To think i have messed up/wasted my whole life.

[januaryblues123]

Here goes.... I'm 29 and have nothing to show for it, if I weren't here tomorrow no one would even notice.
Last year I thought I had it all, a 3 bedroom house, a lovely partner (been together 10 years) and I was pregnant. On Christmas eve I found out he was having an affair and it had been going on for 2 years, his whole family was down and so were mine, we agreed not to say anything until they left on new years day but about an hour after they left he packed his bags and told me he was leaving me and I haven't heard from him since. 2 weeks later I had a miscarriage my doctor told me it could have been the stress as they couldn't find anything wrong. Since then my life has been a complete waste of time, I couldn't afford the rent and am now living in a crappy little one bedroom flat, I have no money, no friends as I spent all my time with my ex.
I feel like I've wasted so much time and now it's too late to start again. Before anyone suggests depression I don't think this is what this is, I just have no idea what to do next?

Please don’t lose hope. I was married very young and he also cheated on me. Divorced by 28 years old. Thankfully no kids. I was so lost for a long time. Im not going to lie, the first couple of years we so hard as he had been a part of my life since I was 14 years old. I thought the same as you that I’d wasted my life on this man. I ended up going from a beautiful 3 bed to a studio flat close to my parents house. Best thing I ever did. I joined the gym, joined some local clubs, made new friends. I’d given up on love but then one day my Prince Charming just rocked up moving into the flat next door to mine. That was that! 7 years and 3 dc later, I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. Never lose hope

I started again at 30 and couldn't be happier. I'm sorry for all you have gone through, I'm sure it's not easy when you are feeling so down. Please do try to put yourself out there when you feel able, go to family stuff, reach out to friends, go to random groups or he gym or whatever, if you can't talk to people they might talk to you first and you might get some more friends. It won't always be this hard.

If there is one thing I have learned at the grand old age of 37 is that life is a constant fluctuation. There are no rules, although I think we are often pressured to think there are, about when things have to be done and that everything has to be 'perfect' and that some people truly do have this perfect fairytale. It's bollocks.

Everyone has had to hit rock bottom, have utterly shocking things happen to them where you honestly believe you won't get through the day. But you do it, and you can't bloody believe how strong you are.

This will change you and in the long term you will look back and be so proud that you got though it. Other posters are right - without wanting to patronise at all you really are so very young. You're just getting started! Xxx

How on earth have you messed anything up? Answer: you haven't, at all. You've been hit by the emotional equivalent of a ten-tonne truck all in a really short space of time, try not to be so hard on yourself. Someone else hurt you terribly, someone you trusted. That takes a while to recover from.

You will be fine, and more than fine. You will be happy again - deliriously so. Just for now, take care of yourself - do nice things you like doing, even if only little things like lounging in the bath or buying a fluffy dressing gown or a bunch of flowers or going to the cinema with a bag of sweets - whatever. You've got lots of time to get to where you want to be. again.

I'm so sorry OP. You've been through so much. I can understand how you are feeling. When my DP and I separated when I was 34 and I ended up in in a bedsit on my own with a mattress, chair and small portable tv, I felt like, after 11 years of climbing the ladder in a snakes and ladder game that I had now slipped rapidly down the snake to the bottom again. It was hard to feel positive again. The thought of climbing back up the ladder seemed like an exhausting and unachievable thing. I didn't have the energy or motivation at that point. Emotionally I was not in the right place and life seemed painful. I felt I had ruined my life and starting again was too difficult a thing to do.

I didn't make any plans. I didn't attempt to climb any ladder. I just got stuck into my job which was the only constant in my life at that time. My work colleagues were my mates who I shared a drink or two with. My family were supportive of me. It was a difficult time. However, a couple of years later, I met someone at work and we fell in love and got married eventually and have a house together and family. Second time was more going up an escalator than a ladder lol.

I think you've been through a much tougher time than me OP. I know it doesn't feel like things will get better again but they will. The pain will diminish. I think it would help for you to see your doctor because you coukd probably do with some support especially with with grieving the loss of your baby. Your ex doesn't sound like a nice person and was controlling if he made you ditch your friends. It is hard now but some day you will look back at this time and will be glad that this horrible man is not in your life anymore. You may find that your friends who you have not seen in such a long time would love to see you again and rekindle friendships if you got in touch with them again. You are a kind, lovely woman and I bet they have missed you.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP but you will come out the other side. Don't do it in your own though. Get support from your family and don't be afraid to get some counselling as it can help. Get in touch with old friends and make some new friends. We are all here for you too on Mumsnet! Also you are young so please dont feel that anything is too late to do or achieve in life!

Take care
xxx

What a scumbag bit it's a lesson a hard lesson and you WILL come out of this okay. Trust me I had a horrible time between 24-26 now I'm okay I thought my life was over
I'm 29 too l literally only started living my life at 27