to feel a bit miffed on Father's Day?

[MontyBeaujangles]

20 weeks pregnant and feeling awful. My expanding uterus is causing me severe pain, I can't catch my breath regardless of being fit and healthy, I'm knackered, my gallbladder is playing up (though nothing new there), I've got headaches and am extremely sleep deprived. I don't moan about this as I already know my DP would just say 'you'll be fine' or 'oh dead' (sympathy definitely isn't a thing for him!).

His DD is here, we made him a fry up together, bought him a beautiful personalised frame with a photo of them both in it, and wrote a card with a poem in. We were all meant to be going for a long walk but I'm just not feeling up to it.

He's playing the guilt card saying it's Father's Day and I should come out as it'll make me feel better (it won't, and I don't want to risk being stuck in the middle of nowhere in pain and wanting to sit down). After an hour of telling me I should come out, I lost my rag and said 'is me carrying your child, sorting everything out for your daughter and being a good step mother to her not enough for you?' - now I know this was probably a stupid thing to say but I'm fed up. Me being comfortable and not in pain is much higher in my priorities than going for a walk when he could go without me and enjoy the time with his daughter.

WIBU to snap at him like that? It's out of character for me but I'm in pain and want to relax. Father's Day is a lovely day but breakfast and a gift was always as far as I was going to go...

Having a rubbish day. Hmmph

Oh dear not oh dead!

Yanbu, yes it’s Father’s Day but it doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in pain or feel uncomfortable. How the hell does he know going for a walk will make you feel better

Put your feet up and tell him to walk with his daughter while the ‘baby’ has a nap .

Try not to get upset- it won’t achieve anything, just be a broken record about not feeling up to it, but you hope they enjoy it. Tell him the kettle will be on, on his return.

Then snooze.

YANBU. I am pregnant and suffering with morning sickness so DH is out with our 4 and 2 year old DC’s... they’ve gone to the park and out for lunch while I rest. It being Father’s Day doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to do something that will make you feel ill or uncomfortable.

The whole thing is so frustrating. I feel like Father's Day has turned in to 'dads sitting around doing sod all whilst everyone else treats them like a king' Day in our house. I thought it was about spending time with your kids. I wish he'd be a little more concerned/sympathetic but his needs clearly come first.

Soy congratulations and feel better soon

Not unreasonable to point that out to him at all. It should be a day for him and his DD to do something together whether or not you feel up to it. You’ve done more than enough already. My ex will have got a cup of tea in bed if he’s lucky, a small gift and card and that’s it, business as usual the rest of the day!

Put your feet up and rest x

YANBU, there's nothing more annoying than someone who can't take no for an answer. You wouldn't have snapped if he wasn't going on & on at you.

Of course YANBU, it's Fathers Day, not husband day (as I saw earlier on another thread, but it's so very true).

It's nice of you to do something,, but you don't have to be a martyr, your DH is being ridiculous.

I really think some men just have it built in to them to not have any sort of sympathy at all. He's not once asked me how I am feeling throughout my whole bloody pregnancy and today was the nail in the coffin!

Thanks everyone.

Well,Yanbu for wanting to stay in and relax and rest.
But,the "your" daughter remark was quite hurtful and I hope the dc didn't hear you say that.it sounds as if she is a chore.

I hope he makes a fuss of you on Mothers Day op?
Yanbu

karma but I do sort everything out for his daughter? I pick her up from school, do homework with her, provide financially when I need to, do every fun activity under the sun? I was just making a factual comment. Nothing hurtful in that. I enjoy doing it and he knows that.

She was out in the garden, not within earshot! I wouldn't have said anything like that in front of her.

Also I can't see the part of my post that makes her sound like a chore? I think that's a bit of an unfair comment to make. If a biological mother was left to do everything for her children whilst DP didn't help and she said 'I sort everything out for our kids' I doubt she'd be described in the same way you described me (Sorry this kind of comment just winds me up a little)

YANBU, is he always this selfish?

what he's just extremely laid back, when I've been in hospital with something serious he's been extremely attentive. I think if I complained more he might be better about it but I don't, thus essentially playing down my pain.

He's being a prat! You've done more than enough for FD. Is he always so self centered?

I don't think you sounded bad at all OP.

I also don't see why he thinks you're required on the walk with his daughter to enjoy fathers day?! Surly the point is that he and she spend time together!

Sounds like you did a wonderful job making sure everyone felt included and important today and that they are having a nice day. Be nice if someone did that for you!

Be clearer with him that to be the best father in the universe, coz thats what all the cards say, he needs to understand you are in pain carrying his baby. First pregnancy together? Maybe DSD mum had an easy pregnancy and he is basing things on that.

Oh, and stop spoiling him by doing everything for dsd, he is going to need to step up, tell him.

He is a father to the baby you are currently busy making so he should consider what that baby of his wants too. That baby at the moment needs a mummy who is taken care of, as comfortable and relaxed as possible. What a knob.

YANBU.

Point to your belly and tell him, "see this, this that you are 50 percent responsible for, this fucking hurts right now".

Maybe follow it up with, " how about I give you a little kick in the balls to even things out and see if you still feel like going for a jolly walk afterwards".

Sorry but he is being an insensitive dick over this.

GreatDuck he just has zero sympathy whatsoever! I am dreading the birth I really am.

@KarmaStar Sun 17-Jun-18 12:17:34

But,the "your" daughter remark was quite hurtful and I hope the dc didn't hear you say that.it sounds as if she is a chore.

Pfft! On occasions, if I'm having to pull DH up on something to do with the kids, I use 'your' as well, even though in our case the kids are actually ours. It's more a way of reinforcing that he has shared responsibility and sometimes needs to pull his weight with them more. Don't really see that what the OP did was so different, other than perhaps being a sensitive subject, but it was still factual. Chances are that in the future there will be times she says that with reference to their shared child too.

Honestly, she really isn't a chore. She's just a kid. I wouldn't have got in to a relationship with a man with children if I wasn't up for it! His daughter is actually wonderful. She's made my pregnancy so much easier. She rubs my belly, talks to her brother or sister, tells me she loves the baby in my tummy, cried when we told her she'd be a sister. She won't even sit on my lap because she thinks she's going to hurt the baby! I completely adore her and she absolutely makes up for DP being a bit of a prat at times.

You have described my situation today op!

I'm 17 weeks pregnant, have had Hyperemesis, am MUCH better now but still very nauseous, completely exhausted, pains from expanding uterus and just need to be in bed.

I, like you got up, got the children's presents together etc. and made things nice for DH, but now he is quietly sulking because he had to go for a walk with DC's without me and I know is annoyed because I'm still in bed.

We're meant to be going out to eat at 14.30 and I'm dreading it.

He couldn't care less about how I feel. It's like Father's Day is an excuse not to give a shit about anyone else