Ignoring my birthday

[DappledThings]

I expect I am BU. And silly and childish but dammit I want my own way on this for once.

It is my birthday today. I hate my birthday, have done for almost as long as I can remember. At least since I was 11 or 12. I hate getting presents, hate fuss, hate being the centre of attention. But mostly I hate presents.

My parents and brother accepted this year's ago and just send cards. DH sort of accepts it and buys me one small thing. PIL and SIL don't get it at all. PIL are here today and arrived yesterday with a bag of three presents. DH put this with his two on the kitchen table. I have ignored them initially and now moved them out of sight into the study.

The thought of opening them makes me tense and miserable. I know if I just got it over and done with the pressure would be off but I get so angry that yet again my clear and expressed wish to not have any is ignored.

On a scale of 1-10 how much of a dick am I being?

I totally get it op!!!

I've never really enjoyed my birthday! It's not down to a traumatic event or anything, I just think past the age of about 10 what's the fun?

Could you ask for your presents to be a charity donation in your name in future?

Thehop, yep, I've said on here I will do so!

So, I get you don't like the attention, but what about the gifts themselves? Do you always hate them? Do you use them?

I do actually get that people dislike being the centre of attention BTW, but I think there are rude ways of dealing with it and polite ways. You seem to choose the former. How did you mnage when you got married?

Next year why don't you just go out for the day, then you won't be in to receive visitors bearing gifts.

steff13 It's often jewellery. I don't wear jewellwery. Maybe for a wedding I'll get round to earrings and a necklace but otherwise it never occurrs to me. So no, not really.

You are being rude, fair enough you don't like birthdays, thank them for their kind gifts, and open them later.

Lonicera. I don't think I've been that rude really. I walked into the kitchen mid-morning when nobody else was there and there were presents on the table. Still with nobody there I quietly moved them out again. It's not like anyone handed them to me and I walked out.

For wedding DH wanted a list.I said I couldn't cope with that and wanted to just ask for charity donations instead. Our compromise was to set up a charity page and also say if anyone really wanted to get us something else to ask for vouchers. We raised over £1k for charity which was ace. We also got a few presents which were all good. Major difference being to hat nobody expects you to open wedding presents on that the day and they weren't just for me.

Which is why Xmas isn't so bad. MIL writes labels on a lot of stuff to DH and me jointly when she really means it to be just for me because she knows it makes it much less stressful for me

hating gifts is a bit hard to comprehend. Why don’t you tell people you hate your birthday and don’t like to be reminded? That’s much more socially acceptable and you’ll still get the outcome you want.
I love my birthday but no one makes a fuss because I share my birthday with my adorable cute niece. So I’m jealous.

I can understand why you dislike receiving gifts that are neither use nor ornament. I admit that I don't understand why it is so stress inducing for you. Sorry for coming across as a bit thick.

Slane I do tell people! They think that by not making a big fuss and arranging a party they are respecting that. But for me any acknowledgement of it is difficult. People simply don't believe that or do but think you're being silly

Lonerica Not thick at all. I'm not sure I can explain it. But I would say it's similar to a phobia. Those are rarely logical. But I have the same reaction. It's mostly to do with attention and just hating stuff being bought for me. It makes me feel sick and tense and then angry.

A week before my 21st (many years ago now) my university flatmates suggested a drink. It was quite unusual for the 3 of us to go out but being a week before I thought nothing of it other than a nice evening. Turned out to be a birthday drink with a present. I felt totally ambushed and panicky. Burst into tears and later was furious although I hid that from them. They knew how I felt and thought they were being nice by being low key but for.me it was still way too much and then surprise of it was hideous

Well if you’re reaction is that extreme you’ll probably need to admit you have a problem and tell people the extent of it. It’s not normal behaviour, but we can’t all be normal all the time in everything. So this is a proper big issue for you, you’ll need to make it clear.

Don't think I'd react that badly these days. I'd be really pissed off still but would handle the panic much better. Would still cut the evening very short. Can't imagine that happening though. People know better than that at least.

You're being a complete diva.
No that's not an autocorrect fail.

Why would it be an autocorrect fail? Unless, ironically you didn't mean diva?

Not sure how quietly ignoring something is being a diva. Unreasonable and silly quote possibly but surely to be being a diva I'd have to be stropping around and continually bringing it up.

Ignoring the presents us causing the problem though instead of just quickly opening them which is enough and then getting on with things. But it is ridiculous that the whole thing is getting played out like this.