To think this nurse was rude?

[JesseJamesJae]

Might be being sensitive. Had a breast lift and reduction at age 21.

I’m now 31. I lost 6 stone and had the same procedure done.

I had s check up today and the nurse said to me “so why exactly did you have this done again”

I answered that it was 10 years ago and my weight has gone up and down in that time.

She replied - and do you still have a weight problem?

Her tone was pretty horrible tbh.

Aibu to think it’s none of your damn business and I paid for it with my money so if I did gain weight and they sagged again then so fucking what it’s my silly mistake.

cant see the issue?

No, she was not rude. Gaining and losing that much weight does indicate a weight problem, and she was trying to find out all the relevant information.

You can’t project your own sensitivity about your weight onto a medical professional asking appropriate questions.

Me neither. If someone said to me their weight over the years had fluctuated I would probably ask the same question?!

Sound like perfectly reasonable clinical questions to me.

It's major surgery. She's asking to see if it's likely you'll gain and lose several stone again.

You are being say too sensitive
She is a nurse asking clinical questions, not the hired help sweeping the floor

The only thing they've done wrong is not ask the question before the procedure. You're very young to have had it done twice and it would be irresponsible to allow someone that cannot maintain their weight to have it done a second time.

I think you are being overly sensitive.
However she may have worded it in a nicer way, such as do you generally maintain the same weight now or is it still up and down a bit?
But I wouldn’t feel aggrieved by the way she has said it. I’ve had some really good care from hcps where a spade is a spade and that’s how they approach things but their knowledge is excellent.

It sounds like a perfectly reasonable question with the correct tone. If the tone was rude, then yes, the question could be interpreted as rude. However, regardless of whether it is rude or not, perhaps the fact it has been asked means you need to reflect on why it was being asked?

I hope you are healing well OP.

Actually I tend to disagree with the comments you’ve received, yes, there are clear, pertinent clinical questions that need to be asked, but the role of the nurse is to be supportive, objective and non judgemental, the role is to reassure you and advocate for you. A surgeon might ask pertinent questions and lack a certain ‘bedside’ manner, their role is to make a clinical decision around safety etc in surgery, different roles and different objectives. In my opinion, YANBU about the nurses attitude, and particularly so that you are paying privately.

She needs to improve her counselling skills - perhaps recommend that some further education would be valuable, given that its a core requirement of her role.

It might be a reasonable question.
However it's the Why "exactly" have you had this done again that I have a feeling op found rude.
Also we don't know the tone she used.

There's nothing wrong with this. Get over yourself op.

It's not really for the Nurse to ask why you had the procedure done again - unless she didn't have your notes and was trying to determine if it was due to pathology. Your surgeon made the call to do the surgery, she shouldn't question that.
And what an odd question - "do you still have a weight problem?". Was this a phone consult?

Imsosceptical. You have a surprisingly old-fashioned idea of the nurses role. Nurses are not there to just mop fevered brows and follow the doctor’s instructions. They are hcps in their own right, often with extended roles requiring additional qualifications. So yes, they will ask pertinent questions in order to ensure their own best practice and high standard of patient care.

Fat shaming

I've found that people have different tones. Especially among various cultures and so forth. Some of my relatives are very very blunt - it's just how they talk. Try and not think too much of it.

@AlexaAmbidextra Couldn’t agree more. Reinforces the archaic idea that the doctors are the ‘talent’ who haven’t got time to be pleasant, damnit! while the nurses are slightly dim angels in starched caps who are there to tell you how brilliant Mr Fenwick-Berowne is. Sounds like a bloody large-print novel popular about forty years ago.

She asked a question within the clinical remit of what she was doing. I can’t see the problem?

With respect OP, you freely admit your weight fluctuates and have needed surgery again because of this. No judgement, just a statement of fact. Much like what the nurse said imo.

(I’m very overweight, if that makes any difference, so I’m definitely not judging)

Might she not be asking because of follow-up care that could be offered? Maybe she wants to figure out whether you could do with any support keeping the weight off - which surely would be in her remit.

She asked a question within the clinical remit of what she was doing. I can’t see the problem?

How is it her business though?

It’s firstly none of her business why I decided to have cosmetic surgery.

Surely the question of whether I have a weight issue is redundant AFTER the surgery.

There are no medical implication to getting sagging breasts from weight gain. (Obviously medical implication to gaining weight in general but again my weight is not her business)

How is it her business though?

Well you were in about athletes foot it isn't. But if you were in related to your breast operation then it was.

Why were you seeing the nurse?

Surely the question of whether I have a weight issue is redundant AFTER the surgery.

Umm no it isn't, arguably it is more important. Evidenced quite clearly by you.

It was a routine check up to make sure I’m healing ok.

How is it her business though?

It was a check up. Presumably extreme weight gain or loss at the moment could impact on your recovery?

Are you always so sensitive?