To think this nurse was rude?

[JesseJamesJae]

Might be being sensitive. Had a breast lift and reduction at age 21.

I’m now 31. I lost 6 stone and had the same procedure done.

I had s check up today and the nurse said to me “so why exactly did you have this done again”

I answered that it was 10 years ago and my weight has gone up and down in that time.

She replied - and do you still have a weight problem?

Her tone was pretty horrible tbh.

Aibu to think it’s none of your damn business and I paid for it with my money so if I did gain weight and they sagged again then so fucking what it’s my silly mistake.

Actually it's the whole surgical teams right to satisfy themselves that you are physically and mentally suitable for surgery. Your cash has no bearing on whether or not every clinician involved is happy to do so.

Please don't take it personally. It's highly unlikely that nurse was interested in you or your lifestyle outside of the context of the procedure you were there for (especially as a private procedure not NHS where they're more likely to recommend further referrals).

Question asked and answered - job done.

It was a routine check up to make sure I’m healing ok.

And to guide you away from yoyo dieting so you're not wanting surgery again in another ten years time.

I don't think she did anything wrong they ask these questions, some people are more blunt some people would skirt round it or try to find a nicer way to ask. I wouldn't really be too upset about i think it was a reasonable question your only young and I imagine if your weight is going up and down it may be the case they won t be able to keep doing it over and over again but I imagine they would have discussed at consultation. Hope your healing well and all was a success for you

Ah apologies for comprehension, but even after surgery it's relevant. Scar tissue can do funny things, multiple surgeries to the same area isn't usually recommended, she may have even offered some advice on keep your weight under control. The fact is you've had the same surgery twice and it's right hcp's involved should discuss pertinent facts.

It was relevant.

I think some people are quite happy to take it out on hcps, when they are asked about something they are embarrassed about.
Basically if you are slightly ashamed that you have let yourself put on weight/drank to much/ate too much/haven’t excercised/smoked it’s almost a defence mechanism to turn this into a well meaning hcp was in the wrong for asking you/the way they asked you.
I’m not saying that to sound smug I have made all of these less than ideal lifestyle choices myself at some point or another.
I just think it’s almost human psychology to deflect from something that makes you feel a bit shit. Blaming the nurse is one way of doing this.

She asked a medically relevant question in an appropriate manner and setting. She would ask because the answer could impact on your healing, scarring and positive future recurrences.

I think you may be projecting your own insecurities onto your medical professional. YABU

Basically if you are slightly ashamed that you have let yourself put on weight/drank to much/ate too much/haven’t excercised/smoked it’s almost a defence mechanism to turn this into a well meaning hcp was in the wrong for asking you/the way they asked you.

Ashamed? I’m not in the least bit ashamed of my body. I fucking love my body/figure. I’m now a size 6/8 and with a flat stomach and perky bum ... and now I have perky breasts too as a well done for taking the right steps into loving myself enough to create a more healthy life.

I have only 2 routine check ups with the nurse, which every other patient has too.

One at 2 weeks and one at a month. I’ve gained zero weight in that time. I’ll never see her again after today. I’ve met her 3 times before so yes it is a ridiculously stupid question to ask me now.

Being ashamed of your behaviour is different to being ashamed of your body.
Most people deep down are a bit uncomfortable when they do things that are not good for them. So you have in the past put on excessive weight then lost it.
I’m always a bit irritated when asked about smoking. I’m annoyed with myself I used to smoke. But I try not to turn it into that into the hcp was wrong to ask/wrong to ask the way they did, as I know they are busy doing their job and my past behaviour will impact on my health now.
Congratulations on getting a body your happy with though.

YABVU. Those are very normal questions. She's just doing her job.

I’ve met her 3 times before so yes it is a ridiculously stupid question to ask me now

I hope you weren’t so bloody rude to her face. OP fair play, you’ve achieved something really impressive. But your attitude stinks.

I think you were probably picking up on her tone which we can't judge in text. What she said could easily have been rude if she said it in a judgemental way but obviously that's impossible to convey here.

My guess is she is asking to see if you have problem with weight or body image. It could be that at size 6 you have a low BMI. You may need advice on that. It’s just one of those trigger questions we ask.

Tone is everything. Some HCP are horrible.
The doctor who sneered at my mum, ‘You don’t look as if you’re in pain.’ Or the one who said about my brain injured son, ‘Sorry life’s hard but when isn’t it?’ spring to mind. Or the doctor who said ‘It’s fine, it’s all fine. Which football team do you support?’ When we’d gone for MRI results. It wasn’t fine, he had radiation necrosis.
Aargh, don’t get me started.
There is a way to ask clinically relevant questions and it sounds like she missed the mark.

Actually I disagree with most posters. Her job as your nurse is to check for healing. Not to ask you any questions about things unrelated specifically to how you are healing. That is your Dr's job.

YANBU.

YANBU she was being a cow.

Huha are you a nurse?
Most nurses I have met are concerned with a patients health.
Weight is a big factor in health.
Restricted diets/poor diets/being too fat/being to thin also impacts on healing.
So I think that makes your point pretty invalid tbh.

Restricted diets/poor diets/being too fat/being to thin also impacts on healing.

Was about to say this. It’s very common for people who lose so much to keep going, and removing breast tissue/generally fucking about with surgery is ethically questionable if there’s an obvious risk that you might be keeping weight off by not eating properly.

Most nurses I have met are concerned with a patients health.

But this isn't OP's nurse who sees her regularly at her GP office. This is a plastic surgery nurse OP sees twice to have her healing checked. The fact she gained and lost 6st in 10 years is not relevant.

It’s a valid point. Large weight loss (or gain) will affect this type of cosmetic procedure. If you feel your weight is not stable, and has been Mai trained for a while, then it probably won’t matter, but if you gain a large amount of weight and lose it again- you’ll probably be back for another procedure. If she was doing the follow up care, I can understand why she asked.

I don't think you're being reasonable because it's that old saying isn't it, it's not what you say but how you say it. I was in Whiston hospital a few years back with gastrointestinal problems, waited ten hours over night, then had to go back that same night because I felt worse were I was then told, my heart was racing as it was that morning, so they put me in a side ward on a drip, and because the dehydration and diarrhoea was bad. Anyway, long story short, I just managed to fall asleep at 1am after 48 hours awake, when a junior doctor, well I assume she was, came in, slammed the lid of the bin down to wake me, I was still only half way through my third drip, that I was going home, I told her I'd sent my husband home she scathed "why? no one said you was getting kept in, so get a taxi" so I rang my husband to come and get me at by this time it was 2.30am, I told her I still felt really bad and hadn't slept for 48 hours because of the pain, she said well you'd just fell asleep, she told me she needed the bed although there were four empty side wards, and about ten empty beds. I know they may need them but I was really, really ill, I can't even explain, I could hardly walk and was still dizzy through dehydration, would it really have been so bad for me to stay another three hours just incase I got worse, if that was possible. Now, I know it's not the same, but you had to be there to hear her tone and why, three years on I still feel distress over the whole thing. I'll just add I worked in a busy outpatients department and was never anything but polite to the patients, even when I was shattered. So no, you're not being unreasonable.

Huha I’m not a nurse, worked as a healthcare assistant for a while and have several nurse friends. nurses are required to promote heath at every opportunity. The setting is really Matterless.

For every person that whinges a hcp shouldn’t have asked them a question, I hope when a hcp overlooks something and your health suffers because of it, you aren’t the ones whinging and complaining.

OP, you thought you were being over-sensitive and posters have confirmed that you were.

Not sure why you continue to argue?!

Maybe the nurse could be reported to the nursing midwifery council.
Or failing that the daily mail might do a piece on it, I can see the headline.
rogue nurse, asks patient “do you have problems with your weight”.
(In small print, patient has admittedly had difficulties with her weight for years).....

I’m afraid I now think the OP was pissed off that the nurse wasn’t sufficiently impressed with her size 6-8 rockin’ bod, and instead chose to touch on the fact that she has at one point weighed 84 lbs more. Jeez.