AIBU to struggle with how to approach ‘where do babies come from?’ with my 7 year old?!

[Northernlassie1974]

Argh,
So doing her hair for school she casually asked me ‘how do ladies have babies?’ She’s kind of mentined it before a long time ago, but she was little enough to be satisfied with, ‘ladies have a seed in them that grows to a baby’ she was little enough to accept this and change the subject.

Now she is 7, due to start juniors in September. I truly believe that knowledge is power and that being clued up on it all in this day and age is safest and that not knowing means if anything (can’t think about it!) happened or was said that was inappropriate, they wouldn’t know.

ANyway, she took me by surprise the other morning, I just kind of said ‘oh thats a much longer conversation than we have time for right now as we need to go to school’ she was fine with that and hasn’t mentioned it since, however, I don’t want to shy away from it as I’m uncomfortable or to keep fobbing her off.

What I want to know is, how much detail have other mumsnetters shared with their DC of similar ages? I was thinking ‘daddy has a seed and mummy has a seed and they need to be put together to make a baby’ but I’m not ready to answer ‘how do you put them together?’
Argh, I know I’m being rubbish, would just like to know what the ‘norm’ is. I’m not 100% comfortable the actually talk about ‘sex’ although I know it contradicts what I said at the beginning of this post!!! I don’t want to give too much info but don’t want to sidestep it either.....help!

How is her reading OP? Could you get an age appropriate book for her to look at alone or with you and tell her to ask any questions?

We followed some of the guidance from this link for our 6 year old (we're not affiliated, just thought it was practical!). We said something similar to what you are about the seed / egg and left it to her to keep asking as far as she wanted
www.familyeducation.com/life/talking-about-sex/age-age-guide-teaching-kids-about-birds-bees?slide=2#fen-gallery

My six year old knows there’s sperm from a daddy; egg from a Mummy. They have a special cuddle that only mummies and daddies can do and then a baby grows. She has been happy with that this far.
We haven’t done the details of the ‘special cuddle’ obviously.

The version my four year old has recieved is that daddy put you inside mummy's tummy where you grew bigger and bigger until you were too big and had to come out.

i just said the seed thing and that daddy puts a seed in mummies tummy. they didnt ask anymore.

My 3 year old knows the truth 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always went with answering the question asked in an age appropriate way. So, mummy has an egg in her body and daddy has a seed in his, and daddy's seed goes into mummy's egg and that makes a foetus which becomes a baby.

Then take your cue from her. If she goes down the route of wanting to know about baby development, follow that. If she asks about how the seed gets into the egg, just tell her the truth - that daddy puts his penis into mummy's vagina and the seed travels from there to the egg. It's just a biological function, she doesn't have to know about all of the adult emotions and baggage attached to it - you're telling her how bodies work the same as you would explain how her heart functions. But if she's asking, she needs to know, and you need to tell her.

We did the whole 'Mummy has half a seed and Daddy has half and Daddy puts his half in Mummy's tummy to make the baby grow' thing at 3. By 7 they need facts!

Hasn't she had sex education & relationships education at school yet? We teach it from year 2.

I'm quite frank when my DDs ask (ages 8 and 4) probably because I had "where did I come from" read to me from a young age so it feels like no big deal to do the same with my two. I bought a book from Amazon called "Made with love, how babies are made" by Kate Petty for the girls to flick through (and giggle) or me to read to them. It lays it all out in a quite a straightforward way with lots of diagrams! Good luck!

Its so much easier to just begin telling them from when they were much smaller. My 8 year old ds knows adults have sex, what sex is and how you can get pregnant from it, its not too much for him to handle, its just a normal natural thing, my 3 and 4 years olds have been told and although I dont think they have really listened and kept all the infomation they know more than two seeds put together. It only becomes a big, scary thing to them if you act like it is, just tell her the truth before she hears something from someone else which I wouldnt be suprised if she hadnt already which sparked this conversation.

Other than physical descriptions of foreplay and then insert tab A into slot B type thing which I can understand why might be difficult, but otherwise why would you not simply say exactly how it works? sperms, eggs, pregnancy etc.

many years ago now, my 8 year old ds home from boarding school for the holidays "friend said to make babies, dad puts his willy in a mums bottom. I said he was lying".
My response was, Well he's almost right, but not quite accurate.
ds said "Yuk"
He asked no more for a while!

My 4 year old asked so relentlessly that I just told her the truth! She can read well too so I bought her a book from ELC which she was happy with.

🤷🏻‍♀️ The truth. With words like sperm and egg (not seed, as that gets kids thinking that they can get pregnant with tomato seeds). Like another poster said: you don’t have to go into any more detail than the mechanics.

Thanks everyone, you are all completely right, I need to speak to her about it, I’m not against it, just have never actually planned how I would say it and wasn’t prepared.
My own ‘sex’ talk with my mum was when I was about 10 and she was clearly uncomfortable with it, and it was all very embarrassing. Added to it, I’d already heard snippets from others at school and it was all very cringe.
I don’t want it to be like that! She is a very good reader, I think a book might be a good idea as it follows up on the conversation from the other morning.
I’m not worried about the sperm and egg chat, it’s the actual ‘man puts his penis in a ladies vagina’ that makes me cringe! I think I wanted to know how much detail of ‘the act’ is the norm! Don’t want to scar her for life!!!!!!
Will take a look at the link namechange.
Snapcards, no! I’m actually a teacher too, used to teach year 2 ( I know, I should be a pro as I’ve taught it but was a long time ago and it feels very different and I can’t remember what I actually taught!) I think I was kind of hoping school would have broached it then I could have taken it from there.....the wrong way around I know and am ashamed to admit it.....can’t believe how hard I’m finding this!

There’s a picture book by Babette Cole called ‘Mummy laid an egg’. It’s really good, tells it all in a fun way - the real facts.
My DS, who’s just turned 8, knows a lot now. I’ve even moved on from ‘special cuddle’ - he knows the word ‘sex’ now and knows the man’s penis goes hard and goes up the woman’s vagina. He asked me how the sperm gets up there so I just told him the truth. He didn’t bat an eyelid. He’s a keen naturalist, so knows about animals mating.
I did tell him not to talk about it at school as other parents want to tell their children in their own way.
I want to bring him up with a positive and respectful attitude towards sex, so for me, being as open as possible is part of that.

Just tell her.

I told mine the truth. At that age they see it as something adult like periods (I'm assuming that you've discussed this) or drinking wine.

I told dd facts of life when she was 7, bought a book which was age appropriate and we went through it together. Whenever she has any questions we refer back to it as when they’re younger children accept really simple answers and then move onto something else. As my
Dd has got older she has started asking more involved questions.

What about getting some books that you can look at with her. We had the Robie Harris 'Let's talk about ...' ones and they were great. Start with this one which I think is for 4-7. I think the next one up is Lets Talk About Where Babies Come From but I might have them the wrong way round. They were excellent.

Mine had the Usborne "What's happening to me?" book.

We just told ours the truth. They take on board what's appropriate for them. My friend did the whole Daddy planted a seed and it was just embarrassing in the school playground when kids who actually knew the truth corrected them and frankly a bit weird. There's plenty of books and advice for age appropriate explanation but I can't understand why parents wouldn't tell the truth when they will hear something from other kids and it may not be correct.

Sirfredfredgeorge I know, only reason I froze and postponed it was that I wasn’t ready to answer the next bits. I know she won’t just take, daddy has a sperm and mummy has an egg without asking how it gets there! That’s why I avoided it. And, genuinely, we had 2 minutes to quickly do her hair and then I was taking her to the childminder so I didn’t want to do it in a rushed way!

We just explained what happened, simplifying language where needed. My two were interested long before 7, forgot most of what I told them and then asked again. When they were little they accepted what I told them, at around about 8ish they said yuk and then as they got older again they asked follow up questions. I would have thought at 7 they would have a few 'how' questions, so mummy has an egg and daddy has seed (why not sperm?) is probably not going to be enough.

I think at that age we'd visited the science museum and ds had watched (repeatedly) their video of fertilisation which ds thought was a sperm race

My 3 year old knows the truth. I think it's really important to tell the the truth and not have a sit down chat about it. I would have told her while I was doing her hair and then gone about our day. It's not a big deal, it's just bodies doing there thing. No different to 'Where does pop come from?' or 'Why do we have bogies?'