

stevie69 · 19/06/2018 13:57

I never had a wild youth and I suspect that most MNetters didn't either

Neither did I — but I'm having a totally outrageous middle age Grin

Cath2907 · 19/06/2018 13:57

I've been there (except the gardening bit) for some years. I go to bed at 10pm, I like to read, my taste in music is classic or dated, I find corporate-speak inane and silly. Most of the new exciting initiatives I have seen before at some point in my 20 year career. I enjoy long walks with the dog or snuggling down on the sofa to watch Dr Who re-runs or read a trashy novel. I refuse to wear shoes that hurt my feet. I don't use text speak. I am 40 and I think I found middle-age around 33!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/06/2018 13:58

If I finally get totally pussed if with DH and tried dating again, a man could seduce me just by sexting me about his final-salary pension, BUPA, pet plans and comprehensive car insurance.

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 19/06/2018 13:58

Yes that's how it happens .
I'm loving the ' not giving a shit' aspect of it all.
I look worse than ever but am more self confident that ever too Grin

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/06/2018 14:00

The weird thing is, I had a wild youth. I was a Goth. I went to art college. I saw so many bands. I lived in crazy house-shares. I had a poncey media job. I did drugs. I drank about 850 units a week. I lived on the edge.

Now I don't go anywhere near the edge, even when I'm crossing the road.

OP posts:
1wokeuplikethis · 19/06/2018 14:03

Oh OP, I think it's less that you're middle aged and more that you just know who you are and what you like.

I'm 32 and found myself nodding along to your post! I love silence and reading and good people! I potted a hanging basket for the first time and it's flowering and I've found myself gazing at the garden wondering what else I can create Grin

I can't be arsed with big gobs, gossip peddlers or the ever-offended. I like to be in bed for 10:30pm and I have recently started not buying 100% cotton tops.

Written down I sound boring as fuck. I also like talking to other women who have something funny and interesting to say rather than young child related drivel. I like getting a bit smashed and wearing short shorts and dirty dancing with the girls. I am just becoming content with who I am and what I value and it sounds like you are too. Definitely not a bad thing!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/06/2018 14:03

When I see someone doing something even slightly risky (for example, as dare-devil as not waiting for the Green Man to appear on the pedestrian crossing), I have to stop myself tutting and yelling, "Someone who loves you would not want you to do that!"

I have almost enough bravery to tell people off for making phone calls from the Quiet Carriage. Almost.

OP posts:
frumpety · 19/06/2018 14:05

Love this thread !

HesterShaw1 · 19/06/2018 14:07

I have almost enough bravery to tell people off for making phone calls from the Quiet Carriage. Almost.

I did that once. One "FUCK OFF WANKER" yelled in my face later, I have never done it again! She did get moved off the train though, so I had my moment of glory.

Hissy · 19/06/2018 14:07

other half and I go walking and have even started visiting those NGS Open Gardens.

It's a slippery slope

busyboysmum · 19/06/2018 14:09

It's the hangovers that have done it for me. Ruins a night out really as I know I'm going to be suffering for the next week. I'd still be up for going out etc if I didn't feel so knackered all the time even when eating well, exercising and not drinking. I'd be a mess if I still lived like I did in my 20s.

AbsolutelyBeginning · 19/06/2018 14:10

I'm there. I am all partied-out and quite ready to be middle-aged.

CleopatrasMum · 19/06/2018 14:11

I am 49 and am a weird mixture of middle (or old) aged and inappropriately youthful. I go to festivals, albeit child-friendly v small ones as my days of large crowds and dodgy loos are long behind me. Like the PP above, I have never met a plant I couldn't kill within hours and am actually depressed when someone buys me flowers. I am also rarely in bed before midnight and was completely excited by the arrival of the new Jurassic Worlkd film (which was disappointingly crap btw).

However, I am obsessed with comfortable footwear and always have been (luckily DMs were v cool when I was a student in the paleolithic period), buy my clothes from such tragic outfitters as Debenhams Classic collection and even Bon Marche (largely because I am fat admittedly), and still mourn the loss of BhS where I could always get a trouser to fit.

However, I think the real nail in my coffin is that on a sunny day my first thought is invariably "Ooh, great drying out today!". I am officially my Mum.

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