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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I just pay?

71 replies

catmumof1 · 15/06/2018 08:49

A good all rounder for the Mumsnet jury (and my first post) I think.
Hen party, pregnancy, and cf?

I'm maid of honour for my oldest and dearest friend so the hen party planning fell to me, which is fine and I was banking on losing a bit of money over the planning and booking process because its inevitable.

As we're going abroad the group agreed to split the cost of accommodation to cover the bride and me and one of the other bridesmaids paid for her flights.

I paid the deposit for the accommodation which was 30% of the total cost, I misread the booking information and thought they just needed card details and wouldn't charge me but now that's sunk costs from December and I was happy to pay the extra from my portion towards the bride.
The original split for all the other 'hens' was ~€65.
Hopefully you're following?

One of the girls has just announced that she's pregnant and we're all very happy for her. This means that she's pulling out of the trip (not cancelling her other holidays but that's a different thread) and she's very sorry but can't afford to pay towards the apartment.
This takes everyone else's split up to €85 as we're a small group, not a huge jump but we're not all mega flush and one of the girls is already flying over from America to come with us.

So WIBU to just charge everyone else more? Or should I pay the extra so everyone else can go for the price that was agreed?
I'm not super flush either and the trip is coming in the same pay month as my house move so an extra €65 isn't ideal, especially as I've already paid €145 and I'll still need spending money out there.

I'm also putting the €200 damage deposit on my credit card, mostly for simplicity as it's already saved on the booking but there's potential for me to loose that and I'll have minimal credit card spending buffer.

I also want to add that this wasn't supposed to be a mega expensive hen do, the total was £200 for flights and 3 nights accommodation.

OP posts:

mumofmunchkin · 15/06/2018 10:20

However you sort this issue, you need to get everyone else to pay you now, so if anyone else pulls out you won't be in this situation again. Personally, I wouldn't make any group booking without having everyone's money first, even if you weren't actually going to hand it over to the venue for a few months - too much scope for this sort of thing to happen.

mickeysminnie · 15/06/2018 10:24

If the accommodation was 480 and there were 6 of you paying. The cost of the accommodation should have been 80 per person paying.
What you are now saying is that you paid 30% of the overall price, thereby subsidising all the hens. So they only had to pay 67.20?
Explain to the pregnant friend that you had subsidised the cost already so she will have to pay the cost or ask the bride to pay, 65 for a 3 night foreign holiday is still a steal.

Fossie · 15/06/2018 10:24

Ask pg friend who she thinks should cover her cost?

Whereismumhiding2 · 15/06/2018 10:26

What are the costs that have already been paid for this PG friend? Did you pay her flight or is it just her share of the apartment? If it's the latter then maybe you won't need to have someone on the sofa bed in lounge so everyone benefits in which case an extra £20 each might feel ok to the other Hens. If it's not reasonable and you could have booked a smaller place, then PG friend owes you what you have forked out for her already/costs she had agreed to! she will still save money for not going on food & spending money costs. It's her problem.

Share the dilemma with others and say PG's share is £X, she has decided to pull out but has not paid what has already been booked/committed on her behalf, it's too late to change it /unbook for her now.

So I'm afraid we all need to cover £y extra each, unless there is anyone to replace her, and ask PGF for that back in time. I can't afford to cover PGFs committed costs on my own.

Bettyfood · 15/06/2018 10:36

I think ask pregnant woman to pay first. Especially if you had told her in advance she, or you, or the others, would be liable to still pay everything if she cancels when they made the commitment to come along.

If she won't pay up then explain the situation to the others and ask for the extra €20.

MrsPreston11 · 15/06/2018 10:41

I pulled out of a hen do due to miscarriage.

Still paid.

She should still pay.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 15/06/2018 10:44

Are they paying for You?

PuppyMonkey · 15/06/2018 10:51

So, excuse me for being a bit thick, but the cost has gone up from 65 euros pp to 85 euros pp? I mean, it's not the end of the world is it? An extra £20? Euros I mean..

Or have I not understood?

FairyFace · 15/06/2018 10:56

Something similar happened on my hen do, I actually organised it all and kept the costs down to a minimum and paid for myself, but un beknownst to me the bridesmaids made every one pay 20 quid each for a stripper for me, needless to say all my aunts were fuming they had to pay it on the spot which can be either seen as mean or that they shouldn't have sprung it on the group like that , I was left in a position where I didn't know the bmaids had organised this so couldn't do much about the aunts and a few others getting the hump for having to contribute to my " somewhat disappointing 5ft surprise" lol

LighthouseSouth · 15/06/2018 10:57

ask her to pay

she can technically still go but doesn't want to

she doesn't have an issue that would allow her to claim on travel insurance

so I don't understand why anyone should pay her costs.

lifechangesforever · 15/06/2018 12:19

I'll never understand why the bride gets paid for either.. It's more than enough asking people for themselves to go, without having to cover the bride as well. She should pay for herself if the friend can't/won't pay.

Celticlassie · 15/06/2018 12:23

I don't think you should pay for bride. It's her choice to have an extravagant hen. You could go to her and say 'we were going to pay for you but not Preg has dropped out we can't afford to so you'll have to pay for yourself.'

Trinity66 · 15/06/2018 12:29

I don't understand why were you getting your trip paid for by the others? I've heard of brides being paid for but paying for bridesmaids is kind of cheeky

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/06/2018 12:41

I just feel mean and hate asking for money!

In view of this, can I ask how you're planning to handle things if when you get more drop outs?

Wallywobbles · 15/06/2018 12:44

@Trinity66. There should be a comma in the original post. She's not being paid for. Read the OP again and add a comma.

Trinity66 · 15/06/2018 12:51

@Trinity66. There should be a comma in the original post. She's not being paid for. Read the OP again and add a comma.

Oh amazing how something so small can change the whole meaning of a sentence!

To the OP, ask them for the money and tell them why

Original poster

catmumof1 · 15/06/2018 12:54

She's agreed to pay her share :D

OP posts:

snewname · 15/06/2018 12:57

Great. It would have been a shame if she hadn't, because it would have certainly affected the friendships.

expatinscotland · 15/06/2018 14:27

Good! I'd get the rest from them now before more folks pull out and never, ever organise another one of these monstrosities again. If the bride wants some abroad do she needs to pay for herself and take the financial hit.

Summerlovin24 · 17/06/2018 09:01

I agrer bride shouldnt be paid for. We fork out £ to get to hen do, for accommodatuon, food, drink etc then there is the cost of going to wedding and buying a present.

Person who pulled out sd pay but if you didnt specify at start (why wd you) she will carry on being cheeky and expect not to pay. Its rude and i wd pay but people are like that. Split the cost with everyone attending, including the bride. You are doing more than enpugh by organising. Lesson learmed hey

Marmablade · 17/06/2018 21:37

Good outcome! Absolutely no one but her should be responsible for her share.

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