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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get frustrated by the lack of help from parents?

35 replies

Budgiegirlbob · 15/06/2018 13:25

I'm a cub leader, and last weekend I spent two nights on camp with 40 cubs (aged 8-10) and 6 other leaders. It was very hard work, but we had a great weekend, and the cubs loved it, however by lunchtime on the Sunday we were all absolutely shattered (leaders don't get much sleep on camps!)

We were running slightly late, so when parents started to arrive to collect the cubs, the cubs were lying in the sun with their kit, lunch (buffet style sandwiches, cake etc) was still out on the table, and most of the leaders had just started the take down the 16 tents.

I glanced up after a while, to see most of the parents sitting in the sun, after helping themselves to the buffet lunch! Not one had made an offer of help to get packed up.

I did go over and ask (politely!) if the parents would mind helping to take down the tents, and a grand total of 3 got up to help, the remaining 20 or so continued to sit around eating.

It was a bit of a kick in the teeth after we had spent all weekend looking after their offspring. Or AIBU?

OP posts:

Rainbowqueeen · 15/06/2018 13:28

I knew before I opened this thread it would be about scouts or guides. YANBU

Perhaps they might be more likely to help if you get the kids involved. Parent/ child Bonding while they take a tent down together.

Goldenphoenix · 15/06/2018 13:29

It does sound very thoughtless. I think i would be more explicit in future - ask parents in advance to commit to helping with certain tasks, it probably doesn't occur to them sadly

Semster · 15/06/2018 13:31

IME, if you want parents to help, then you sign them up for tasks and put the onus on them to swap with someone else if it's inconvenient for them.

This is after years and years of waiting in vain for people to volunteer for things.

Original poster

Budgiegirlbob · 15/06/2018 13:37

IME, if you want parents to help, then you sign them up for tasks and put the onus on them to swap with someone else if it's inconvenient for them

I agree, and we do run a parent rota for regular meetings, which generally works well. However, I was very frustrated on this occasion when I asked for directly for help, and only 3 got up to help

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 15/06/2018 13:40

That's disappointing. As a PTA secretary, this doesn't surprise me! I think I'd make it clear earlier ie in the trip information, then remind them as they arrive.

Kokeshi123 · 15/06/2018 13:41

How very rude of them.

I think people forget that these things are run by volunteers.

AmazingPostVoices · 15/06/2018 13:41

You need a different approach!

“Right cubs! Each patrol grab your parents and all go choose a tent to pack away.

There will be a prize (extra haribo always works wonders) for the patrol and parents who finish first/so the most tents.”

Seriously you need to tell not ask. Brightly, cheerfully and politely of course but it shouldn’t be a choice.

Screaminginsideme · 15/06/2018 13:45

Scout leader here- the cubs should be taking down the tents.
Don’t ask for help - tell them what to do.

A statement is always better than a question in these situations.
“Please go and help your cubs taking down the tents so we can all go home- thank you”

Original poster

Budgiegirlbob · 15/06/2018 14:20

Scout leader here- the cubs should be taking down the tents.
Don’t ask for help - tell them what to do

To be fair to the cubs, they had already taken out all the pegs earlier in the morning, and a few were helping clear up other areas of the camp, load the trailer etc. But most were absolutely shattered, and quite a few were asleep on the grass!

However, I agree with not asking parents, but telling, and will try this in future. I think I was just so tired, I didn't really have the energy to be a bit more forceful !

I think I was also quite shocked that the parents were just sitting around eating, while the leaders were clearly still working hard. One of the parents who did help said to me after that they could tell we needed help as we all looked so tired! So at least some of them acknowledge how much hard work it is!

OP posts:

itstimeforanamechange · 15/06/2018 15:38

I imagine many parents don't know how to take down a tent! I don't, I've only been camping once in my life, and that was when I was 14 and I was in a large semi-permanent tent.

Oh I tell a fib, I also slept in a tent when I was 10 on a school trip. I have no idea who put it up and took it down.

But there are a lot of camping afficionados so presumably they could help.

Original poster

Budgiegirlbob · 15/06/2018 15:44

many parents don't know how to take down a tent!

That's probably true, but then they could ask to be shown how, or ask if there's anything else they could do instead - there was lots to be done.

OP posts:

gracielacey · 15/06/2018 15:47

At my Brownies, we have a parent rota. It's expected that one of the Brownies' parents helps at at least one evening per term.

(Obviously exceptions made for disability/work not permitting)

gracielacey · 15/06/2018 15:48

And we remind them explicitly every term that we're not getting paid to do this - we're looking after their daughters for free, and the money they pay goes solely to fund activities.

BottleOfJameson · 15/06/2018 15:49

YANBU! I used to run a playgroup (my friend had initially set it up and wanted me to keep it going for her when she could no longer do it) and I was amazed at the entitlement of some parents. Complaining about the crafts, leaving a giant mess, wouldn't help wash up. I gave up pretty soon and some of the most lazy were disgruntled and wanted me to justify why I wasn't running it anymore.

KingLooieCatz · 15/06/2018 15:55

Would it be possible to timetable it so that lunch comes out after everything else has been packed away?

I do feel your pain, and can relate in a 3 people clearing up after a school disco attended by 200 type way.

AmazingPostVoices · 15/06/2018 16:01

itstime taking down a tent really isn’t rocket science.

Original poster

Budgiegirlbob · 15/06/2018 16:01

Would it be possible to timetable it so that lunch comes out after everything else has been packed away?

Lunch was supposed to be earlier, but due to an activity being accidentally double booked, lunch was later than planned. Usually lunch would have been packed away before parents arrived, but on this occasion the cubs were in the middle of lunch when the parents arrived.

OP posts:

ny20005 · 15/06/2018 16:11

Next time, tell the parents in advance that they'll be required to help when they collect children

Don't ask, just give them specific jobs

m0therofdragons · 15/06/2018 16:23

That is disappointing. I'm always being asked to help at dd1's Brownies but I work so dh takes her and he has dd2&3 to look after. I also volunteer at ptfa events and I'm a governor chairing a sub committee so I'm always a bit when the Brownie leaders start guilt tripping parents to help. They probably think I'm unhelpful. I did blow up 8 air beds with my electric pump at the last camp though so not totally useless.

m0therofdragons · 15/06/2018 16:25

I wouldn't have a clue how to pack away a tent. Don't particularly want to learn either.

ny20005 · 15/06/2018 16:29

@m0therofdragons

Maybe you shouldn't let your kids join cubs or brownies then 🙄

gracielacey · 15/06/2018 16:30

I wouldn't have a clue how to pack away a tent. Don't particularly want to learn either

Fine, just don't expect other people to take your kids camping for free.

m0therofdragons · 15/06/2018 16:34

I'd help tidy though, just not tents, but honestly by the time you've taught me and I'm trying to take a tent down while watching dd2&3 it would cause more hassle.

When I signed dd up for Brownies there's no suggestion that parents must help. I volunteer lots of my time, have 3 dc and work full time but I'm seen as selfish if I don't help take a tent down? Give me a break.

Original poster

Budgiegirlbob · 15/06/2018 16:50

I volunteer lots of my time, have 3 dc and work full time but I'm seen as selfish if I don't help take a tent down? Give me a break

Well, I appreciate you do lots, and you may not have time to help at weekly meetings. I also have three DC and work full time, as well as running cubs.

Regardless, these parents had time to sit in the sun having a free lunch, while we packed up around them. Even after we’d requested help. In that situation, I’m sorry to say I think they were selfish.

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 15/06/2018 17:09

I do agree they should have helped but I also can't get stressed about it. I'm about to head out to our school fair where I'll run a stall for an hour then stay on another hour or so to clear up. Usually there's 5 of us clearing up plus the head teacher. We have nearly 500 dc in the school and 5 parents willing to help clear up! It's shocking.

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