Lied and feel so guilty!

[Tallyhooo]

Ok I think this may be minor but I feel sick with guilt!

I quit smoking several months ago, but have had a few slip ups recently - the thing is I'm 10weeks preg and just had my booking in appointment.....I put '0' on my 'do you smoke' form because I do still see myself as an ex-smoker and will completely stop.

The thing is I said I didn't at my appointment to the midwife I didn't....then got made to do a 'carbon monoxide' test...of course it flagged up at 8....I didn't hold my hands up because I felt so sick I lied, total fear of judgement - she even said about checking my boiler I couldn't say 'I lied'...I felt so sick when I came out of the appointment I had to tell her I did, so I phoned and said 'I just didn't think' - she didn't seem that bothered but obviously mentioned risks etc...which I do know and feel awful about - I don't know why I just didn't say!!?? I was so ashamed.

The thing is I haven't slept over this - like is she now thinking I'm a dishonest person!? I just feel awful!

Don’t beat yourself up. You are only human and we are all flawed.

How are you managing now? Can you use this bad experience as a catalyst to stop smoking now?

She won’t mind, or judge you I promise! The fact that you care enough about this to lie about it shows how much you want to change. Good luck with giving up!!

What is the 8 measurement? Out of 10 or a 1000? I think you are over thinking op.

I never want to smoke again!! Honestly it's made me feel sick - like is she now questioning everything I said...I never lie, for this very reason - but I do have this 'fear of judgement' thing that it seems to have flagged up for me - but I've made it worse - I am guilty of overthinking also!

Guilt is good Hopefully will make you give up for good.

Go to the website ‘why quit.com’ . They explain the addiction and how to be free of it.

Just had a quick google on the test. I’d never heard of it. 0-5 is normal. You were only just over the norm. Idk what it goes up to but one post I came across said heavy smokers can reach 25. The only person you were lying to is yourself. I do hope you manage to quit. I understand it is very hard.

Just makes sure if you are having the combined screening test you tell them you've smoked as this needs to be factored in to adjust the risk

This would eat me up too - though it's totally unfounded. I get it. You'll feel much better in a short while. It's done now, and she's probably got 1,001 other things on her mind :) you won't be the first or the last to lie about it, and I assume that's why everyone is tested

She won't give it a second thought. You've come clean, so that's the end to it.

I smoked throughout my first pregnancy as I was under such stress that I didn't know how I'd get to the end of every day. The baby was underweight, and had bronchitis, the guilt was absolutely dreadful :( She's now an adult and luckily very healthy.

I really wish I had brazened it out! It would have been far better than dealing with this rubbish feeling of total guilt!

Use it as something on your reasons to quit. You can do it!

YABU to smoke while pregnant btw that is worse than lying, what are you going to do about it?

You've put how you are percieved above the needs of your baby not a good start, you can only change what's happens moving forward not back.

They take your carbon monoxide reading every appointment.

I really wouldn't worry about it the midwife won't have given it a second thought.

The best bit is you will physically get to see your carbon monoxide levels dropping at every appointment from now on. That will hopefully be a really positive feeling for you.

I bet this happens more than you think. You came clean afterward - well done for that. And best of luck with giving up for good.

If you’re still smoking you’re not an ex-smoker.

You want the cigarette more than you want your baby to be healthy?

Pottering do you have reading difficulties?

OP don’t beat yourself up.

I have never had this carbon monoxide test, or heard of it! Where is this common practice?

OP you feel bad and you came clean, and you’re quitting. Sounds like you’re doing well xx

They know people lie. I imagine that, in general, most midwives understand that their role is to support, not to judge, pregnant and birthing women.

Tallyhooo, when I gave up smoking (over 5 years ago now), I had the Carbon Monoxide test with New Leaf. It should make you feel better that my score never went lower than 7 and was always in the 7-9 region even though I genuinely had not smoked. Even after 6 months it still didn't go under 7.

We got our boiler checked for this reason, it was fine. The conclusion we came to is this must be the background reading in the high-traffic area I had walked near the health centre.

So I can tell you with absolute certainly that a non-smoking ex-smoker could easily have scored an 8, without having any slip-ups or any cigarettes of any kind.

I think you’re focusing on completely the wrong thing - judgement from someone you don’t know, instead of ‘a few slip ups’ presumably while pregnant.

Stop worrying about the midwife and think about the baby.

Oh people lie about that all the time OP, GP’s know that all people lie about the amount of alcohol that consume as well.

I’m really interested in the carbon monoxide testing though, for two reasons.
One, I’m 12 weeks and my midwife doesn’t do them, so perhaps it’s regiona?

And second - I’m in my second year of uni doing a child nursing degree and I’m currently writing

I am sure she understands and you wont be the first to have lied.

Saying that i am 35 weeks and never had this test i am a ex smoker i quit a few years ago. Could she have smelled smoke of you and wanted to check??

my thumb hit send

I’m currently writing an assignment in smoking in pregnancy as a public health issue and incentives to quit.

One incentive is monetary incentative. You receive X amount when you have stopped at X weeks pregnant and also post birth. They do this by testing your carbon monoxide.

I’m wondering if your area has signed up to this scheme and that’s why she has tested you?