To think you shouldn't be better off a single parent living with family than being in a working couple? **Title edited by MNHQ**

[CallingAllLovers]

In a nutshell, I'm working 17 hours a week and getting £700 take home salary, plus £82 something Child Benefit. I have one DC.

On top of this, I get about £800 it so in tax credits.

I'm now separated from my husband so living with family.

I'm far better off financially than I was when both myself and H worked and ran a home together.

I have a friend who's really struggling, her DH and her both work full time with one DC. Another friend in a similar situation with two DC.

I was incredibly panicked when leaving H, I often kept staying when things were really tough due to being petrified of how skint I would be.

But it's not the case.

I did wonder why the money I get was so high, then I was told tax credits don't care about your bills/outgoings, just your childcare.

AIBU to think I shouldn't be better off than someone working full time, or a hard working couple working full time?

I realise this thread sounds really goady, but I'm not trying to be.

It just seems like people are penalised for working more/having a partner.

£500 a month in child maintenance

I’m confused about what constitutes a ‘working family’. Anyway, Camel, I don’t quite understand your situation. Why did your husband have to be earning loads more to make up what you were missing out on as a single person? I can see that you would have lost some or all of your tax credits. Did your rent increase hugely? Is he on a very low income ? If you are only earning £150 a week that’s a pretty low income too. Isn’t that part of the problem?

£150 a week as a single mother of 3 is NOT a low income!!

Fucking hell what do you expect from people?

A working family is a family who work.

On one side you have single people only working a few hours because tax credits are capped massively when you work more

On the other side you have families separated because they can’t afford live together

Both situations are shit. There needs to be more help for working families.

TC, HB, CTB and WTC top ups mean that If a second wage earner moves in, the loss of those benefits are major.

I’m not writing this again so if you’re still struggling to read it, just reread what I’ve already written.

No. I don't agree. I still don't understand the issue of the difference between a 'working family' and a 'working single mum' since benefits are means tested.

I accept around thresholds, there will be people who are worse off on the wrong side of a threshold. But if there were no thresholds, then we would all claim benefits!

It really grates me that that's the case. I'm on maternity leave but only worked 15 hours a week because of health problems. I earn minimum wage so bring home roughly 5k a year. My husband earns 10 an hour and works full time and we're barely scraping by. We get child benefit. 20 a week I think it is. We're in temporary accommodation as we had nowhere to live and we HAVE to pay the full rent until housing benefit goes through. Our rent is £270 a week being in London... that's the wages more than gone. We're not entitled to tax credits or ANY other benefits.

I realise I'm very lucky to have a close knit family to help out in times of need but if we didn't we wouldn't be eating.

The issue is that if the top up equals the amount the secondary worker brings home, then you have a whole other person to feed, clothe and house with NO EXTRA MONEY.

Meaning you have LESS DISPOSABLE INCOME when living with a working partner than without.

How is this so difficult for people to comprehend. It’s bloody obvious.

@ohreally it seems as though you are agreeing with cantankerous in the last post.

No one is suggesting there should be no thresholds. There should be more support for working families who work more than 24hrs.

Actually I do think £150 is a low weekly wage regardless of how many children you have (unless my maths is wrong). Is that around £8000 a year?

This is the reason why men get so pissed off moving in with single mums because they can't meet the shortfall. It also prevents women having future serious relationships because the new partner is expected to cover the costs of the children who aren't his.
The government are actively encouraging single parenting, relationship breakdown, and a reluctance and or refusal to leave the benefits system because they will be worse off. Given that the government believe single parents, particularly mothers where children are raised without a father figure, are damaging to children, the way the current system is set up is counterproductive.

Of course we need thresholds but they shouldn’t mean there is fuck all reason for both parents working or that its easier for them to live apart

hmmm

Not when you have no childcare costs. Perfectly reasonable for secondary earner covering all childcare

Mila This is the reason why men get so pissed off moving in with single mums because they can't meet the shortfall. It also prevents women having future serious relationships because the new partner is expected to cover the costs of the children who aren't his.

Absolutely this. Having discussed moving in with my DP of 6 years we have erred on the side of living apart for the foreseeable future as (even if he were willing) I don’t want to be reliant on him to make up the shortfall of my low income. We would both save on living costs but any savings for him would be wiped out by subsidising me, which would then impact on his own spending on him and his DCs.

While I’m happy to support him and his DCs with my parenting and cooking etc the likely end result is me having to do more of the housework and shitwork to try and compensate for the fact that he’s out of pocket because of me. That way resentment lies.

So we’ll just plod along in our own separate worlds, me doing my best with what I have and him earning shed loads and spending it like water. And I guess once my DCs are older and the tax credits not longer make up for my low earnings I’ll have to reconsider and become a kept woman

Your working minimal hours and complaining about being skint. Sort your hours out maybe. I started work when DD2 was 6 weeks old because I had no choice. Maybe it’s time to look at your life choices

Was that aimed at me?

I work PT because my teenager is mentally ill and was suicidal. My experience and qualification are all in the food service/bar industry. Nights and mentally ill teenagers when you're a lone parent don't go hand in hand. Full time jobs in the food service, unless you are management, are as rare as hens teeth. I had one, but I had to leave when my daughter wrote to me asking for my permission to end her life. There is no father to watch over her while I'm at work.

I went back recently, one night a week to start with and then upped it to two when she coped okay for one night.

If you point me in the direction of childcare for suicidal fifteen year olds, I'll 'sort my hours out' and go back full time or find another management position.

This is exactly what I mean by it being harder for lone parents to work. There is no-one else to pick up the slack when shit goes wrong it's down to you. They don't get more money than couples but they don't get more despite it being twice as hard to stay in work.

Well frequency if I can be ripped apart for ‘only’ earning £150 a week despite having complete care for three children as well as one under 1, then you have to accept your shit to be ripped apart too.

I’d rather everyone had it a bit easier. That’s all I’ve ever said. Why that warrants such vitriol from you people I don’t know.

Families with two working parents get a shit ride atm. Nobody is suggesting single parents live the life of Riley, simply that discussions have to be had about the shit ride working families have.

*Absolutely this. Having discussed moving in with my DP of 6 years we have erred on the side of living apart for the foreseeable future as (even if he were willing) I don’t want to be reliant on him to make up the shortfall of my low income. We would both save on living costs but any savings for him would be wiped out by subsidising me, which would then impact on his own spending on him and his DCs.

While I’m happy to support him and his DCs with my parenting and cooking etc the likely end result is me having to do more of the housework and shitwork to try and compensate for the fact that he’s out of pocket because of me. That way resentment lies.

So we’ll just plod along in our own separate worlds, me doing my best with what I have and him earning shed loads and spending it like water. And I guess once my DCs are older and the tax credits not longer make up for my low earnings I’ll have to reconsider and become a kept woman*

Same here. However if I were to jack in work, go on income support, find a partner who was also prepared to give up employment then we could rub along quite nicely without either of us having to work (got a baby, income support paid to couples where only one expected to work so the exemption still applies).
The disadvantage is working as a single parent being limited wage wise, and having a partner working full time, means I am penalised for:
a) having kids with a man who has fucked off without a second glance
b) daring to want a relationship with someone new

What divorced man, who pays maintenance to their ex for children, can afford to take on mine as well? Tax credits are meant to equalise the living standard for children like mine. Because a man lives with us (hypothetically) doesn't mean he is able to do that.
Not saying the state should fund me to have a relationship. What they should be doing is prosecuting my ex for failing to provide for his offspring.

This is exactly what I mean by it being harder for lone parents to work. There is no-one else to pick up the slack when shit goes wrong it's down to you. Exactly - and how many jobs need you to work weekends and evenings too?

I went for 3 interviews last year and each one went really well until it got to the hours/days. They said they were ‘family friendly’ firms because of you had a family party one weekend they’d allow you to swap your weekday off for a Saturday on occasion. And that some of the young guys got home in time to tuck their kids in. Wow fab, so I can have a weekend day off every few months and be home by 7.30pm. As a single mum that doesn’t work for me, funnily enough!

And when I suggested that I’d be happy to do some work in the evenings from home, but wouldn’t be able to stay in the office for 11 hours, suddenly I was not such an attractive prospect.

Enjoy it while it lasts OP, when you eventually decide to move out you'll find that no landlords want to take the risk of a single parent claiming benefits except 1 landlord who will charge you over the odds monthly and then ask for 6 weeks rent as a deposit plus a month in advance. You'll then move in and have all the bills to pay all by yourself, mine are £250 pm and that's just the direct debits. No money to replace broken/old appliances, no money to get the car through the mot, no money for anything beyond day to day living.

of COURSE that wouldn't happen @happinessischocolate !
All single mums are automatically housed in free houses and given white appliances.
Don't be so negative!

This thread is hilarious. People are literally demanding that they’re attacked for being single parents and getting upset to the point of making attacks when they’re not.

Well OP, you'll be happy to know that my DD has been transferred onto Universal Credit and that she is £100 per week worse off.

Currently she is my Carer, so subsequently so will I be worse off because I'll have to fund her weekly bus pass and I'll be helping with essentials for my two Grandchildren.

If she lived in a high rent area, she would be homeless, so we would also be overcrowded, as many are. It's great being on benefits.

CantankerousCamel, tbf, before I was Widowed I thought as a two Parent working Family we had it bad. My children are now Adults.

My life choices didn't include being Widowed, or becoming disabled. My DD's choice wasn't for her DP to quit his job and fuck off. It isn't people's life choice to be made redundant and there be no alternative employment.

We've got into a system large sections of society can't manage without Benefits. The cost of living is high and if the housing situation isn't dismal, then the employment one is.

We can't go on as we are and retain any claims to the standards of living in the UK.

My next door neighbour has way more disposable income than we do. I work approx 25 hrs and my DH close to 50. Two dependent children.
She works 16 hrs a week and has 5 children.
Her parents subsidise her and she receives almost the full whack for HB and CT.
She has a boyfriend who pays towards the food etc...
Holidays at least 3 times a year.
Runs a car and very regular trips to Costa! 😆
My old single parent neighbour struggled. She worked full time ( 35 ish hours) two children, and a small contribution from her ex.
Strange old world.

Her parents subsidise her and she receives almost the full whack for HB and CT.
She has a boyfriend who pays towards the food etc...

Shocker! One person has generous and supportive family, other doesn’t. What is the world coming to?

My DP also pays for me to go on holiday. He gets the benefit of my company rather than holidaying alone. He doesn’t get the benefit if he pays my mortgage because he has to pay his own!

My whole point was My that nothing makes any sense these days...
The world is in a mess.

In this case: subsidise = new fridge for her. New car. New cooker / holidays. Fair enough. Nice her parents treat her.
The other neighbour worked harder and struggled more...
I think it is an odd situation we have now.
Especially for the vulnerable in society.