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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby left in a car at the supermarket

153 replies

Pinkerbells · 16/06/2018 17:34

Shopping in my local supermarket. I parked my car as normal, but noticed that the car next to me had the windows down. I'm not talking a little bit to let air in, I'm talking about every window being all the way down. My teenage DD said 'oops someone forgot to shut their window's'. I looked across and straight away clocked the baby seat. I said 'there's A baby on it's own'! We had a bit of a debate about it and we sat trying to work out what to do. We were probably sat there for 5 minutes, so plenty of time for the parent to have dropped off a trolley, or even go to the cash point at a push. The child was quiet still so I'm guessing it was asleep but it only looked about a year old.
In the end I took the licence plate and reported the car to customer services who immediately alerted security.
But WIBU to report this? I understand in a petrol station it is a different matter, but in a supermarket?

OP posts:
Kursk · 17/06/2018 21:48

We live very remotely by UK standards, I may visit my local town (2000 people) maybe every 4 months. 9 months is my record.

We moved from the UK to the USA.

  1. There is NO crime.
  2. Everyone one in town knows everyone. IF something were to happen I would fully expect the perpetrators to be shot in the act.
  3. I am outside in the woods daily. When the kids were young they were left by a tree while I worked nearby. I am much more worried about bears, wolves and coyote’s than I am people.

If I lived somewhere as dodgey as the UK then my attitude would probably be different, but here I am not concerned about leaving kids around town.

Nicknacky · 17/06/2018 21:50

kursk I’m not actually worried about abduction, it’s incredibly rare. But it’s irresponsible to say the least to leave a baby in car for as long as you say you do.

AppleKatie · 17/06/2018 22:01

Parent obviously unreasonable and it is rightly shocking that someone would leave a very young baby in the car alone.

Kidnap is not the biggest risk to my mind though. The chances of ‘random’ kidnap in a uk supermarket car park must be slim to none.

Overheating and mental stress from feeling abandoned are much more likely risks.

blinkineckmum · 17/06/2018 22:16

When I pick up my ds from preschool I have to bring his 2 younger sisters. They always fall asleep in the car. I leave them while I get him. I am not the only one. At least 2 other parents also leave smaller siblings in their cars while they pick up the older ones. No-one seems surprised or outraged by this.

nocoolnamesleft · 17/06/2018 23:25

Kursk

But at least we don't have to worry about whether our kids will get shot...

Kursk · 17/06/2018 23:49

nocoolnamesleft

I don’t worry about my kids getting shot at all. The chance of that happening is so slim.

LM1970 · 18/06/2018 00:19

blink- that’s different. I would hope the only people who had access to where you park would be other parents of the preschool. In my local supermarket car park ive seen drug users/dealers, teenage boys rallying round acting like dickheads and god knows who else. I would leave my sleeping child in a preschool car park (assuming it was off the road and wasn’t parking for anywhere else) but not in what is effectively a public car park. Don’t think you can compare, really Confused

TotHappy · 18/06/2018 03:03

Oh, i do it too. Loads of people do it, for a few minutes. It's only on mumsnet I've ever seen the outrage at the thought of ever being out of sight of your child.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 18/06/2018 03:07

omg This is the second thread today Kursk has threatened to shoot people. Thanks god we dont live in America.

Kursk · 18/06/2018 03:23

Walkingdeadfangirl

Umm, only one thread actually.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 18/06/2018 03:46

Kursk

"I would fully expect the perpetrators to be shot in the act"
"in the vicinity of my dogs (or kids) they would get shot"

Please just go back to your Trumpian gun toting dystopia.

emmyrose2000 · 18/06/2018 04:10

There is NO crime
IF something were to happen I would fully expect the perpetrators to be shot in the act
Confused

If I lived somewhere as dodgey as the UK
I don't live in either the UK or the US, but given a choice I'd pick the UK as at least I wouldn't have to worry about getting shot every time I step outside the front door or sent my children to school.

CocoDeMoll · 18/06/2018 04:26

I don’t know how anyone could leave their baby to do a full shop. I’d be sick with worry. I do leave my newborn and 4 year old in the car for petrol or a tiny (one item) dash but even then I get twitchy and worried if there’s a que.

I’m still at the stage where I stop to check on my baby if we’ve been driving more than 30mins!!

Kokeshi123 · 18/06/2018 04:43

IF something were to happen I would fully expect the perpetrators to be shot in the act

Christ on a bike.

In order to ensure that anyone attempting to abduct a child was shot on time to stop them, you would have to have a situation where the people around the car were so trigger-happy that there would be a serious risk of someone being shot as a result of a misunderstanding.

Example: maybe someone walks past a car and sees a child inside overheating and becoming dangerously ill, and grabs a brick to smash the window and save them. Guess they would also risk getting shot by some armed have-a-go hero in the vicinity.

sola82 · 18/06/2018 06:04

The article about 'forgotten baby syndrome' really scares me. I have a 10 week old and a couple of weeks ago I went to visit my parents. I parked on the main road, and just after I turned into my parents street I realised I had left him in the car.
I felt terrible and I'm constantly scared it's going to happen again. I can not understand why anyone would choose to leave their baby in the car.

catinasplashofsunshine · 18/06/2018 06:13

People who think they're safer taking their baby across a busy petrol station forecourt than leaving them in the car within view just long enough to pay for petrol are not very good at assessing risk.

The supermarket car park is totally different because you're in there much longer, though the most realistic risk is of the baby or toddler waking up alone and being frightened andscreaming for potentially most of the time you're shopping, followed by the risk of heat. Being snatched is highly unlikely although more so with windows fully down! I think people also misjudge how long "nipping in to get a couple of bits" takes and believe it's 5 minutes, when in a medium sized supermarket it's usually an awful lot longer.

catinasplashofsunshine · 18/06/2018 06:18

Kursk lives threatening to shoot people - she's on a thread about dogs jumping on toddlers and scratching them threatening to shoot anyone who looks sideways at her dog and claiming that in the USA it's perfectly legal to shoot people who you think might kick your dog in defence of their child. If the USA really worked the way she says everyone there would have already shot each other and there's be nobody left. I think she's enjoying playing up the trigger happy yank stereotypes.

Dottypolka · 18/06/2018 06:21

I can count how many times I've left my children in therror car alone, to pay for petrol, to the shop.

Zero.

Pay at pump and better organisation.

catinasplashofsunshine · 18/06/2018 06:28

Dotty do you want a gold star? 🌟

AngelsOnHigh · 18/06/2018 06:32

sola82. The best risk assessment is to purchase petrol when you don't have DC with you.

I'd never leave DC alone anywhere near a petrol pump even for 30 seconds.

catinasplashofsunshine · 18/06/2018 06:36

Angels that isn't an option for everyone - many people have nobody to leave their babies with Monday to Friday, or at all. Pay at the pump isn't available everywhere.

Tabathatwitchett · 18/06/2018 06:52

Dotty. I totally agree with you. It's notable how immediately do you want a gold star is the response as though parents like you and I are in the wrong. I've had these conversations previously on MN and have been berated for standing by my opinion that leaving children on their own is a no go for me.
The language of "nipping in " and "just one item" is worrying. I can't imagine that the parent in the OP launched in on day 1 with a full shopping expedition. More likely, she "nipped in" once for one item, got away with it so "nipped in" for a bit longer the next time and so on until it's half an hour plus and a full shop.

It's not hard in 2018 to get your act together with pay and the pump and on line shopping. There is absolutely no excuse for leaving a child in a car alone.

SouthWestmom · 18/06/2018 07:35

@sola82

The author advises in follow up to have an object at the front of the car to remind you you have a baby on board - maybe something on the dash or a key ring .

HellenaHandbasket · 18/06/2018 08:27

I will happily leave my three in the càr while I pop into post office/co-op for milk, petrol station type thing. They are 8, 6 and 8 months. If the latter is awake I will normally take him and leave the others with an audiobook or whatever. I wouldn't leave them to do a whole shop, but will and have left the older ones in the car while I go into Aldis so that probably takes 10 minutes.

CocoDeMoll · 18/06/2018 08:45

I completely agree with catinasplash The risk of taking your children out in the forecourt is bigger. It’s abour risk assessment and let’s face it, convenience. I leave my newborn in the car when I collect dd from school too. I’m never relaxed about it but I’m over anxious as it is.