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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating sites

27 replies

Alibobbob · 15/06/2018 22:13

So far joined the free parts of the sites, my experiences so far...

POF - nobody will chat,via emails, unless they see your photo. Some demand a photo. Some rude/crude buggers.

PMF - Silver pond - again demanding photos.

PMF - Single parents - no interest whatsoever

Zoosk - lots of messages although I haven’t written a profile.

It seems I have more luck saying nothing on Zoosk then writing a profile on any website.

I think I will give up.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 15/06/2018 22:15

Personally I wouldn't chat to someone without a profile either - wouldn't strike me as someone who was serious about looking for a relationship.

WorraLiberty · 15/06/2018 22:16

They're there to date, of course they're going to want to see a photo Confused

Janusrock · 15/06/2018 22:18

Why don't you have a photo of yourself on your profile?!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 15/06/2018 22:19

You need photos. From my experience the dodgy people were the ones without photos. I'm not saying you are, but you will get more interest with a photo and you will look more genuine.

JesusTapdancingChrist · 15/06/2018 22:20

In all my time on OLD I never once engaged with someone who didn't have a photo.

Safe to assume they're either attached or very unattractive. Most likely attached though. It's a gigantic red flag.

BellaJessica · 15/06/2018 22:20

Wth i dont speak to anyone without a photo either how creepy and strange. And photoless people on old are creepy. Never had a normal message off one yet.

guiltynetter · 15/06/2018 22:20

why wouldn’t you post a photo?! i wouldn’t chat to anybody without a profile or photo. and i met DH on pof 😊

PinkHeart5914 · 15/06/2018 22:23

I can completely understand someone not wanting to talk without a photo tbh, it’s online dating all you’ve got to go on is the photo then if you like what you see you talk.....

You don’t honeslty expect online dating to work if you don’t want to upload photos???

Pictureiswonky · 15/06/2018 22:28

I would never speak to someone without a photo. I'd assume they were married or had something to hide

Original poster
Alibobbob · 15/06/2018 22:30

I really don’t want to upload a photo onto a dating site. I have chatted to two blokes, got to know them a bit first then sent a photo to private email addresses. Met both but nothing more than a meet up for coffee.

What does OLD stand for?

Yes I worry about not being pretty enough and being recognised. Paranoid probably but also concerns because of my job.

OP posts:
BellaJessica · 15/06/2018 22:32

OLD is online dating.

Unless you are secret military or spy your job shouldnt affect your personal life.

Most people base their first impression.

Have you seen the show catfish?

BellaJessica · 15/06/2018 22:33

Posted too soon. On catfish when the person finds out they are not really talking to a slim blonde 19 year old they say it doeant matter. That they love the personality. But at the end 9/10 when the person is the complete opposite of what they thought it never works out.

Original poster
Alibobbob · 15/06/2018 22:35

I get your point. I get everyone’s point lol.

I think I will give it a miss until the kids have flown the nest.

OP posts:
BellaJessica · 15/06/2018 22:37

Good luck in your endevours op. Have you tried speed dating? Its in person so need need for photos online.

Original poster
Alibobbob · 15/06/2018 22:42

I thought speeddating had died a death.

My kids are still quite young so it’s finding a childminder, a mate to go with and a venue might be interesting.

Thanks for the idea, I will have a look into it.

OP posts:
BellaJessica · 15/06/2018 22:54

Do look into it. Its a big thing in my city. I dont have friends to go with but they sound fun.

Original poster
Alibobbob · 15/06/2018 23:10

I will. Thanks Bella.

I think I got sidetracked from my original point which was that none of those sites had my photo but the website with basic details and no profile information seems to be the most popular. 18 messages from 18 different blokes (with photos). I can’t read the messages as i’m not a full member and I think if I do join it will be money wasted.

I think I will put it on hold for the time being.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
BellaJessica · 15/06/2018 23:21

Im finding OLD crap with a photo. Its a jungle out there.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 16/06/2018 06:02

I met my husband on POF. I was on for 2 years and had dated other men and chatted to loads first though. You shouldn't give up but don't take it too seriously and don't put all your eggs in one basket till you meet someone you really like. If you're worried about people recognising you on there, I wouldn't be. Online dating is so popular these days.

OldHag1 · 16/06/2018 09:08

Thanks.

Bella I agree absolute jungle - watch out for the baboons x

Chocolate - thanks for the advice, 2 years wow! Glad you found someone x

narkedwithanarc · 16/06/2018 09:22

Profile photo definitely essential. I met my current bf on POF and got a lot of interest whilst on there! Didn't do anything special, just a couple of nice pictures of myself (and one with my cats...) and wrote a bit about myself - interests, hobbies etc. Best of luck if you decide to continue Smile

narkedwithanarc · 16/06/2018 09:23

Profile photo definitely essential. I met my current bf on POF and got a lot of interest whilst on there! Didn't do anything special, just a couple of nice pictures of myself (and one with my cats...) and wrote a bit about myself - interests, hobbies etc. Best of luck if you decide to continue Smile

RedPandaFluff · 16/06/2018 09:26

Hi OP - it might be worth doing a free trial for one of the paid sites, like match.com, for two reasons - firstly, the fact that people have to pay is kind-of quality control in itself, and secondly you might feel more comfortable about uploading a photo since visibility is limited to people who are serious about dating.

Several of my friends have met their husbands/long term partners through online dating, as have I, so I definitely think it's worth pursuing.

NorthernKnickers · 16/06/2018 10:50

It's a dating site, not Blind Date 🙄

I won't engage with anyone with less than three photos (catfishing is very common) or a really decent profile description.

JELLYFISHANDCHIPS · 16/06/2018 11:39

I met my OH on POF. I had chatted to other men before him but i read what he'd taken the time to write on his profile and knew we would get on. But I wouldn't have messaged him without a photo.
I understand your concerns about being recognised but anyone who has seen your photo on there has also signed up. Unfortunately it just isn't that easy to meet people when you have young kids, and OLD is one way you can filter out people who clearly aren't looking for anything serious (if that's what you are looking for) without wasting precious babysitter opportunities that you might not have.