To think 'MIL' shouldn't have said that

[LavenderGarden]

I'm genuinely wondering if I am overreacting or not.

Me and my partner are not married. I'm not from the UK and English is not my first language. I think I'm doing okay with the language tho given the fact that I have been living here for 6 years and my partner is a native English speaker. I know I make mistakes but trying my very best.

Anyway so as I said my partner and his family are native English speakers but my parents don't speak a word of English. My mother language is very difficult, my partner knows a couple of words but that's it.

So sorry I feel like it's getting really long now so I try to get to the point.
I heard my partner chatting to his mum and he was telling her that my parents are coming over to visit us(he's never met them) and she asked him if my parents speak English and he said no. Then she asked (tad bit sarcastically) if he speaks any of my native language and of course he said no. After this she just asked how on earth will he communicate with them?! I think my 'MIL' is nice normally, sometimes she makes sarcastic comments but I try to get on with her but this kind of hurt a bit.

I mean they are my parents and I wanted them to meet my partner and it is what it is.
It made me feel awful though. I mean yes they can't speak the language but we are a couple and I would like to have good relationship with both families. I feel like with that comment she made my parents 'worth' less

Well, she does have a point - how will they communicate?

Surely either your husband or your parents could make a bit more effort to learn a few words of each other's languages?

I think it was a reasonable question to be honest. I feel like I'm missing something here.

Yup I agree, both my partner and parents should make more effort. My dad does, and so is my partner my mum is so so but all 3 of them are shy.

Sorry sent it to quickly.

My point is that they won't be able to have in depth conversation but it doesn't mean my parents are less worthy.

Tone obviously counts for a lot but from what you’ve said I really don’t see the sarcasm or how she has made them “less”.

She was asking a question about logistics. How is he going to communicate if you aren’t there?

It’s not an insoluble problem but it is a problem.

My good friend can’t speak to her MIL for the same reason. If her DH or FIL aren’t there they just sit and smile at each other, which is quite awkward.

I really wouldn't read anything into it. Are you sure it was sarcastic or was that something you read into it? As I'm sure you've discovered, as a nation the English aren't that good at learning languages, and not that good at non-verbal communication, gestures and so on. So I wouldn't read into it any more than a genuine curiosity as to how on earth DH and your parents were going to communicate. Certainly I can't see why the comment made your parents seem "worth" less.

Why do you think MILs thinks they're less worthy? It sounds like you're a bit defensive about it to me.

I don't think she was implying anything, simply asking a reasonable question. YABU unless there's some major backstory!

You’re overthinking it, it sounds like a perfectly reasonable question to me. Presumably you’ll have to translate but MIL is right, your DP won’t be able to communicate, at least directly, with your parents.

i think you are reading this wrong. i think it's a perfectly valid question and if anything she may have been having a go at him for not learning some of your language.

It sounds like a fairly simple question to me, and I can’t see how ‘worth’ comes into it at all.
My best friend is married to someone from another country, his parents are coming to visit soon and she doesn’t speak the language bar a few words. ‘How are you going to communicate with them’ seems like it would be a fairly reasonable question to ask.
It’s nothing to do with worth.

Yes that's why I'm questioning the myself as I do think it a valid question. Its just the way she asked, the whole conversation I overheard, that sarcastic tone made me feel awful about the whole situation

We've had a similar situation just with different family members.

Get 2 smart phones out and use Google translate. They can each talk into it, then press the button for the phone to read it out loud in the other language.

Helps if you're not going to be there to translate the whole time.

I think are being over sensitive because your MIL has asked the question that has been worrying you a little?

You care for both your DH & your parents and would like them to have a relationship, but obviously communication will be difficult. I'm sure the visit will go well and they'll find a way to get to know each other.

We didnt hear how it was said - but from what you have written it does just seem like she was asking a question.
This issue is not going to go away, maybe spend some time teaching him the basics?

It's a valid question and presumably the sarcasm was for her son seeing as that is who she was talking to!

My interpretation would actually be that she thinks her son should learn to speak your native language, and FWIW I agree with her.

Is it not too much to expect from my partner to learn the language? That's been on my mind a lot too but again is it too much to ask? I mean he know few questions and words but that's it he can't have conversation

Is it not too much to expect from my partner to learn the language?

If my partner and her family spoke a different language as their first language, I’d want to learn that language so I could have a relationship with their family.

Regarding my 'MIL' I try not to get over sensitive about it. I do feel like there was something in her voice whenever talking about my parents but will try to not overthink ot

Is it not too much to expect from my partner to learn the language?

No. Sorry if that's blunt but if he's committed to you then it's an effort he should start to make. How long have you been together? Do you plan to start a family?

You sound almost apologetic about the fact that you are bilingual and that your parents don't speak English. Don't be. I'm sure you found it hard when you first came to the UK but you worked hard and your English is clearly now of a very good standard. Why should you be run ragged trying to translate for everyone?

i think you are reading this wrong. i think it's a perfectly valid question and if anything she may have been having a go at him for not learning some of your language.*

This is what I thought.

Unless she's generally a difficult person, I think it was a genuine question. I would hate the idea of having in-laws to stay when they and my partner spoke a language that I didn't; I'd feel awkward sitting there not understanding the conversation.

My DH is a very intelligent man but learning foreign languages never came naturally, he would try, he would certainly rote learn a few phrases and he would be very worried about it. Google translate would be his friend.

I wouldn't overthink it.

Honestly yes I do find my 'MIL' a bit difficult, well I found his whole family a bit difficult but saying that I find my family VERY difficult so 😂 Honestly regarding his family I find them a bit exclusive. I often feel left out and not fully accepted but that's a different story which I would probably have to start a new thread for and honestly I'm just not up for digging up stuff.