Lied and feel so guilty!

[Tallyhooo]

Ok I think this may be minor but I feel sick with guilt!

I quit smoking several months ago, but have had a few slip ups recently - the thing is I'm 10weeks preg and just had my booking in appointment.....I put '0' on my 'do you smoke' form because I do still see myself as an ex-smoker and will completely stop.

The thing is I said I didn't at my appointment to the midwife I didn't....then got made to do a 'carbon monoxide' test...of course it flagged up at 8....I didn't hold my hands up because I felt so sick I lied, total fear of judgement - she even said about checking my boiler I couldn't say 'I lied'...I felt so sick when I came out of the appointment I had to tell her I did, so I phoned and said 'I just didn't think' - she didn't seem that bothered but obviously mentioned risks etc...which I do know and feel awful about - I don't know why I just didn't say!!?? I was so ashamed.

The thing is I haven't slept over this - like is she now thinking I'm a dishonest person!? I just feel awful!

Think of it as the positive thing that will make you stop for good!

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing.
The MW caught you lying. That's embarrassing. The effects on the baby are much more worthy of your consideration. The MW probably doesn't give a hoot.

Most parts of the country test everyone at booking now. Not just those they suspect of being smokers as a raised reading can be a sign of faulty car exhaust, boiler etc. She won't judge you, she should just offer support and services to help you quit

I lied to the smoking cessation nurse, she was furious and chucked me off the course.
but a midwife will have seen it before op.

OP, use the wretched feeling you have now as another incentive never to touch another one. It's an object lesson that only bad things come from smoking. I'm sure your MW feels a lot more concerned and worried about the hardened smokers who don't feel bad about it and don't seem to care.

I absolutely detest smoking and I would happily see it banned, but tbh I'm rather uncomfortable about the CO testing. I am assuming it is administered to all women, even those who report as non-smokers, and is not presented as something you can opt out of? It feels intrusive and controlling - fits with the general picture in the UK of a view of pregnant women as not to be trusted, somehow.

This is exactly why they’ve started checking everyone. It’s now made you really stop and think and I suspect you will reduce your smoking more than you otherwise might have after seeing this result etc so that’s a success in my book!

Interestingly I don’t smoke (ever) and my result came back high. When I said ‘I swear I don’t smoke’ I could see her raise an eyebrow and not believe me (I’d say she gets that lie all.day.long). So I sat quietly embarrassed that she thought I was a liar but as I’m no shrinking violet I said at the end ‘look, I REALLY am not a smoker so can you test me again, I need to know if there’s some problem in my house’. She went and got another tester, clearly not believing me, but I came up zero on the new machine. She was visibly shocked and said that loads of mums had been swearing they didn’t smoke but had bad results on her other machine and now she felt bad for not believing them!

Don't beat yourself up about this. Giving up smoking is tough.

I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant with my first son but was riddled with guilt that the cigarettes I'd smoked in the first weeks after conception would have damaged him. He wasn't a planned baby otherwise I'd have stopped smoking whilst ttc.

Hideandgo either that’s a problem with her machine or her office itself has a carbon monoxide issue.

Both aren’t good!!

Yes, it’s minor and you need to relax, the stress isn’t good for you or your baby either. The midwife will not be thinking anything, they’re too busy to stew over something like this.

If you see her for your next appointment, just apologise, tell her you’d cut right back and didn’t want her to think badly of you, but you know you shouldn’t have lied.

Then use how sick you feel now to stop you having any more & do not start again once you’ve had the baby.

Accept the fact that after a very short time there’s no chemical addiction, it’s habit & a crutch. You don’t ‘need’ to smoke and your child deserves a parent who wants to be healthy and around for as long as possible.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊🌷

My DDs' birth mum (they're adopted and also full birth siblings) smoked throughout her pregnancies. DD1 kept coughing throughout the first 2 years of her life and had so many bad colds. Thankfully she grew out of it, though.

My DNephew is adopted too. His birth mum also smoked throughout her pregnancy, and he gets really poorly with his coughing, he's probably got childhood asthma.

So smoking can really damage babies' health. But, as long as you use these feelings to move on from this and quit smoking for the rest of the pregnancy and ideally for good, there is no reason to worry or feel guilty.

The judgemental posters on this thread should wind their necks in.

Who’s been judgemental?!

There are only two, particularly Pottering. But then you always get some posters who lay into anyone who admits to be a smoker.

Oh yeah I didn’t see potterings post, I just rolled my eyes and scrolled past it.

I’m also 😟 as to why what the midwife thinks is more important than the effects of smoking has on your unborn child. Check your priorities and turn it around and let the embarrassment be a catalyst for quitting for good.

smoking whilst pregnant? You’re right, I am judging.

the op is feeling guilty for lying.

keep your judgements for elsewhere

I am judging you Pottering, for your judgmental attitude.

And find you guilty

I know. I’m agreeing with you . I am being judgemental. Something's are worthy of judgement. Like smoking when you’re pregnant...

that is not the point of the discussion.
get off your high horse

Thanks for (a lot) of your comments - :) - It was the very fact that I felt guilty about starting smoking again after quitting for several months - (and also obviously do not want to smoke pregnant!), that kind of led me into the lie in the first place - I was ashamed and felt guilty - there's so many intrusive personal questions and felt such a pressure to be 'perfect' expectant mum - and I also didn't want to be judged because I'd messed up - but lying was worse!

Lesson learned and seeing this as a positive I can think of nothing worse than having another cigarette! Haven't smoked one since...guilt seems to be an incentive that works....