Are there a lot of perfect people on MN?

[Pepperypig]

Or AIBU? I feel I don't really measure up to the perfect individuals on here with their perfect OHs and DC. The ones who are perfect friends and never criticise anyone or gossip. The ones who work full time, run the PTA, volunteer at weekends and run up a dress for work the next day. I can only aspire to be like them.

Never compare the whole of your life to a snapshot of someone else's life. Lovely! I've learnt over the years that jealousy can be alleviated by saying "you've got to take the whole package - you can cover her lovely house, but you've got to take her slob of a husband with it" but you've phrased that sentiment beautifully!

I think it’s just like any social media. You put out what you want people to see.

When I joined mn everyone was a thin size 12 with a high earning husband, house in London commuterville, 2 dc and an oxbridge degree.

These days everyone appears to have at least 3dc, a designer dog, a clinically clean home, be size 10 (but not vanity sizing), and a huge commute and workload for a non essential, professional job.

No doubt in five years everyone will be an online or reality tv sensation, with at least 5dc, 3 pet alpacas,a Kim Kardashian figure and a famous husband.

Or children men posing as women to keep up rigidily entertained

Oh please! I take everything I read on here with a large barrel pinch of salt, both the perfect lives and the absolute car crashes. People present themselves or their situation as they want it to be perceived.

For some people that means claiming they cook from scratch every morsel that passes their child's lips when what they mean is yeah they made the meatballs themselves but used a jar of dolmio . Some present their partner/friend/MIL/colleague in a certain light to ensure posters responses support the Ops view of themselves, that the Ops side of the argument was the right side or that they are being hard done by.

MN can be great for support or advice if you need it but the majority of threads in AIBU or chat are just people giving opinions about situations they're not in, posting "snapshots" of their lives that are the highlights rather than the everyday reality and generally just entertaining themselves and others. I'd sincerely hope people don't take any of it so seriously that they feel bad about themselves in RL.

And I thought everyone one on here was just rough as fuck, golden wonder wall

There are perfect people all over the internet. See Facebook and Instagram.

I did know a perfect person once - lovely person but a bit bland if I’m honest. She’s the only one - most people are not at all in real life.
However- on here- anyone can post anything and you wouldn’t know if it’s true or if they just pretending as they want to be perfect and saying what they think we want to read. I think that some posters are honest - it depends on the thread as well.

Me !!😇😇😇

I'm not perfect.

I drink too much, I lose my temper too often, and my house is nowhere near as clean or tidy as it should be.

On the flip of that, my husband and children seem to think I'm perfect, so maybe it's a matter of opinion

I think lot of what's on here is fiction or at least only a version of the truth.

Plus even those who have got all the answers on one post (maybe a domestic goddess or put together fashionista) will be struggling in another aspect of their life

people in real life sometimes try to pretend all is well sometimes just to make everyone else feel bad i think!

I feel I don't really measure up to the perfect individuals on here with their perfect OHs and DC.

I see threads all the time complaining about lazy partners and asking advice on issues with kids. So this isn't familiar to me at all.

As for the rest of it, I do work 40-50 hours a week and volunteer regularly at school and outside school, but I am by no means perfect. My house was a pit before I hired a cleaner. I try not gossip or be too critical, but with carrying degrees of success.

I don't think I see anyone in here whose life I'd consider perfect.

Varying, not carrying. 🙄

Oh is this about the nasty gossipy picking on Meghan's dresses threads?

Not appreciating, agreeing with or condoning spiteful comments about what other women wear isn't being 'perfect', and to be honest, I would have thought the bar would be set a bit higher than that.

I don't know how you're determining that other posters are 'more perfect than you' but I'm the least perfect person there ever was. Just because people don't agree with your posts doesn't mean that they think they're perfect either. They just don't agree with you. On that thread.

One of the problems is if you are posting about something specific they'll be people that are very fierce about that one thing. For example there might be someone who thinks not washing your towels every time you use them is properly slovenly and gross but those same people might buy their kids shoes that "aren't properly fitted" - they have a conversation with someone who has a real issue with their children wearing only well fitted shoes and but are happy to just wash towels once a week or so and both parties can seem like they're judging the other. No one is perfect at everything - most people have stuff they feel is super important and if you're talking about that thing you're going to get responses from lots of people that think what you're posting about is a red line.....

Go and look at:
Weight loss threads
Decluttering threads
Teenagers threads

You'll find lots of lovely imperfect people on there, including me if I may say so myself

That is a great explanation, FittonTower, exactly how I feel about it.

Thing is, I see a lot of threads go like this:

OP: my DH is lazy, never plays with the kids, leaves shit stains every where, controls who I see and what I buy, and yesterday he called me a fat bitch. AIBU to be annoyed?

MN: God that's awful, no one deserves to be treated like that, you should LTB.

OP: oh so I suppose you're all perfect with the perfect marriage are you? You never made a mistake?

I get what you're saying, especially in the holier than thou "I would never judge anyone ever" threads, but a lot of people seem to think that the choice is between total perfection and utter shit. There is a world of difference between "nobodies perfect" and "my partner is abusive" that a lot if people struggle to see.

Left his cup by the sink once or twice = nobodies perfect
Called you a fat bitch = abusive shit

And you don't need to be in the perfect relationship to point that out!

There was a good thread recently called ‘only on Mumsnet’ or something, where all the perceived constructs if Mumsnetters were laid bare and quite frankly had the pissed ripped out of them. It taught me never to take too much too seriously on here again! Examples included:

Everyone has pension pots worth over a million.
Everyone lives in households of over 100k annual income
No one has ever ever judged or made a bitchy comment ever.
Everyone has amazing dhs who are 100% supportive
Everyone has a cleaner
You can say whatever you want and do whatever you want even if it upsets others cos you know human rights innit
If you have an affair you are the spawn of the devil
Ditto if you ever swear or lose it in front of your kids
You can spend £5 per week on food for a family of six
And the old chestnut... that you can feed a family from a while chicken for a week

Oh yes Nordic... there are no shades of grey on here. All black and white. Like the characters from a poorly written novel.

However, I have also read some quite amazingly supportive threads on here and it is a great place for those in need just don’t ever post in AIBU

It might make you feel a bit better if you stop gossiping and bitching. It's a start and costs nothing.

Personally, I think the 'oh, and you're perfect?' response is lazy, defensive and unimaginative.

Lazy because it's copied from other people.

Defensive because it attacks the other person rather than what they said.

Unimaginative because if someone is asked their opinion on AIBU, they're not required to give a digest of their whole bloody life (which may have varying degrees of perfection) - they're just answering the question. Sneering at them because they give a 'perfect' answer is unimaginative because the complainant clearly can't envisage someone actually living to a higher standard than them, whilst maybe also having different standards in other areas of life.

What does 'judge' actually mean though? Leave aside the legal bod with a mandate and pay packet to do this, what is it and what's the point of it?

When posters say 'I judge', what do they mean by it? Is it:

a) I inwardly roll my eyes, think "what a prat, I'd never do that and they shouldn't either",
OR
b) I make sure they catch my eye when I glare at them, letting them know - as passively aggressively as possible - that they are doing-it-wrong,
OR
c) I actively say something to put them straight because I disagree with what they're doing to such an extent that I feel entitled to do that and I don't care what anybody thinks about it either as I'm so certain that I'm correct.

.
I do a) quite a bit in RL and here, it means nothing, I say nothing.

I would do b) if provoked. If somebody's actions were actually impacting on me.

I would do c) if there was a dog in a hot car/child in danger kind of thing - and I'd follow it up with the police.

I very much dislike the criticisms of women's appearance. It's never restricted to just the clothes, it always involves the person wearing them. Perhaps there's a d) then, which would be 'I just say my piece in response to somebody else doing the same'?

Bit like Facebook. People put their best face on
Or someone asks a question and it's about something they have sussed. But everything else has gone to shit.