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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son is embarassed by me

64 replies

daydreamer45 · 15/06/2018 14:47

I had a meeting near to my son's school yesterday so gave him a lift in (he normally takes the train). I needed to walk past the entrance to school to get where I was going but my son didn't want to walk with me in case anyone saw us. I wasn't going to kiss him goodbye or even hug him but he refused to walk with me and couldn't understand why I got upset. AIBU to feel really sad about this? He is 16.

OP posts:

Ifonlyfor1day · 15/06/2018 16:38

How upset did you get OP.

I wouldn't like him feeling guilty all day, have a little chat with him and you both probably need to apologise for the reaction from both of you. Then let it go it is a typical teenage reaction from girls and boys.

Vitalogy · 15/06/2018 16:39

Perhaps you mean living with me? Yes, that's what I thought.

bert3400 · 15/06/2018 16:40

Completely normal behaviour ( I have 4 sons and they are/have all been embarrassed by me being near them at some point in there lives . Take it as a compliment that he feels comfortable & confident that he is able to express this perfectly normal reaction 😁

Saucery · 15/06/2018 16:43

My DS told me at 14 that my car was “embarrassing”. I told him if it was too embarrassing to give him a lift he was welcome to stand in the rain and get the school bus. Funnily enough, it turned out not to be that bad

LeighaJ · 15/06/2018 16:44

It's normal for teens but doesn't make it any less hurtful for you. My husband said when he was a teen he had genuine anxiety at the thought of any of his friends seeing him out with his Mum. Even though none of them could drive so most likely anyone he would run into would also be out with their own Mum.

BeenThereDone · 15/06/2018 16:46

It is our duty to embarras our teenagers. I do it all the time.. If they do deign to walk down the street with me... I will consistently try to hold their hand. Or if they leave me and walk away I will wait til they are a few paces away with lots of people around and call after them "I love you". Really is so much more fun if they are with their friends or even girlfriends. Enjoy it

notacooldad · 15/06/2018 16:47

My son wanted something from the skateboard shop that was expensive and I was paying for. He was going through the ' God I'm embarrassed parent is with me visit wad swiftly pointed out he wasn't embarrassed about my money.. That shut that conversation down!

LeighaJ · 15/06/2018 16:50

melonscoffer

"Just because these kids feel embarrassed I don't see the need for them to be listened to."

Disagree, while kids don't make the rules, as they are growing up they need space to do so. Ignoring their need for that space is unhealthy.

melonscoffer · 15/06/2018 16:51

I think it is incredibly sad that OP son did not feel for his mum when she got upset.
OP , he upset you. He is in the wrong. Sixteen or not, he upset you.
For those of you who said that she has now made it worse and validated his feelings, i disagree very much.
Our teens need to have feelings about others and particularly family.
He upset her. It's not right, and I am of the thought that the teen is being extremely harsh.

melonscoffer · 15/06/2018 16:52

LeighaJ
I agree with the space thing, however I have never listened to unreasonable demands.

Ohyesiam · 15/06/2018 16:59

It’s not about you op, it’s how teenagers are.
Weren’t you embarrassed by your parents?
Please don’t take it personally.

FoxyBoxter · 15/06/2018 17:03

As others have said, a totally normal stage for teenagers. My son (15) has this strange habit of walking about 2 paces behind me & I end up walking and talking to no one because I always forget he is 2 paces behind me.

ModreB · 15/06/2018 17:08

As I was the go-too Mum for all of the DS's friends with issues, the embarrassing moments were a bit restricted as when we walked to school, home, town, anywhere really, they would get embarrassed by the number of kids who came and hugged me. We lived in a really poor area, but were lucky enough to be working, earning a decent wage and able to buy food.

They still remember me now, DS1 best friend, I saw at a work event after 15 years. Bearing in mind I am 5'6 in heels. He is 6'10". I swear he came and swooped me up, shouting, "It's my momma Modre,".

I think my point is, kids get embarrased when they feel secure. Insecure kids are just happy that somone cares.

And, not wanting to be at all political, this was the UK in the 90's.

myheartgoesout · 15/06/2018 17:09

I think it's pretty normal and hopefully temporary. I'm still waiting for my kids to feel embarrassed to be seen with dh and I - they're 14, so clearly there's still time yet!
If you feel sad about it OP, could you have a chat with him and let him know how you felt and ask him how he felt - this way you might actually get to know each other a bit better.

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