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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re party and noise

33 replies

Andthenshesaid · 15/06/2018 15:00

Having a birthday party for my daughter tomorrow. 8-11.30pm. Outside but we are semi rural. Two sets of neighbours but we’re all separated by about 100m of field on one side and woods on the other (I’m in the middle).

I knocked on them this morning to let them know I’d be having a party but music would be off at 11.30 and everyone would be gone by 12. First neighbour was fine. Second neighbour seemed fine but has just knocked to say she feels 11.30 is too late and could we turn it off at 9?!

I said well no not really as not going to have 2 and a half hours of silence at a 16th birthday party. She said her and her husband go to sleep at 9 and she didn’t see the point in knocking if we didn’t care what they thought. I said I was being courteous and giving them the heads up.

I don’t think 11.30 is too late given distance between houses, the last party we had was 3 years ago (13th birthday) and they don’t have any kids to keep awake?!

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 15/06/2018 15:02

I guess it depends on how loud the music is. And I assume they can close their windows although if it's hot they probably would like to leave them open.

If the music is loud enough to travel 100m then it might need turning down a bit, otherwise crack on.

Jakethekid · 15/06/2018 15:04

Well it depends what kind of noise they will be making. Normal chatter and singing is fine but screaming and all that at 11 half 11 would piss me off slightly. With 100 metres between the houses and normal double glazing I wouldn't imagine you could hear much though.

If they are being excessively noisey around that time can't you just move the party inside?

Original poster
Andthenshesaid · 15/06/2018 15:06

They aren’t coming in the house, there are 50 invited and 50 attending apparently!

Yeah I think it will be noisy but surely neighbours expect occasional noise sometimes. We rarely have a party and other than that they don’t hear us

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 15/06/2018 15:11

Is there some reason why you can't finish at 11pm as that's when noise restrictions start? Your neighbours would be entitled to complain if they're being disturbed after 11pm. Maybe at least go inside by 11pm rather than staying outside as noise really does travel outside when it's across open land. Especially with a bunch including 16 year old girls as some of them do tend to shriek.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/06/2018 15:15

Forget them. You have been courteous and 11.30 isn't all that late (bye laws may say 11pm) nobody will come out in that half hour, especially as they have had warning!

And I say that as another who goes to bed at 9pm...

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/06/2018 15:15

by laws - ye gods! Smile

ifonly4 · 15/06/2018 15:17

They may have to work early the next morning (like I do on Sundays {hmm} but 9pm is a bit early. I'd say a compromise would be to tone it down a bit around 10.30pm, ie turn music down. At that point you could always go and stand outside your neighbours house and see how much the noise is really travelling and try and gauge if it could be heard in their house.

BottleOfJameson · 15/06/2018 15:17

YANBU. My neighbours always warned us if they were having a party (which was rare) and I thought it was nice of them, it meant we knew in advance and knew when it was going to end. As long as it's not every weekend 11:30 is a perfectly reasonable time to play music until.

Nnamechangedforthis · 15/06/2018 15:32

If they called the noise abatement team, they would tell them to wait until 11.00pm. If they called back then, your party would be over before they came out. On the off chance that they were dealing with something down the road and dropped into your place before 11.30, they would tell you to turn the noise down and you would. They would go and explain to the neighbours that this was a one off event. As you have already done.

You’d neighbours are ridiculous. Are they the types to try and disrupt the party at 9?

cjferg · 15/06/2018 16:09

Anyone who calls the noise police on a reasonable party on a Friday or Saturday night is a sad bastard.

I used to have unreasonable parties after clubbing (4am-whenever everyone left, with way too loud music) and never had them called. Although I'm pretty sure the people that lived below were drug dealers who would not want anything to do with police of any sort. those were the days...

Original poster
Andthenshesaid · 15/06/2018 16:11

They’re pensioners, don’t have to be up for work.

OP posts:
keyboardkate · 15/06/2018 16:16

Do go ahead with your plans. It is a one off, unlike some CF neighbours who destroy neighbourhoods every evening!

You courteously informed those either side of you. They are being selfish in the extreme to demand anything more of you IMO.

There is something brewing here with the 9pm bedtime neighbours! I mean they could go out for a meal or a drink, which is what we do when neighbours kindly inform us of a party!

I would stick strictly with the cut off time though.

gryffen · 15/06/2018 16:17

Have music til 10.45 then turn it down and any issues with complaints from teenagers or neighbours just print out the law lol

With 100m between houses and being rural sound will travel but turned down and a gentle reminder to the kids to not shriek is all that's needed.

Hope the party is good!

SabineUndine · 15/06/2018 16:22

I think they’re being jerks, or possibly just the husband of neighbour 2 is. I’d say you’ll compromise by turning the music off at 11pm and let them get on with moaning. Screen incoming phone calls on the day and party on.

heateallthebuns · 15/06/2018 16:35

11.30 sounds a reasonable time for the music to finish to me. Maybe 11 as a compromise.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/06/2018 16:40

It’s a one off party it’s not like your not parting every weekend, you’ve done the decent thing and warned the neighbours so neighbour 2 will have to suck it up.

When you live near others sometimes you get noise and 11:30 is hardly outrageous

Pearlton · 15/06/2018 16:55

I think YANBU in fact I think you have been respectful by informing them. It's not like you have adjoining gardens. All they will most likely hear is the buzz of the party and distant music and possibly a bit of singing. As long as no one goes home slowly past their house making noise past 11:30 ( given they are teenagers I expect most would get picked up anyway. Enjoy the party!Smile

TransPortFormerlyCherie · 15/06/2018 17:09

It's ok, they can come and stay with me for a night instead.

After hearing my upstairs neighbours party, especially the very late, very loud drunken singing, jumping off furniture (?!) etc, they'll have gained some perspective.

Storm4star · 15/06/2018 17:23

The people who's house backs onto mine have parties until 4am all summer long. I would love if they were just having a one off party and were polite enough to inform me beforehand! In that situation I wouldn't have any complaint at all! So I think your neighbours are being very unreasonable. If it was every weekend, fine they'd have a point but it's a one off.

busybarbara · 15/06/2018 22:24

Two schools of thought here it seems but personally I'm not delighted that two people who probably fought in a war for our freedoms are having their own freedoms for a quiet life in their winter years invaded so harshly. I say you counter offer something like 10.30 close.

AudreyCat · 15/06/2018 22:28

11pm is the cut off. I would ring the council and be round telling you to shut up by then. Before would be annoying but nothing I could do

AudreyCat · 15/06/2018 22:31

Also. Who cares they are pensioners. Just because people don't work, you're not entitled to keep them awake

swimmerlab · 15/06/2018 22:35

Listening to other people's noise is annoying.

However, this is the first party OP has had for 3 years. I honestly can't see why any reasonable person would have a problem with this.

Original poster
Andthenshesaid · 15/06/2018 22:53

Fought in a war? They aren’t 100, were probably toddlers on VE Day!

I think on balance I’ll turn music down at 11 but not off. We all have to live with our neighbours noise etc. We don’t make much if anything so I’m not going to feel too unreasonable

OP posts:
GreenPostItNote · 15/06/2018 22:54

This reminds me of problems I've had with my neighbour.

We politely gave her notice of a party seven months away and she told us we were being unreasonable and couldn't have the party at our house!

Anyone who tells their neighbour they have to stop a party at 9pm, when the laws state 11pm as the noise cut off time, is being unreasonable. Especially when the party is a rarity.

Yes, noise is annoying, which is why it's so lovely of you to be considerate, give advance notice and not have parties on a regular basis.

Being old and having fought in wars doesn't give you a right to stop other people having occasional parties.