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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp comments during argument

72 replies

purywl · 17/06/2018 08:42

Me and dp had an argument yesterday which resulted in him it not going out for an arranged dinner with a group of friends so I had to take dc aged 4 alone.

When I came back the argument started again and he called me a 'a fat c**t and that he was only with me for the child and didn't like me anymore'

I was truly shocked and he's definitely made these comments to get a reaction but I was livid and I replied that 'we are over' to which replied I already made that clear. We haven't spoken since.

I'm so angry and I feel he meant what he said, where do I go from here

OP posts:

Original poster

purywl · 17/06/2018 11:40

@Makemineboozefree only when it comes to my dc. No I'm dc mum

OP posts:

Mamabear14 · 17/06/2018 11:40

Obviously it's not you that should have to leave etc but just in the meantime? Surely it's better than going home to someone who thinks so little of you.

Makemineboozefree · 17/06/2018 11:41

You said you can't afford it on your own though, so why do you want to stay there? Seriously, go to your parents and get your head sorted.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/06/2018 11:41

Sorry if that sounded snippy op. I just thought you were saying that to show the child wasn’t yours.

I would not stay with anyone who spoke to me like that

Original poster

purywl · 17/06/2018 11:41

I can afford it from September onwards but not over the summer alone as it's so last minute. Although my parents could maybe help in that aspects

OP posts:

Shumpalumpa · 17/06/2018 11:43

You don't need his agreement to take your child.

Call Women's Aid and make plans to leave with your child.

He can sort access through a court.

Makemineboozefree · 17/06/2018 11:43

You need to confide in your parents asap. If you go home now, what's to stop him taking your DC off out and not coming back either?

Original poster

purywl · 17/06/2018 11:45

He's nowhere to go at all so there's he can't take the child which is why he wants to stay there.

If I go down the contact route he will literally fight me all the way and worse. He will be very vindictive and do what he can to hurt me. So I need to play him and try Keep it civil or my dc and me will suffer.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/06/2018 11:45

If he’s an involved dad you need to expect him to spend significant amounts of time with your child. How can that fit in with school and his commitments?

Original poster

purywl · 17/06/2018 11:46

He's a teacher so he has the upper hand and has ample time to take care of dc.

It's made me realise how vulnerable I actually am and I thought I was so independent. We have our own money but he has more than me.

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 17/06/2018 11:50

So stay and let it get worse

Flisspaps · 17/06/2018 11:51

He can't stop you taking your child, even if it means you both sleeping in a single bed at your parents. That is less damaging than your child being subjected to living in a house with someone who thinks it's acceptable to call you a fat cunt.

Bring a teacher doesn't give him the upper hand - why would it?

troodiedoo · 17/06/2018 11:51

Another one saying please go to your parents house.

One thing at a time. Don't worry about long term yet.

Original poster

purywl · 17/06/2018 11:51

Because he finishes work early and is off at the weekends etc that's why i thought he's in the perfect position.

OP posts:

Original poster

purywl · 17/06/2018 11:52

Sorry for my spelling I'm just upset. I honestly don't even care about me I just want what's best for dc and I don't want to be apart from dc.

OP posts:

CoughLaughFart · 17/06/2018 11:54

Based purely on the practicalities, you have to work out whether you can put up with him until September when you can afford to pay the rent alone, or if it’s too bad a situation to handle. Also, based on what you’ve said, you’ll have to fight to get him out - which could take months.

You might be best leaving now and dealing with the short-term pain of being crammed in at your parents’ place in return for the long-term gain of having somewhere to live that he has no claim on.

sparklepops123 · 17/06/2018 11:55

You can't stay in that environment until September he'll drive you mad. Go to your parents temporarily and get your name off any bills for where he is

Mamabear14 · 17/06/2018 11:56

Let me tell you what is best for DC. Their mum, being healthy and happy and loved and safe.
My mum walked out on me leaving me with my step dad when I was 5. My real dad was long off the scene. She had met someone else and so left me thinking it would be better for me. It wasn't, I missed my mum and I have NEVER forgiven her almost 30 years later. Go to your parents with your DC.

NewYearNewMe18 · 17/06/2018 11:56

He can't stop you taking your child, even if it means you both sleeping in a single bed at your parents.

He has PR and has equal "rights" - he can very well say he wants residency... please get some proper advice OP, this lot will lead you a merry dance up the garden path and let you believe you have superior rights

bluebeck · 17/06/2018 12:02

You seem to have a very warped view of what you can and cannot do, like he can dictate to you. This is ringing alarm bells.

He cannot stop you from taking DC to stay with your parents. If he rocks up being aggressive you call police and do not answer the door.

You need to take charge of this situation. He has brainwashed you into thinking he holds all the cards.

Move to your parents and take it from there.

Flisspaps · 17/06/2018 12:02

@NewYearNewMe18 I've not implied she has superior rights. I can't see where anyone else has stated that either.

It is true that 'DP' can't stop her taking their child to her parents.

Equally, if 'DP' wanted to up sticks with their child following this argument, OP couldn't stop him either.

CoughLaughFart · 17/06/2018 12:03

Who has said that? As far as I can see, all anyone has said is that the OP should take her son to her parents’. Yes, her partner could contest it, but that takes time. Unless he has her under lock and key, he doesn’t have to ‘let’ her leave.

Firesuit · 17/06/2018 12:05

If it's done ask him when he plans to leave and does he need any bin bags for his stuff?

Take your child and move in with your parents

He can't stop you taking your child, even if it means you both sleeping in a single bed at your parents.

Why assume she's entitled to keep the home and child? I know this is frequently the eventual outcome, for circumstantial reasons that may or may not apply in this case, but in the first instance she has no more legal right to either than does he.

GirlsBlouse17 · 17/06/2018 12:14

Sorry you are going through this OP. What he said was very nasty. Sounds like you are better apart. May be a good idea to get legal advice. Could you agree some kind of joint custody arrangement? If you moved into your parents temporarily, it might help you get back on your feet. If you owned the house, I would have said stay in the property. Leaving a rented property seems less of a problem to me

liz70 · 17/06/2018 12:15

Without mutual respect in a relationship, it's over. I'm sorry - you deserve better.

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