to ask for your best insults/put downs?

[qazxc]

I'm not the best at sticking up for myself. Can never think of what to say when something happens so just freeze.
For example, this saturday:
I was working as box office at a maritime event.
Several of the boat owners were coming back from spending day in pub and were walking past me and colleague in a marquee near the gate. Most of them were fine, a few "come and join us for a party!" but not nasty and moved along when told no thanks.
Then this bloke and his mate came along. They tried to chat us up, we said no, we're married. he didn't want to take the hint, he went on and on about how I was stunning but not looking after myself. That I needed to lose 2 stone and if i went out with him he would "work them off me even though he is 70". He wouldn't move on, he eventually did after i made a point of ignoring him.

But yeah i need to practice some fuck off responses so that i can deliver if or when next twunt comes along.

Oh the besssst in front of a group of guys is "do you really need to show off in front of your mates?" Makes them feel pathetic.

*^^ This
*
I used this once when I was queuing to get into a night club! Some idiot came up to me (he was stood behind us) and tried to kiss me on the mouth whilst I was talking to my friends, so I pushed him away and he replied "What? Even fat birds need a kiss" apparently I went ice cold and said in a very steel voice the above (usually I would run off crying but I was drinking neat vodka )

His mates started laughing and pointing at him, one of his mates even said "sorry about that darlin, he doesn't get out much" and he went off in a strop

Who exhumed you?

I'd explain my best putdown to you but there aren't enough crayons to hand to draw it out.

You what, Camel ?

I'd very loudly just state 'how interesting, move along please before i have security remove you'.

I love pp's prick/cactus comment.

Sorry wrong thread!! Have asked for removal x

I find a simple ‘cock off’ is very satisfying to say

I don't tend to spend my time thinking up really good put-downs, because I'm not thirteen.

I’m not a fan of putdowns, they more often than not make you look like the twat for thinking you’re so funny. That’s how I felt when I was younger and tried a few anyway.

I personally would look them straight in the eye and say ‘ok, I’ve really had enough. Back off now’ or some variation of a direct instruction. Maybe also including asking the bar staff or security for help.

In the case of any annoying older person, whether lecherous or not,
pitying look and, 'Poor old thing, it's a shame,' - as long as there's someone else to say it to.

'Wow! Who knew you were 15 years old, you look more like 80'

But love the one about showing off in front of your mates! Nothing more down putting than total lack of engagement and plain dismissal

“I beg your pardon?”

If they are silly enough to repeat the offending remark, “Yes, I did hear you the first time but was very surprised to hear you say something so stupid/ nasty/ unprofessional.”

I don't think clever or witty put don't work. It just encourages people and you run the risk of sounding like you are enjoying the banter

I think the best think to do is to say what you want them to do and why you want them to do it.

Ie. 'Stop making those comments, they are offensive'.

Or 'Go away, I don't like what you are saying'.

Oops sorry for double don't typo

With letchy old men be unfailingly polite and act as if they are 105 and have advanced dementia. Voice dripping with concern, speak a little louder than usual and be very very clear
"I'm glad you've had a nice evening Mr Jones, yes lovely, are you heading home now my love, lovely, that's nice." Nod nod.

They HATE it :)

When my mate was called a "fucking stupid woman" by some random in a car park, she smiled sweetly and said "Better to have a cunt than to be one, I always find" and walked away.

I like that.

"Now now, dear, that's not very nice, now is it?" All said with a patronising tone then take him by the hand and say " Come on let's go and find your minder shall we? And on the way we can get you a nice cup of tea, ok, lamb?"

"Does your carer know you are out?"

Sorry, but I’m with the PP who finds most of these really cringey. If I heard someone actually say them, it would sound really fake and weird to my ears.

Surely it’s best to stay aloof and point out their extreme rudeness. There’s no need for a clever comeback because ultimately all the old fool is doing is being extremely rude and offensive. I’d just say something like ‘I beg your pardon? Please don’t comment on my appearance. It’s none of your business’.

Don’t pander to twats like this. Put them back in their childish box.

'You're not nearly as young or handsome enough to be this insistent'

or 'fuck off, fart breath' usually makes the point.

I find giving them a filthy look - looking them up and down with disgust is enough to make most idiots back off. Paired with an exasperated disgusted sigh and your onto a winner. 😋

or 'I'm not a desperate as you sound'

Who left the lid off the idiot box again? is a good one..

I'd probably just have said 'Sorry, are you coming on to me?' in a tone of horrified incredulity.

And waited.

"You pigeon" - credits to a mumsnetter on a recent thread. It's now my favourite insult. Harmless but so so funny