Boyfriend not staying with me

[AppleBlossomTimeNow]

Had an IUD fitted yesterday evening - was not the most enjoyable experience, and I still feel like I've been kicked in the uterus. Decided to have an IUD as BF couldn't take time off work recovering from a vasectomy, and condoms are a pain because he occasionally gets erectile dysfunction & they kill the mood. So I've taken one for the team. He came round last night but buggered off at 11pm when I assumed he'd stay over to keep me company and hopefully some hugs/TLC. AIBU to think this is pretty callous or am I expecting too much?

key word there is 'assumed'. You assumed he would stay, why not just ask him? he's not a mind reader

How long have you been with him OP?

Why didn't you tell him what you needed? YABU

YABU tbf why didn't you ask him to stay if you wanted him to?

YABU. He can't read bloody minds. Say what you want.

I'd prefer to have the bed to myself

I dunno, If you don't live together I wouldn't have assumed an iud fitting was any particular reason to stay if you didn't tell him you wanted him to

You had a coil fitted, it's hardly major surgery! I can't imagine he'd think you needed any special treatment, but if you wanted him to stay you should have just asked.

If you do t live together I don’t see why you would expect him to guess!

Surely by 11pm you just wanted to sleep anyway?

It's an IUD. I don't think I even told DH that I was having one fitted let alone expect him to give me TLC afterwards!

Don't be such a martyr, it's really manipulative. If you want something from your partner then communicate that to them using words. Yanbu to want a bit of tlc but you are totally unreasonable to expect him to guess what you want then seek to hang him out to try on an Internet forum because he can't read your mind. Relationships need effective communication to survive.

i didnt think they were that much of a bid deal? its hardly major surgery.

Unless you asked him to stay, I don't see why he'd have thought it necessary. Having a coil fitted is a pretty straightforward procedure.

Did you really need hugs and tlc? You have a pretty standard thing fitted right? It’s hardly full on surgery love come on now.

He did stay until 11pm so no doubt you got your hugs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I felt terrible after my Mirena was fitted, but it was just like super period pains I didn’t need anything more than being brought chocolate! I didn’t expect my DP to be a mindreader though, why didn’t you just ask him to stay if you wanted him to stay?

abit confused, would he have a vastemony if he could get the time of work! pretty serious decision! Whenever ive had a smear or even the injection or implant DH always looks after me. I massively over play it but it is painful and we are doing it for them too so abit of TLC is the least id expect really.

Fairly standard procedure and he stayed till 11pm. I think yabu.

If you wanted him to stay I really dont get why you just didnt ask him?

I had one fitted and didn't need company afterwards. It's not necessarily a big deal. If it is for you, you have to be clear about it with the other person.

he should have at least asked you what you needed. Ugh IUD fittings ...shudder...hope you feel better today

Key word here is assumed
I’ve had an IUD fitted before and I didn’t need any TLC or hugs. I just got on with my day as usual.
You had a different experience but in no way could he have guessed or assumed this would be the case for you.

Other question is: how were you during the evening? Did you tell him you weren’t feeling well etc?
If he left wo a backward glance knowing you weren’t feeling great/were in pain, then not great.
If you had a normal evening of watching TV, the football, something to eat and never really mentioned it (or only in a passing way), the again, no way he could have guessed you needed that support. It would have been nice if he had asked but I dint think it has to be compulsory iyswim

willow if I have an IUD fitted, I do it for myself. Because I don’t want to get pregnant.
I don’t it for my partner and would never do it for them. Because whether it’s the IUD, injection etc... it’s still a medical procedure with potential side effects.

Are the two related?

You had an IUD - ok. Your partner didn't stay over - so what... did you ask him to? Does it matter if he didn't feel like it on that particular evening?

I think most women who have had a coil fitted wouldn't even have assumed you needed someone to stay with you through the night for tlc, never mind a man who probably knows less about it.

As others have said, if you wanted him to stay why didn't you ask?

When my DH had a vasectomy he had it done on a Friday, took it easy over the weekend and was back to work on Monday without a problem.

He sounds like a bit of a piss taker.