To think dd shouldnt let him?

[upsideup]

For sports day each class splits into random teams who practice together and then vote for which member they want to compete in each activity. Everyone in the team gets a prize if they win so you vote for the person most likely to. For one race another boy (B) said he thinks he should do it but when they practised dd was faster, all his friends voted for him anyway but dd got the most votes. DD is already doing another activity which no one else in her team wanted to do it and she has been picked to do this race for the last 4 years. B and his friends were really angry that dd was picked and have been really nasty to her since. Lots of saying she was cheating, 'but shes going to run like a girl/girls can't run', they all pointed and laughed at her legs saying they were too skinny for her to be able to run fast. When practising B grabbed both of dds plaits from behind and pulled her to the ground, he immediately started apologising and saying it was an accident (it clearly wasn't) so he was just told to sit out for the rest of the lesson.

Also since then B has just generally been a lot more bother in class so more stress for the teacher, constantly complain that its not fair he didn't get to do a game, He told dd that his mum was going to come in a complain, I don't know if she has but the teacher told dd today that its up to her what she decides but she wants to her to go home tonight and think about if she thinks it fair Or if she should give the boy a chance! DD doesn't want to let him do it but feels the teacher basically just told her she should (it sounds like that to me too).

Oh wow, so bully boy has already been offered the other activity and turned it down...tough then! Teacher should not be condoning his behaviour, I'd be onto her asap (and possibly the head). Guarantee even if your DD stands up for herself she'll keep pushing until the bully has his way

So your daughter has offered him something that neither of them want to do?

Was that the plan by the teacher?

He can't really refuse can he as a fuss has been made & your daughter has been kind at no cost to herself?

the thing is, it's not even a kindness for your DD to let him

it's giving in to a bully and showing him he can get what he wants by making someone fall over. Why would any teacher want to teach him that?!

The teacher's behavior is unacceptable and actually encourages bullying . Your daughter won her place fair and square. That's it. Nothing to talk about. The teacher should focus on tackling this boy's behavior.
Your DD definitely needs your help at this point. I agree with PPs who said it's time to go to head teacher and complain about bullying.

They need to make them watch this

Your poor daughter, no she shouldn't give in to this vile bully. I would go in a make a formal complaint about how the whole situation was handled. An 11 year old girl was assaulted, this is serious. Just because her assailant was the same age it doesn't make the assault less worrying. She could have been hurt, think what this boy will be like at 18 if he continues to be allowed to get away with this. He needs to have proper consequences for his bad behaviour now. Also, what will your daughter be learning if she gives in to him? She will grow up believing that she deserves less rights than a man which is utterly wrong.

If the boy wasn't doing any event and was really upset about it and had approached her about it in a nice way I'd be tempted to let DD stand aside from him. Now it seems 100% clear that she shouldn't stand aside as he'll learn that this behaviour is effective.

Explain that since democracy is a large part of the fundamental British values school go on about you are ensuring that since your daughter was voted to run this she will do so.

If your DD was to give up one of the races, it should be the other one. NO WAY this one, which (a) she wants to do and (b) she has a proven track record in.

Go OP's DD!

I need to stop watching this thread it’s giving me the hump.

Don’t teach your daughter to stand aside at something she is better at for an insecure male having a tantrum.

I would go in all guns blazing at the message this ‘teacher’ is giving the girls in the class.

Dear Mrs X,

I gather that Bullyboynhas physically assaulted Lucy and encouraged others to verbally assault her using sex based taunts in order to try to encourage her to give up the race she is entered into due to being the fastest and being voted in under the system your school uses.

As I’m sure you intended I have told Lucy that if she gives in to this then I will be very disappointed in her.

With the children about to go up to secondary it is so important that we encourage the girls to stand up for themselves and to not let a boy’s bad behaviour cause the, to give in when something is right.

I commend you for helping teach Lucy this!

Best regards

Upside

Definitely ensure your dd stands her ground, there are already some great responses for her in previousp osts.

On top of that I would go into school and complain that this repeated bullying is a safeguarding issue that has been compounded by the teacher, who instead od dealing with the bully, telling him off and ensuring that he realised what he had done and why it was wrong, told dd that she should roll over and let the bully have what he wants, regardless of the fact that she not only legitimately beat him but was also voted for by the majority of the team.

If you really wanted to throw a spanner in the works I would ask that they ensure your dd is safeguarded during sports day by ensuring the bully is not at the event (a suitable part punisment too!) or at least removed from the team and stopped from participating and made to sit in the middle of the field on his own wearing a placard around his neck saying I must not bully other children. ok so maybe that last option is just to imagine rather than tell the teacher!

I think you need to go in and explain what "fair" actually means to this teacher. She should not get away with this, it's appalling that someone with this mindset can influence children. I'd write to the head too.

What MumOfTwoYoungKids said.

Your poor daughter, no she shouldn't give in to this vile bully. I would go in a make a formal complaint about how the whole situation was handled. An 11 year old girl was assaulted, this is serious. Just because her assailant was the same age it doesn't make the assault less worrying. She could have been hurt, think what this boy will be like at 18 if he continues to be allowed to get away with this. He needs to have proper consequences for his bad behaviour now. Also, what will your daughter be learning if she gives in to him? She will grow up believing that she deserves less rights than a man which is utterly wrong

This.

The teacher is just as despicable as the bully boy by basically telling your DD to roll over and let the bully have his way.

Really good advice on here already.

I agree with many of the others and I would absolutely fight this.

You are giving your daughter the message (and so is that teacher) that girls should “be nice”, and compliant, and not make a fuss.

Also what that boy has done is fairly serious assault. Once kids hit 10 or so that are less supple and get injured more easily - Pulling someone that old to the ground while they were running and from behind could have given her a concussion or worse quite easily.

Basically, this is a hill I’d die on.
I’d take it to both the teacher and the headteacher (to complain about how the teacher handled this, and also their general bullying policy)

I'd be having a chat with the school about bullying and suggest that the teacher may need to develop a backbone so that she can deal with bullies properly.

So the teacher has asked her to

think about if she thinks it fair Or if she should give the boy a chance!

Then send her in with answers,
Is it fair?
'Yes its fair because I was voted for and can run faster than him.'
should she give the boy a chance?
'As the boy is physically assaulting me and getting his friend to join in the bullying, it would be wrong to allow him to get his way, nobody should be pressured in to giving up something that they want to do.'

even get her to write it down so she doesn't have to say it.

Then if the teacher doesn't back her up then either talk to her or the head.

What happened OP??

I think i'd be going to have a chat to the teacher along the lines of 'i'm sure Dd has got the wrong end of the stick as i'm SURE you wouldnt be encouraging her to give in to a boy who is bullying her about a place she won fair and square. I mean, that would be teaching her, and the boys, that girls MUST always give in to boys who bully them and let the boys get priority even when they haven't earned it' (head tilt 🤔)

'i'm sure Dd has got the wrong end of the stick

That does give the teacher the chance to agree and say she's blown things out of proportion or misunderstood. I don't like the idea of going in ready to give the teacher a way out. Her dd is old enough to know what she heard.

What happened OP? Did your DD stand her ground?

Damn, I sure hope a formal complaint was made! To be bullies over a fair but weird process that your daughter won is so wrong. To be physically assaulted over it is anger inducing.

She should absolutely not give up her fair earned position. She is the fastest, runs like a girl, sting and fast, and was rightly voted in! His being an asshole and having his friends join in should not be relevant to this decision except to exclude him and his friends from the event totally.

Strong and fast!!! Not sting and fast. FFS autocorrect

If it's Y6 then there's a good chance the bully is 10 - I would be tempted to tell the school that if they are not going to take this seriously (depending on how they handle it today) or if the bully or his mates ever tries this on your dd again then you will be letting the police deal with it so that it can be dealt with properly and the bully's bullying habit will be nipped in the bud before he can go on in the same vein and get much worse as he gets older, as often happens.