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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should ask if his DD wants to bring a friend.

43 replies

MrsDylanBlue · 15/06/2018 22:04

Recently went full time.

Have 3 grown up ish kids who rely on me less and less and the weekends (EOW) are my solace atm.

2 DSDS who come home with DH EOW.

While ago DSD1 13 bought a friend and asked a few weeks in advance which was all fine (until after we let them sleep in the same room ex wife told us it was actually her girlfriend which I was furious about but that’s another thread).

Two days ago “D”H informed me the friend was coming again. I was going to say you should have asked me (as I do all the cooking and I am knackered atm with a huge workload).

Also possibility we may have to have the family pet put down this weekend so bringing a guest was really really not a good time.

Went shopping on way home cooked tea which wasn’t ready till 7:30 and then suggested to DH he should have checked with me about the friend also coming.

Then he had a go at me for dinner being so late Angry

Friend came with pocket money and they want to go to the shop to buy “snacks” and come back with 10 tonne of chocolate.

Ask them to clear up after dinner and DH after being totally draconian with my kids doesn’t want to have to do that and asks me to go and do the parenting and tell them
all to have a shower because all three smell badly of BO and he even said he had to air freshen the car on the way home.

I should not have to parent his kids

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 15/06/2018 22:10

Sorry to hear about your pet Flowers
He sounds completely unsympathetic, plus he's having a go at you and being strict with your kids. He sounds slightly tyrannical.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 15/06/2018 22:12

He complained dinner was late...after YOU had shopped & cooked?

It’s going to be even later tomorrow night isn’t it, by the time he realises his domestic appliance is faulty, then has to shop & cook...

As for you telling his dc & friends to shower because he doesn’t want to... Nope, I’d have said ‘You had no problem telling my kids what to do, I’m sure you can manage this’

I wouldn’t lift another finger until he apologises and starts pulling his weight. Git.

Sorry to hear about your pet 🌷

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/06/2018 22:12

It's her home so having friends over is normal.

Your DH on the other hand, sounds like a knob.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 15/06/2018 22:22

It’s not really her home.

She lives 200 miles away.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/06/2018 22:27

It’s not really her home.

Oh dear.

ColourfulOrangex · 15/06/2018 22:32

I think you should have to parent his children with him, you married him and surely took them on as your own?

Your DH sounds rude and should help you out

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 15/06/2018 22:36

When does he do any of the parenting?!

confusedlittleone · 15/06/2018 22:58

No wonder she wants to bring a friend- she probably doesn't feel particularly welcome at her dads place

pigeondujour · 15/06/2018 23:02

It’s not really her home.

Children's homes are where their parents live Hmm

comeherepetal · 15/06/2018 23:04

God here we go people piping up who don't understand what it is like to have step kids

My home is mine, DP and DD

DSD home is with their mum.

They stay EOW it is not their home.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 15/06/2018 23:10

They come EOW it’s not their home they do not view it as their home as my kids never viewed their dads as their home.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 15/06/2018 23:12

There's a lot you could say to your DH but I'd start with saying you'll no longer be doing all the cooking. Or indeed any for him.

Luisa27 · 16/06/2018 00:04

Sorry to hear about your pet OP.
Big hug x

busybarbara · 16/06/2018 00:15

He sees you as someone to palm the crappy jobs off onto! He wants a maid and a nanny. Either he pays for those or you will reassess whether you are getting anything out of the relationship because to be honest it sounds like you don't even like him!

BlueBiros · 16/06/2018 00:41

You can't have it both ways. If it isn't their home then they are guests so they don't have to clear up and you don't comment about showers. If DP should be parenting then that is because he's a parent so it is their home.

FWIW, my DF and step-mum chose option 2 and we have an amicable relationship. Not particularly close, but we get along well enough. Step-dad chose option 1 and I have a good relationship with him even tho he and DM split up.

huha · 16/06/2018 02:33
Shock
user1473878824 · 16/06/2018 02:52

My partners son stays with us EOW. This is his home. If he lived 5000 miles away, this would still be his home. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with people?

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/06/2018 03:14

Lets no focus on the "home" issue, but on the actual problem here which is Billy Big Bollocks a) being Disney Dad who never says no to his own kids, despite laying down the law with the OP's kids, b) kicks off when his wife, who works the same hours as him, dared to not have his dinner on the table and c) expects the OP to parent his children rather than actually lifting his arse to do it himself.

Does this prick have a single redeeming feature?

differentnameforthis · 16/06/2018 04:41

It's her home so having friends over is normal. Granted, but you still ask your parents (and step parent/s) if you can have friends over.

BangPippleGo · 16/06/2018 08:49

different she did ask, both times, if she could have a friend over.

TacoLover · 16/06/2018 08:54

He should be doing more and no way should he have had a go at you about dinner being late. But why would you need more than 2 days advance notice if her friend is coming over? Surely the only change you actually have to make is cooking enough food for an extra portion?

MuckyMare · 16/06/2018 08:57

I feel sorry for her. Imagine your dads house not being considered as your home by his new wife.

You sound delightful Hmm

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/06/2018 08:59

Why does he expect you to do the bulk of the work?

RJnomore1 · 16/06/2018 09:01

Christ I am not a violent type but he would have been wearing that dinner.

You do actually sound delightful. Knackered but lovely and much put upon. It's not the girls fault though the problem is your dh. I'd bugger off for the weekend and let him fave reality.

Original poster
MrsDylanBlue · 16/06/2018 09:45

To clarify. Their home is where they reside, their address, where all their things are.

This is place where there will always be a bed for them and if they did decide to make their address and reside they would be more than welcome.

OP posts: