About friend's very convenient back injury?

[equiva]

NC for this one. Sorry it's quite long.

Friend and I are both currently taking masters degrees, with exam period around now (first year of two year degree though).

Friend has been on and off complaining about a bad back since starting her degree, she fell down a few stairs at a workplace about 3 years ago - got taken to hospital (I think mainly to cover the company's ass as the fall wasn't that drastic) and apparently her back is still bad from that. She's been to the doctors at her university every now and then since September last year.

Conveniently, her back seems to get a whole lot worse when something is coming up that she doesn't want to do. Lately this has been exams - apparently she was up in agony the night before her first exam, ended up going to A&E and subsequently missed that exam, as well as all the others. Doctors sent her home within a few hours with some painkillers. At the time, she said she couldn't even sit up for longer than 15 minutes without being in incredible pain. She has now applied to sit the exams next year.

Thing is, she was telling me how unprepared she was for the exams and how she'd done no revision whatsoever. I find it quite suspicious that her back suddenly got unbearable the night before an exam which (in her own words) she was "definitely going to fail".

In the few weeks since then, she has completed a 4 hour countryside walk, taken up a temporary office job, and driven herself 180 miles across the country. Regularly goes drinking on nights out in killer heels.

With regards to doctors and treatment etc, as far as I know every time she's been to see a doctor, they send her home with some painkillers, gradually increasing in strength each time she goes. She had an MRI scan a few weeks ago but she didn't mention the results to me - she's quite dramatic so I assume she would have told me if something serious was wrong with her.

I'm no doctor and know absolutely nothing about back injuries but common sense is telling me that if something was actually wrong, they'd have kept her in, done a load of tests, and not just continued to give her painkillers - which to me, sounds like a way of getting her to shut up and leave.

AIBU to be seriously doubting her injury? It seems to crop up at the most convenient times for her. I think it bothers me more than it should because I've had my fair share of shit this year but always handed my work in on time, completed my exams etc. I've tried to fade her out of my life, but bumped into a mutual friend today who was horrified when I laughed upon being asked about this friend's 'terrible injury'.

I'll feel a bit shit if it turns out there is something wrong with her, but it really doesn't seem like they're going to find anything.

You're right you know nothing about bad backs.

What do you even mean by seriously wrong? MRI doesn't show pain you know?

I would never wish back pain on anyone but you kind of deserve some.

You obviously don't believe her or trust her to be honest.
Chronic pain is incredibly complex and triggered and aggravated by so many things, none of which you seem to have any idea of.

Honestly you don't really sound like a friend to her.

When my back was bad, I couldn't get off the floor. No way could I have got to A&E.

I'm adding to the comments here.

I injured my back about 4/5 years ago. I don't even know what I did. I was fine, went upstairs, picked up something, came down and I wasn't. I hadn't even bent to pick the thing up, nor was it heavy.

Since then I've had back problems on and off. Not as acute as the original (or one subsequent) but there.
I've just been to the doctor; first time since the original issue.

Thing is, most of the time no one would know I'm in pain. I carry things, I walk around. I even play tennis competitively.

But at times I am in real pain. I was talking at tennis about how strange it is. I can play a tennis match, several sets in an evening. I feel occasional twinges at a low shot, and I can't bend my back to do a full powered serve. But other than that I don't notice.
But then getting into the car afterwards has on several occasions been agony. I've wondered sometimes once I'm in whether I'll ever get out again.
And I've had a few times where a short 10 minute walk round town has put me in complete agony. And there are some chairs I have about 5 minutes sit in before I start aching-and it continues for hours afterwards.
But then yesterday I was dashing round after 10 children over uneven ground all day and only felt a twinge at one point when I'd been sitting on the floor and got up quickly.

I've been living on ibroprofin for some time now.

I get results this week from the x-ray and bloods and start physio (depending on results) next week, and am hoping it will be sorted.

YABU. As you said you're not a doctor. A chronic back problem could lead to a pain condition which are often worse at times of stress. It's not her fault she's been let down ny the dr's she's seen so far. Treat your friend with empathy instead of suspicion.

Sorry for all the back problem sufferers. I tripped on the stairs a year ago and thought I would never walk again. But as someone else said it was tensing the muscles that prevented my recovery. The spasms were just unreal.

Obv went to A+E had to go by ambulance as I could not move.

All is well now, lots of walking and stretching.

I still cannot understand why OP is so invested in friend's back/pain problems. Anyone else?

Whispers a reverse. Sorry I am probably totally wrong. Whispering....

I'm just curious. Why do you care? It's not as if her delaying her exams affects your grades, does it? Nor does her having a 'convenient' bad back affect your life, unless she's constantly backing out of plans at the last minute or leaving you in the lurch in other ways.

If you don't believe her, then why would you want to continue to be friends with her?

What's it got to do with you anyway?

Just let her crack on with her life, you crack on with yours.

I have chronic pain. It started with my back and spread top to toe. In my 30’s I had some treatment and it largely settled, not great but then it has never has been fine since I broke my jaw and injured my lower back as a young child.

The pain came back tenfold when I was pregnant. I was on constant pain killers, barely able to use crutches and struggling not to be in a wheelchair. Then I fell down stairs and injured it some more 6 months post partum. I had an mri on my back and I was told I have a bit of arthritis. I have two body work treatments a week and if I didn’t have this I would be in a wheelchair for sure because I am chronically ill as well and walking simply aids aren’t an option.

I now know part of my problem is my uterus, which is being removed on Thursday and is cramping and causing me terrible pain. I didn’t realise until fairly recently how bad it was but it’s reached a tipping point. I have always been disbelieved for the problems that I go through from family. I do hope this will be better post operatively. I’m now on morphine btw having exhausted all other painkillers over the years.

This woman may be making it up. I surely am not. I’m feisty. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t endure the 1.5 hour weekly massages, which can be incredibly painful.

You will never know. Put it out of your mind and concentrate on your own studies. Distance yourself from her if you need to.

She could be hypermobile and maybe doesn't know it yet. Some people can end up in wheelchairs with it. I would focus on getting your masters and being ahead in the job hunt.

YABU, I don’t really understand how it has anything to do with you or how it’s effecting you?

I have a bad back and hip, yesterday I was in agony and couldn’t sleep, today I walked ten miles (though I am in pain again now), some days it’s painful and other days not so bad. If I sat on my ass every time it hurt I would gain weight and my back would get even worse, so when I am able too I exercise.

It’s pretty impossible to prove if someone has a bad back or not, a MRI doesn’t always show anything, mine just showed some thinking to the base of my spine but nothing to prove the amount of pain I suffer.

Like other PPs I have back issues that can leave me feeling awful one day and totally fine the next. Just be glad that you don't have back issues!

It might seem like she is getting away with something and unfair right now, but if she is really just doing this to get out of exams when she hasn't prepared, she will eventually get her comeuppance in the working world if/when she tries to pull stunts like that. Remind yourself that you have discipline and can commit to the grind, you'll be better off in the end than someone who tries to cheat their way through life.

It does sound dodgy but the brain can play some really good tricks when you're anxious or stressed. I've had a bad back, shoulder & neck pain, foot pain, double vision, on & off facial droop (like Bell's Palsy only came, went, came back, went away), and allergy-like symptoms - all caused by anxiety! As soon as I've sussed that's it's not real & is just my brain playing tricks the symptoms disappear again. Very clever brain. So it might be genuine for your friend, or it might be made up. Just focus on your own studies, it's easier.

YABU

it must be pretty bad if she got an MRI scan on the nhs. Even if there’s nothing “seriously wrong” bad backs can hurt like a bitch. I get flare ups with my back now and again.

It's annoying because it could be valid, but it also could be someone using it as convenient excuse.
And there is no way of telling so you can't do anything.

So forget it ,and deal with your own life. At least you don't have a bad back/or a flakey attitude attitude , whichever it is she has.

You're going to have to give her the benefit of the doubt OP (although it is a little suspect that her flare ups coincide with exams she's not prepared for) otherwise you're going to look like an arsehole.

Is it possible she's become dependent on the strong painkillers they're giving her each time it's bad? The opiate based narcotics like codeine are highly addictive. It's really easy to become reliant on those.

What does it have to do with you? I have fibromyalgia and constantly have to deal with arseholes who think that because they have no experience of chronic pain that it mustn't really exist

Wow how bitter do you sound? It is none of your concern, back injurys do flare up, concentrate on your work not pulling your friend to bits on here!

Poor 'friend', she might be faking it, she might be lazy, she might not have anything seriously wrong with her and now she might be addicted to codeine

Years ago when I was at college one of my course mates had had surgery a year before for a collapsed lung and she used it as an excuse for not doing parts of the course that she didn't want to do. She didn't like the uniform we had to wear for the practical part of the course so she told our tutor that it 'rubbed on her scars' to avoid wearing it. The court shoes we had to wear with the uniform 'hurt her chest to walk in' so she wore a massive high pair of wedges instead. If she didn't want to sit an exam or do a practical test she would invent a hospital appointment.

Well assuming that she is being treated by the NHS. No, she wouldn't actually receive the treatment she needs unless she is practically dead already.

Hmmm .you sound like my DH. There are a couple of people on his course with chronic conditions that always seem to flare up at exam time.

The trouble is, he gives it loads of headspace, moaning that Janice is off with her bad back, how convenient etc etc.

All that thinking, feeling bitter , stressing over whether Janice is for real. He gets fixated. I keep saying bollox to Janice, she might be in agony, she might just be disorganised and pulling a fast one. Either way, you finished a year earlier than her. So you had a year less stress. And you aren’t in pain

And in my experience, if you fail to revise due to procrastination the first time round, it’s massively unlikely you’ll do better next time round.