Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be pissed husband won’t come to party

47 replies

Magpiesarehuge · 16/06/2018 01:53

Friend who husband likes is having a birthday party. Husband can be a bit anti social and doesn’t really like her husband so has said he doesn’t want to come to her themed party.

Bit disappointed but happy to go on my own. Does this now mean that I can ditch his social arrangements? There’s a christening coming up that I really can’t be arsed with - really just want to say fuck it.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/06/2018 01:56

What`s the theme?

MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2018 02:01

Can't he go as the Grinch?

StinkySaurus · 16/06/2018 02:03

Yup I think so. You don’t have to do everything as a couple, and if they are his friends I don’t see a problem with you not going. Does he mind that you may not go?

Original poster

Magpiesarehuge · 16/06/2018 02:10

Not going to mention the theme - bit of a give away.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 16/06/2018 02:12

Theme? I don't blame him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/06/2018 02:50

I`ve gone to some great theme parties (go as your Jungian shadow, anyone?) and some awful (fucking white parties). It does depend.

justilou1 · 16/06/2018 05:01

Definitely skip the christening! If the excuse is that you CBA, and it's okay for him, do it! See how he likes it when the shoe's on the other foot!

TheOriginalEmu · 16/06/2018 05:16

I wouldn’t want to go to a theme party if it meant dressing up. It’s jusy not for me for various reasons including being socially awkward enough, having to dress up would push me so far over the edge of my comfort zone I couldn’t cope.
However if you don’t want to go to the christening you are of course allowed to decline!

LM1970 · 16/06/2018 05:35

YABU to be pissed off at your husband. He, like you, has the right to decline invitations. DH expects me to go to the majority of his work events (all the other wives are going etc)- but he works with a bunch on pompous idiots who are either married to golddigging airheads or other pompous idiots. I’ve been to three- one when we first got together and I swore never again, one when he got a promotion (obviously I had to really, it was his party) and when his boss passed away (him and DH were close and had worked together for years and I went to support him).

Life is too short to spend time with people you don’t like

LunaMay · 16/06/2018 06:00

Sounds horrible, having to go to a themed party to hang around someone he doesn't like.
I wouldn't compare a christening to an adults birthday party but that's just me, if you're happy to go on your own why be petty?

FraxinusExcelsior · 16/06/2018 06:00

Pissed off? Or drunk?

LellyMcKelly · 16/06/2018 06:08

Nobody has to go to anything. I’d rather chew my own leg off that go to a fancy dress party.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/06/2018 06:17

I’d be pissed off too, not much of a partner if he won’t support you by going to social stuff you want to go to.

Yes I’d do tit for tat and not go the christening (I love going out though so actually probably would go )

Velvetbee · 16/06/2018 06:41

We never socialise together unless it’s family. Works fine for us. Ditch the Christening (and have a long lie in followed by a delicious breakfast).

DoJo · 16/06/2018 06:50

Pissed off? Or drunk?

If only there were some glaringly obvious contextual clues...

FuckPants · 16/06/2018 06:51

If only there were some glaringly obvious contextual clues...

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 16/06/2018 06:55

God, themed parties are my basic nightmare. If DH tried to insist I went to one, especially if I didn't really like the person, I'd not be happy.

If only there were some glaringly obvious contextual clues...

There aren't any to say that the OP is American, which is the only excuse for using the word "pissed" in this context

cariadlet · 16/06/2018 07:35

YABU to be pissed OFF at your husband. It's your friend's party, presumably you'll have other friends there. Why does he need to come if he doesn't like parties? If he's introverted then a themed party would be a nightmare (I'm with him on that one). You would enjoy it and he wouldn't. Why on earth would you expect him to come with you?

YNBU not to go to the christening. There's no need for you to go if it's his friend's child. My DP and I often go to things separately if the other one isn't interested.

But your are BU and childish to say "fuck it" and be so petulant about not going. The "tit for tat" implication sounds petty and as if you are just planning on refusing to go as a means of punishing him.

donajimena · 16/06/2018 07:41

I hate the expression 'pissed' pissed off if you please.

elessar · 16/06/2018 08:39

I'm on the fence.

No as a couple you don't have to do everything together and as an occasional thing this wouldn't bother me at all.

But my ex was like this, where he refused to come along to anything that he didn't particularly fancy (which meant anything with my friends or family) so we only ever got to socialise with his together. It was pretty miserable.

So if your husband is like that then I have every sympathy.

Unfortunately if you play him at his own game then you might find yourself in a situation where you have completely separate social lives. So it's probably better to try and talk about how you feel and see if you can come to a compromise.

MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2018 08:40

'I hate the expression 'pissed' pissed off if you please.'

Quite

LilacIris · 16/06/2018 08:44

I don’t like parties, especially themed ones.

I’m not a fan of things like Christenings either but they tend to be one off family events. Presumably it is hosted by someone who hasn’t annoyed you, so I don’t see why you would be comparing it.

FASH84 · 16/06/2018 08:45

He doesn't have to come to your events, but equally you don't have to go to his. If you end up doing nothing together, there are bigger issues.

Luxembourgmama · 16/06/2018 08:46

Themed parties are dreadful he's not being unreasonable

SK166 · 16/06/2018 08:50

I don’t think a ‘tit for tat’ mentality is useful or healthy in a relationship. My husband is also socially awkward/anti social/quite solitary and I’m the total opposite. Yes, sometimes it’s hard and frustrating because I’d love not to go to every social occasion on my own, but he made it clear from the start of our relationship that that’s who he is and that he’s been made miserable by partners in the past who forced him into socialising and I promised I would never treat him like that. In exchange, I made it clear that I am sociable and would not miss out on that part of my life for his sake, which he never asks me to do. You have to either accept someone as they are, or not be with them.

If your husband doesn’t want to go to the party, you shouldn’t guilt him about it.

If the Christening is a just bit of a chore for you, but you don’t really mind going, then you should go. Unless you have a particularly strong and reasonable objection to attending, it’s not the same sacrifice for you as attending the party would be for him. Do it out of kindness and good will towards your husband instead of making it a bartering point.

Flip

1 2