He should ask if his DD wants to bring a friend.

[MrsDylanBlue]

Recently went full time.

Have 3 grown up ish kids who rely on me less and less and the weekends (EOW) are my solace atm.

2 DSDS who come home with DH EOW.

While ago DSD1 13 bought a friend and asked a few weeks in advance which was all fine (until after we let them sleep in the same room ex wife told us it was actually her girlfriend which I was furious about but that’s another thread).

Two days ago “D”H informed me the friend was coming again. I was going to say you should have asked me (as I do all the cooking and I am knackered atm with a huge workload).

Also possibility we may have to have the family pet put down this weekend so bringing a guest was really really not a good time.

Went shopping on way home cooked tea which wasn’t ready till 7:30 and then suggested to DH he should have checked with me about the friend also coming.

Then he had a go at me for dinner being so late

Friend came with pocket money and they want to go to the shop to buy “snacks” and come back with 10 tonne of chocolate.

Ask them to clear up after dinner and DH after being totally draconian with my kids doesn’t want to have to do that and asks me to go and do the parenting and tell them
all to have a shower because all three smell badly of BO and he even said he had to air freshen the car on the way home.

I should not have to parent his kids

you still ask your parents (and step parent/s) if you can have friends over.

She did ask her parent, the father. Since the step parent is not interested in being a parent they don't get included in the questioning in this case.

My DSis has a DSS, who is now grown up, he was 10 when she married his dad and she now has 3 DC with him herself. She was his primary carer for a number of years, as his mum lived 150 miles away with her new partner. She moved back when she and her partner split up, with 2 more DC. Her DSS considered both places his home and he used to have his girlfriend stay over (they're married with a baby now, and he's in the army).

I think children need to feel that they're at home when they're with either parent, not just having a sleepover.

What your DH is doing is playing 'good cop, bad cop'. He's expecting you to discipline his DD, because he does it himself with your DC. The two of you need to have a serious talk about how to handle this issue.

He was totally out of order about tea being late, who does he think he is??

Since the step parent is not interested in being a parent they don't get included in the questioning in this case

Sorry what parenting is the actual parent doing? Sod all so far as I can see.

OP he’s being a twat and I’d have probably launched his dinner into the bin with that attitude. If he took a hard line with your kids, no wonder you’re pissed off at him Disney dadding with his!

A home is where you live.

I split with DS2 Dad when I was pg.

When he was little he always found it really confusing having two homes, his dad gave him gifts he wasn’t allowed to bring here and then his gran did it too, it was mixed up for him.

The kids would never describe this as where they live. They are quite happy with that.

People get so funny about step-childen and where their 'home' is. OP is right - this isn't their main home. It's where their dad lives and as such, it's a place where they are welcome. It doesn't really matter, though, whether it is their 'home' or not. OP has been clear that the step DCs are always welcome there. The problem is not with OP nor with the step DC. The problem is with her DH. It is indisputably the OP's home and it is common courtesy for her DH to run past her whether it works for DSD to have a friend over that weekend. If it doesn't work for her - extra cooking etc - then he should be prepared to facilitate all the additional looking after etc himself, NOT expect OP to do it and then complain about it being late?! He should also be prepared to be the parent - this isn't down to OP. To the PP who thinks when you marry someone with kids, you take them on as your own, I do wish people would stop perpetuating this BS and making people feel guilty for not living up to unreasonable expectations! Step DC are never your own and negotiating a blended family can be really difficult with the emotions of all parties involved. Pretending that the situation can suddenly just be as if all children of the family are joint ones is ridiculous and imo what leads to the mess blended families often get into. The whole situation needs careful managing with respect for the reasonable feelings and emotions of ALL parties involved - the parent, the DC and the step-parent. Communication and respect are key and the OP is NOT in the wrong here. She is realistic and fair. OP - tell your DH that if he chooses to allow his DSD to have a friend over without taking the fact that you live their too into consideration, he needs to be prepared to parent fully in that situation.

*there not their!

The issue here seems to be dh . I don’t think he should expect to have to ask you however it seems like he should be doing something.

Has anything changed in your house changed since you started working full time ? Because it isn’t up to you to do everything

@busybarbara
She did ask her parent, the father. Since the step parent is not interested in being a parent they don't get included in the questioning in this case.

Absolute rubbish. She is NOT DSD's parent and that is a simple fact. That fact does NOT negate her as a member of the household, expected to cook and parent her husband's DD and her friend. OP does not become irrelevant and her feelings do not become of zero importance just because DSD is there and OP is not her parent. She didn't magically become DSD's parent when she married DH. She became DH's partner and a partnership is supportive of each other. Her DH wants all the support (as is so often the case in these situations, using the DC as a 'trump card' to get out of taking responsibility for managing the situation well) without giving any in return. What utterly ridiculous logic you have demonstrated in your statement.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames
🙏🏻

*Cook for, not just cook . She isn't expected to cook DSD!

Why are you avoiding the fact that your partner is an arse? Start establishing some ground rules, including him doing half of the boring or challenging bits of being a parent and an adult.

I whole heartedly agree that he can be an arse.

unfortunately you have allowed your Dh to treat you like this, time to put a stop to it! Inform him today that he will be cooking for the rest of the weekend as you are only seeing to yourself. And tell him next time he invites extra people to stay over without checking with you then you will be doing no shopping/ preparation/ cooking for them.
Oh and if he wants his dd to have a shower then he can use the bloody tongue in his head!
No offence but stop being a doormat!

Then he had a go at me for dinner being so late

The problem isn't your DSD, it's your DH. In your circs I'd be fine with the DSD bringing a friend (it's what teenagers do) but I would not be fine with the DH treating me like a skivvy and then complaining about the service.

I think the bigger issue here is your husbands behaviour!

Tell DH that from now on, you will not be doing any of cooking, housework or parenting of his DDs EOW. Your DH sounds like a Disney dad so you need to detach from it all and let them get on with it.

Just because the children don’t live at your house full time, when they are there, they are a member of the household. They should be allowed friends over as long as it’s convenient. This weekend it isn’t because of your pet.

Do you have a dh problem or are you both really stressed because of your ill pet or other aspects of your lives?

They are allowed friends and they are very much part of our household but as I am also part of the household I would like to be consulted about what guests we have.