School parents dilemma

[Youmeandacuppa39]

Discovered during a conversation last week about a local festival that most of the school parents who I talk with have some pretty backwards/ racist views about a certainty ethnic group. I belong to this ethnic group, these parents are unaware.

I didn’t say anything at the time, just walked away and left them chatting.

I’ve been thinking about it all weekend, I feel I should say something to them but I don’t want them to exclude my DD from things as she is friends with their children.
DD is mixed race and is already faced with a mostly white school, I don’t want things to be harder for her.
DH thinks I should say something.

AIBU to keep my mouth shut despite feeling quite angry and upset?

Arguing the rights and wrongs of it won't help you.

You know as well as I do that if you tell them, the chances are both you and your Dd will be ostracised.

Some of the attitudes towards travellers are disgusting! I worked in a school that had a high proportion of travellers as there was a camp round the corner and I loved it! The children were, as a rule, funny, open, lively, bright children. They might not have had much time for education, but they were still, most of the time, respectful to the teachers - even if they thought they were a bit pointless!

Rotherham is an excellent example of why people should be allowed to speak up when and they see appalling behaviour from members of a specific ethnic group. No one for a minute thinks all Asian men were (are) involved but it is far more than anyone, even now is "allowed" to say openly and they were protected by their community, by those who weren't directly involved. There is still a view within sections of that community that the girls got /get what they deserve. No all by any means but a significant minority. If people/the authorities hadn't been so afraid to say that, children would have been protected much earlier

I'm mixed rave and no one ever thinks I am. My SIL in Indian but light and her dc are blonde- people sometimes ask her if she's Spanish. We both have similar colouring to Megan markle - a lot of ethnicity isn't at all obvious

I live in a part of the country which is shat on from a great height by groups of travellers several times a year. I'm talking about flytipping on a massive scale, widespread theft, criminal damage, etc.

I think that a lot of peoples anger and frustration comes from seeing these groups getting away with it year after year. No one is arrested, no one is charged and no one is prosecuted. I know this because of the job that I do. Known offenders simply roll into town to take the piss again and again.

This is many people's lived experience of Irish travellers and there's a lot of anger that they seem to have a set of different laws to everyone else.

So, I do agree with the poster who said, that if you're brave enough (I don't know whether I would be ) it would be great if you did speak up and show that all travellers aren't like the TV show and the groups that many people experience first hand. That instead, like all human beings, there is a spectrum of behaviour and values in the travelling community.

I’f Say something. Racism is racism whether are not they have had ‘bad’ experiences with someone from that ethnicity you don’t then assume that everyone from that background is the same. That’s disgraceful and ‘knowing’ someone from a particularly ethnicity or background often changes people’s perceptions.
I have experienced this personally over many years and have always spoken up - otherwise I think it would have eaten away at me. I have nothing to be ashamed of and therefore won’t let anyone make me ashamed. At the very least people will be more considered around you and the ones who still aren’t really aren’t with being friends with.

@Youmeandacuppa39 sorry that you're going through this

I think the issue is that most people only see travellers in a negative light. For example, we had some break into our local park and they left the place an absolute tip. Some members of the camp were also verbally and physically abusive to dog walkers and other park users.

I haven't ever knowingly spoken to a traveller, but I do try not to judge people by the action of a minority. I would hope that if these parents found out about your background, they would still see you as you and not automatically judge you.

As an aside, there is a book called Mr A.P.E. by Dick King Smith which your DD might enjoy. One of the main characters is a Romany traveller child. I know there are different kinds of traveller, so probably not really the same as your background, but it's a lovely book all the same :)

I’ve seen some comments on my local Facebook group about ‘fucking pi’ (I know I can say it, I refuse to though as it’s disgusting)

Rarely is it challenged but when I or someone else does, we’re accused of being ‘one of them’ or ‘part of the problem’. It smacks of ignorance and makes me wonder if they’re saying it so publicly, what their conversations at home in front of their kids are like. I actually despair

It’s difficult OP
The only Travellers I have encountered have been really awful but I’m sure there must be plenty who aren’t and plenty of people who are Travellers but I have no idea.
I probably have a somewhat skewed opinion of Travellers based on my own personal experiences and if someone I knew and liked turned out to be a member of that group it would go a long way to changing that
I can see why you would keep quiet in that group situation but perhaps you could challenge them on a more individual basis. It’s shocking when it happens I know - I was speaking to a fellow dog walker I speak to most days and she seems lovely. I mentioned that my neighbor was a bit of a dog hater and she replied with “ all p*s are”
I was horrified and just said I had to go. With hindsight I should have said something but I was too gobsmacked

The thinly veiled racism on this thread is appalling.

I have encountered an awful lot of horrible white, settled men, and wouldn't dream of assuming this to be representative of all white people. It just wouldn't enter into conversation, would it?

Nor would people (publically) state that they see a lot of black gangsters on telly so if you're mixed race but can pass, you should.

I can't tell you if you should 'out' yourself OP but I hope you find some allies amongst the school parents.

The thinly veiled racism on this thread is appalling.

I find the candid sharing of opinions and experiences very refreshing and educational, actually.

I normally drop a racists are sooo stupid lol type comment (but not sounding like I just woke up so much more scathing). I don't disclose my ethnicity unless someone is questioning my right to speak about topics that I have direct experience of by virtue of my race or accusing me of benefit from the slave trade (pale skin tone so anyone too lazy to have a good look assumed I am western European) or something else stupid like that. That said I haven't made much of a effort to pass as white white and my race is so obscure that there are few negative connotations connected to it so I suppose I have a certain kind of privellrge arising from that which has left me quite self assured.

pale skin tone so anyone too lazy to have a good look assumed I am western EuropeaN

I always thought it was more rude to have a good look. To simply ‘take as I find’ would be my motto. I wouldn’t ponder anyone’s heritage as I thought it was rude to, unless the information is offered. It’s not laziness.

We live in an area where there is a large traveller community/population. There are many problems mainly with fly tipping and criminal damage to fencing and I understand frustrations but the council got rid of all of the designated traveller spots or allowed them to be bought so that people could settle permanently. They never replaced them.

I know many people who use the P word and I cringe everytime that I hear it
And I often berate because everyone knows someone from the travelling community yet most see no wrong in it.

Many travellers have settled in our area. Our children all go to the same schools. The children mix wonderfully. These parents are fine with that but if there is ever a problem then they will resort to the traveller jibe, it seems to be the easy thing to do.

However OP you will always get people who are just obnoxious racists. You were right to keep quiet. Not because you should be ashamed but because telling these people would not educate them in the slightest.

I can see from the replies to this thread that I should just keep on keeping quiet.

Once again thank you for the responses. I’m going to leave this thread now but Id like people to perhaps think about why there are such problems in the traveller community. We have a long history full of persecution, there have been times when it was legal to murder us, great efforts have been made to stop us living our traditional life right up to present day. It’s also not true that we are immune from police action, we are infact over represented In the justice system and studies show we receive harsher punishments than that of settled people. Our suicide rates are through the roof. We are natives (as much as most Britons are)but yet our history is not taught in schools, it’s almost as if we only exist to be used as daily mail hate fodder.
I’m not making excuses, I would just like people to think a bit about why we tend to keep closed, attack for us has most often been the best form of defence.
The way to tackle this is not to keep making gross and often racist generalisations about us.

If that is your view and you are passionate about it then you really must say something.

In the nicest way, my personal experience of the traveling community is so negative that an anonymous poster on the internet won’t go very far to changing that opinion.

I’ve been involved in debates and discussions about traveller rights, professionally.

I will say this and I say it time and again:

It is so frustrating that when people are defending travellers, there is a refusal to acknowledge the scale of problems that is caused by travellers. Not all travellers, but travellers nonetheless.

And I will never understand why people who claim to want open communication around this discussion use “it’s not all travellers” as a go to.

Of course it’s not all travellers, just like not all groups of teenagers from problematic socio-economic backgrounds are looking for trouble.

Until there is an acknowledgement that some learned behaviours and attitudes are problem-causing, nothing will change.

The way of life that you claim is being eroded is oftentimes not only inconvenient but downright dangerous for other people.

You can deny the fly-tipping, the violence, the intimidation, the damage of property. But it’s there and it’s a problem.

There was a funeral for a traveller in my neck of the woods this weekend and some travellers were in the media bemoaning the fact that shops and pubs wouldn’t open in the town that weekend.

But no acknowledgment of the fact that last year at another funeral, the town was utterly trashed. People’s cars were broken into and destroyed. Graves were destroyed because they were drinking and fighting at the graveyard. Shops were robbed. People were beaten and furniture smashed in the pubs.

Obviously there’s a reason that this behavior is rampant and some of it at least seems to belong firmly to that particular ethnicity.

It’s a shame because I do feel like it’s a viscous circle.

Good post MadMags. It's the cultural tag that does the damage to the reputation of 'travellers'. Criminal and antisocial behaviour from some (not to mention animal cruelty) tars the reputation of gypsies/travellers/showmen. When the bad eggs are not able to hide behind the accusation of racial prejudice, and criminal behaviour is treated as just that, things will improve greatly for the law abiding folk.