to ask for your best insults/put downs?

[qazxc]

I'm not the best at sticking up for myself. Can never think of what to say when something happens so just freeze.
For example, this saturday:
I was working as box office at a maritime event.
Several of the boat owners were coming back from spending day in pub and were walking past me and colleague in a marquee near the gate. Most of them were fine, a few "come and join us for a party!" but not nasty and moved along when told no thanks.
Then this bloke and his mate came along. They tried to chat us up, we said no, we're married. he didn't want to take the hint, he went on and on about how I was stunning but not looking after myself. That I needed to lose 2 stone and if i went out with him he would "work them off me even though he is 70". He wouldn't move on, he eventually did after i made a point of ignoring him.

But yeah i need to practice some fuck off responses so that i can deliver if or when next twunt comes along.

I just keep it simple with a nicely over enunciated 'Fuck Off.'

Or if they really are relentless a seething 'What?' And a look of obvious contempt after each and every attempt to gain your attention.

No one says stuff like the above in real life, unless they're a bit twatty or 12

Sorry did you say something?

Some of these are really embarrassing, like something from a terrible early 1990s American high school drama.

I find "Fuck off you cunt" is more than adequate in most situations.

Please stop, you're embarrassing yourself

This is my favourite. Straight to the point and it puts you above name calling and you get to retain some decorum. I agree, some of these really are quite cringe worthy.

You sound like someone off Mumsnet

The funniest and harshest insult I’ve ever heard (not said by me but overhead in bars)
My very camp gay friend was being insulted by a woman who had a very severe bob haircut
Her:(sarcastically) Wow I love those shoes
GF: (pulled her fringe) Wow I love your hat

Another one I remember was when 2 girls were arguing in the toilet in a bar and one said to the other
“Well Katie, maybe if your teeth were whiter than your legs you wouldn’t be such a miserable cow”

I was in the cubicle trying not to laugh at the sheer meanness of it. When I left I noticed she was in fact very very pale 😂

"Better to keep your mouth shut and be considered a potential idiot than to open it and remove all doubt"

I find it too cringey to use put-downs but sometimes pretend not to hear them and say “sorry, could you repeat that?” while looking confused

My Dsis was told by an elderly relation (known for her nastiness) that she was looking fat. She replied with “gosh, I didn’t realise you were still alive” which I quietly sniggered at

My Dsis was told by an elderly relation (known for her nastiness) that she was looking fat. She replied with “gosh, I didn’t realise you were still alive” which I quietly sniggered at

Haha

its men full stop me and my G/F have been together decades , it hasn't stopped men hitting on both of us
even men who have never seen us with men, they think we will make an exception
just say no thanks , I don't know where you have been !

Tell him you like your men over 6 foot tall, under 30 and with all their own teeth and hair, bet he didnt qualify for most of those

I used to get this as a barmaid aged 21. No sir, older than my father, I'm not interested.
I developed a look in my eye that could be directed that worked better than any comment, it's a mixture between smug/smarmy/haughty and dangerous. Can't describe it really but they back the buck up.
Otherwise it was usually just a loud laugh, sharp, as though they're hilarious but they can tell you're laughing AT them.

Go home, you're drunk

Better to have a cunt than to be one

This doesn't make sense. She actually made her own vagina comparable to a horrible man.

Will never understand female anamoty being used as an insult.

Positive, do you feel the same about male anatomy?

"...No thanks... (slowly fold arms and look them up and down (and curl your lip a bit if you can manage it) ... I'm not that desperate"

🤣 Now I’m cringing at people who think they are looking at someone with so much venom and sass that the recipient of said look is quaking in their boots. I imagine they really look a bit constipated in real life.

Dangerous 😂😂

pretend not to hear them and say “sorry, could you repeat that?” while looking confused

Yes. And insults are often like jokes in that if they have to be explained, they aren't very good. So making out you don't understand the insult and asking them to explain can also work.

Many years ago a newly qualified teacher started in the same department as me in an all boys school, she was well endowed and attracted a lot of attention from the boys. She reprimanded one about something and he said, to amuse his friends, 'I'll get you done, I'll tell th'Head you locked me in a stockroom and forced me to have sex with you'. She looked at him slowly, up and down, puffed out her assets and said' You should be so bloody lucky!' His friends totally collapsed laughing at him, she never had a problem with his again. Sometimes taking the pc attitude gets you nowhere, intelligence is far better.
When living in Gibraltar and the taxi drivers were venting their spleen in Spanish I used to find that 'Hey, Schleswig Holstein', each word pulled out, worked very well, they got so angry.

Honestly nothing has ever worked better for me than an eye rolly "Shut up!" Lisa Kudrow demonstates the kind I mean in Romy and Michele's High School Reunion.

I always say 'sorry what do you mean? ' They feel embarrassed having to explain and takes them down a peg or two by taking the sting out of their supposedly clever remark.

I usually ask them to explain what they mean.

Works well with sexist jokes/comments.

"Sorry, I don't understand?" Let them try to explain and say it again.
The joke/comment becomes embarrassing/unfunny very quickly when they're asked to explain, usually because it was so awful in the first place.

Once they're done attempting to explain a simple 'oh ok, you can go now..' tends to leave them stumped.

Or just "fuck off" works well.