Dp comments during argument

[purywl]

Me and dp had an argument yesterday which resulted in him it not going out for an arranged dinner with a group of friends so I had to take dc aged 4 alone.

When I came back the argument started again and he called me a 'a fat c**t and that he was only with me for the child and didn't like me anymore'

I was truly shocked and he's definitely made these comments to get a reaction but I was livid and I replied that 'we are over' to which replied I already made that clear. We haven't spoken since.

I'm so angry and I feel he meant what he said, where do I go from here

that is horrible and good riddance to a bad relationship. There is no return from this.

practicalities. Cancel the holiday. Give notice to your landlord, if you are joint tenants it ends it for both of you. Start hunting for somewhere you can afford on your own.

he won't be civil so take the advice on here and go to the experts.

You are being very short sighted over all this. The child is YOUR child. You need to go to your GP and start a paper trail. Tell them your other half is abusive. Call Womens Aid and tell them. Have it logged somewhere. Would you really want your child to go to live a majority of the time with a dad that calls their mother a fat cunt? Do you think its ok for your kid to hear that? To think it is a normal way to talk to people?

Go to your parents, you and your child will be fine there and NOTHING he says can make it other wise. He works full time, do you? You say he is a nasty vindictive person but why on EARTH would you want your kid to be around that????? even for contact, I would be requesting supervised.

Please contact Women's Aid to get proper advice and support

He doesn't sound like an asset to the teaching profession...or that he works very hard if he has so much free time.

Your parents wouldn't want you in this situation,OP, without trying to help you, surely ? I think you need some support and hope you get it.

Get you parents to pick you up. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to tell your partner you’re staying the night with your dd after what he said. He’s being abusive. Text him and tell him your dd is safe and with you today.

He sounds awful and your relationship is over but I think you're right to try to 'play' him for the moment. You need to plan carefully how you will leave or get him to leave. Get some solid advice from sources mentioned by other posters.

He might seem to be a loving father now but someone who can speak to their partner in that way will reveal their true nature eventually and it won't be healthy for your dc to be around him all the time.

Happy Fathers Day tbh

You don't need his agreement to take your child.

He doesn’t need the OP’s agreement to take their child to stay with a relative either.

OP it sounds like the best thing to do right now is to speak to him, try and agree that your child goes and stays with your parents for a few hours or a day so you can both talk about the next steps. It might well be that neither of you move out right now, if he has nowhere to go and you don’t want to go to your parents without your child (wouldn’t it be best for the child to remain in their home for now? Less upheaval?).

Explain you know it’s over and think it’s for the best and need to decide which of you is going to remain in the property and who will move out, How you’ll split custody etc. Potentially agree that while it’s all still fresh one of you will sleep in another room to the couple bedroom for a few nights or so so you can both cool down and start thinking practicalities.

You say you don’t want to go because that gives him power then to be the one to remain in the property, I don’t understand that? You said it’s rented, aren’t you both on the tenancy? If so then it doesn’t matter if you stay elsewhere for a while, you’re still legally as entitled to live there as he is. If it’s in one person’s name then that person is the one to remain and you should be aware that they can kick the other out at any time.

You said you can’t afford to live there anywhere so surely if he wants to stay there it’s better for both of you, he has a place to stay, and you can find somewhere you can afford or move in with parents for a bit.

Whatever you decide, in this case it is probably best for your child to remain in the family home with whichever parent is there as it’ll be less stressful and upsetting than having to move out to your parents out of the blue.

I understand neither of you want to be apart from the child hence my advice that you try and stay in the same house for a bit in separate rooms to cool down and start figuring out how to split.

My parents only have a spare single bed in a small house which is why he won't let me take her to stay there

It doesn’t sound like your parents house is gonna be much of a suitable place for you and your child for anything longer than a couple of nights.

Where is he, where are you and dc atm? What was the last thing you said to each other?

If you don’t want to go stay at your parents without dc and he’d prefer her to stay in the home with him you’re gonna have to stay at home for a bit. Yes, you could just take her (as he could take her too) but I’d try not to get into antagonising right now, don’t set the stage for the coming weeks and months by taking your joint child to stay somewhere else without both of your agreements. He would then be within his rights to do the same with her and you couldn’t do a thing about it as he’ll just point out it’s what you did. Don’t let her become a pawn. Her default home is the one she’s already in at the moment so as difficult as it is, I think you both ought to agree at the start that neither of you will make any big decisions about her and where she stays without discussing and agreeing with one another.

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to be civil but he can't help but be annoyed.

I roughly dc back from the park and he took dc immediately out for lunch (even though I just bought fresh stuff for a sandwich for her), I'm assuming he is taking her to mcdonalds as she had no shoes on. I'm more than capable of being civil but he can't help but be bitter about it

How do you feel now OP
Sorry if I've missed it but do you work?
If you stay in the house you are currently renting will HB cover it? You will get other help as a single parent. Maybe have a look at your options financially.
Think positive

I'm a student and I don't work. His finance car is in my name so I'm going to be left with a car I can't afford or default and still have to pay it back in the one left in the worst position because I don't have any money

Get to your local CAB, they will advise you of any benefits you can claim as a single parent. Speak to someone at college as they will be able to point you to any help for grants to support you. Book a free half hour with a solicitor & get some advice on your child residency rights, tell them your partner has become abusive, if your partner carries on being abusive, ring the police, they can get him removed from home & stop him coming back, keep incident numbers & ask for copies of any reports, you need these in case you need legal aid to go to court for child custody etc. If you can when he's not there sort birth certificates, bank cards, money & anything like medication, give them your parents to look after so if at any time you have to leave in a hurry you already have them safe.

When does your tenancy end?

Do you work?

I second going to your parents with your dd.
You don't need permission.

Are you off over summer too?

He was very unpleasant to you. Does he treat your daughter well?

Start keeping a diary. So today would include taking her out without her shoes. Keep a record of comments etc.
But shared custody with her staying in both places should be the aim. So perhaps go and pack an emergency bag for you and DC to keep at parents. Talk to your student advisors and start looking at what you're entitled to. If she has a passport, take a photo so you have her passport number at hand in case he takes her on holiday.

I'm finished for uni for the summer. He's moved into the spare room and asked me to pay back money I owed which was about £30 so I transferred it.

He said he's still going on the holiday. Which my parents actually contributed to. Dc passport is being posted to me at the minute so will be here in a few days and he will be in work.

He is trying to back Track now saying he didn't called me 'fat' he said 'fucking' but I heard him clear as day. I don't want to go to my parents house.

I really can't afford to live In this house without a job. I'm so annoyed.

He's brilliant with my daughter so no worrys in that regard.

With respect if you want to leave him you don't have much choice but to go to your parents if you can't afford the place on your own. The atmosphere is not fair on your daughter.

Cant you move out after the summer? Make an agreement to have your DC 50:50 and then neither of you is 'taking' them.

What are your finances like? Don't give him money?

Are you getting child benefit?

Is he trying to go on the holiday without you? By making sure you won't be able to afford it? That's not how good dad's behave...

Will you be working in September?

Here’s a crazy thought; if he has enough good qualities and you still love him, how about working towards resolving your differences and not spitting up.

Some people say some awful untrue things when they are angry or cornered and you have to let him know you want a relationship that is respectful and won’t stay in one that is not. Maybe counseling is needed. Only you know what he’s really like.