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Original poster

Consequences for 18 year old?

45 replies

AnonymousNumber · 14/06/2018 18:42

If your 18 yo DS or DD, who were off school/college but right in the middle of A level exams, had their GF/BF over during the day and did the following:

  • left the gas on to the extent you could smell it when you walked in the front door
  • used every pan you own to cook a simple pasta dish with a jar of sauce
  • burnt pasta to the bottom of your only rice/pasta pan and left it for you to deal with when you got home from work
  • left plates on the side with food still on when you have a dishwasher

how would you deal with that and what consequences, if any, would there be?

OP posts:
ecuse · 14/06/2018 18:48
araiwa · 14/06/2018 18:49

They clean it all up

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 14/06/2018 18:50

I'd get them to clean it and teach them to cook properly

HmmGrey · 14/06/2018 18:51

Explain the stupidity and possible consequences of leaving the gas on. Instruct DD/DS to sort out mess as soon as I witnessed it.
Tell DD/DS to be more respectful otherwise their GF/BF won’t be allowed round

Fruitcorner123 · 14/06/2018 18:52

They would have to clean it all up.

Firm discussion about gas being left on

ecuse · 14/06/2018 18:55

To clarify above - exasperated bollocking and making them clear up. By ' no consequences' I meant no 'punishment'!

Topseyt · 14/06/2018 18:59

Make them clean it up. Immediately. One of my unbreakable rules is that the clearing up must be done and not left. I even once made DD1 return home from a friend's house to do her washing up, as she had just left it. She didn't like me much for that, but she certainly didn't repeat it.

As for the gas being left on, I'd read the riot act about the dangers of that and tell them that if they couldn't be more responsible than that then they were obviously too immature to cook and would be banned from using the hob for now. They could live on sandwiches.

NewYearNewMe18 · 14/06/2018 19:01

Im disappointed! No one has trundled in yet to tell you they are lazy, entitled, should pay their way, be kicked out or tell you their ASD child does the same.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/06/2018 19:01

I’d have a serious conversation about the gas.

Everything else I would leave. Time for that stress after the exams, not during.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/06/2018 19:02

Grin @ NewYear oh I’m sure they’ll be along shortly...

TeenagersandFurbabies · 14/06/2018 19:03

They would get a proper bollocking about leaving the gas on and not cleaning up after themselves. Then they would have to clean up their mess or off goes the WiFi.
By the way I have 3 D.C. aged 26(no longer at home), 19 & 14.

Notso · 14/06/2018 19:08

Difficult about the gas, maybe spam them with fire safety you tube videos? That old public information advert about what to do in a gas leak used to petrify me!

The mess they would have to clean up and buy a new pan if necessary.

You have my sympathies, my own 18 year old left the front door unlocked, the back door unlocked and open, the TV on and helpfully took her own stuff out the washing machine to dry and left everyone else's all over the floor.

FASH84 · 14/06/2018 19:11

Dump the whole lot on her bed and change the WiFi password, cleaning up on its own isn't a punishment it's just what she should've done in the first place, and if she's not mature enough to know how gas works I wonder if she's mature enough to have her boyfriend round to an empty house (wouldn't go ahead with the final one yet if this is a one off, but it's a question to ask her). - reverse genders as needed.

Original poster
AnonymousNumber · 14/06/2018 19:19

Thanks everyone.

Reason I’m asking is that DS and I recently had a huge argument about his lack of help in the house. I only expect him to do the recycling but he will ‘forget’ to do it for weeks in a row or conveniently be out of the house the evening before refuse collection. This wasn’t the first time either, we’ll have a huge argument about this same issue every few months.

I can’t talk to him about it as he has a massive tantrum and moves out to my parents’ house for a few days, where there are no expectations or rules. He’s a really good lad 99% of the time, very sensible and helps my parents out a lot as they practically have full time care of my sister’s 4 dc and they can’t cope without him. They give him an allowance and pay for his mobile phone so I can’t withdraw that as a consequence.

I’m deeply depressed at the moment and I’m not coping. Coming home to that is enough to push me to tears. But I just have to get on and deal with it myself as I have two younger dc to feed and he cites ‘exam stress’ or ‘revision’ as to why he can’t clean up.

I have tried to teach him to cook but he’s not interested although he often makes meals for my nieces/nephews. He’s blaming the gas on his GF.

Totally fed up but no idea how to make him (or anyone in my house) care.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 14/06/2018 19:22

Send him to your parents' house for a bit. He's an adult. 'Consequences' aren't going to work.

steff13 · 14/06/2018 19:23

I can’t talk to him about it as he has a massive tantrum and moves out to my parents’ house for a few days

If he does that, you don't have to let him come back. He's an adult, let him know he won't be moving in and out like that.

Teacher21 · 14/06/2018 19:25

Ive twin 18 year old boys in the middle of A levels too. Ive told them if i come home from work and the place isnt as i left it, they will be leaving the house with revision books wheni leave for work and can come home when i get home. The know what time i get home, so a quick clean up 10mins before is a no brainer, even for them 2!!

Original poster
AnonymousNumber · 14/06/2018 22:21

Well, tried to discuss it with him. Asked calmly if we could talk. He refused. Escalated into another screaming match. He stormed out slamming the front door as hard as he could and has disappeared somewhere with his GF.

He’ll be back in a week or two, apologising and we’ll go back to a situation where he does nothing to help and I’m too scared to say anything until I’m at breaking point.

I just can’t deal with this shit anymore. It’s constant crap upon crap upon crap.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 14/06/2018 22:23

Change the locks and tell him he only gets to move back if he starts paying rent (in cash or chores). And mean it.

Original poster
AnonymousNumber · 14/06/2018 22:24

Just received the nastiest text from him calling me some fucking horrible things.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 14/06/2018 22:24

Or tell him he can't move back.

Original poster
AnonymousNumber · 14/06/2018 22:26

He doesn’t want to come back. Says he couldn’t wait to move out. Feel like every man I’ve ever known or been involved with is an abusive arsehole.

I’m so depressed, I can’t cope. I just want to get out but I have to stay for my younger kids.

OP posts:
Sevendown · 14/06/2018 22:28

After his last exam chuck him out.

BarbarianMum · 14/06/2018 22:32

He's talking big now because he's angry. He'll be back in a couple of weeks and that is your chance to stay strong and keep the door shut. Once he learns to respect you (by you being strong and not taking his crap) your relationship may well improve.

And if he does mean it - well then good he's not at home acting entitled and being abusive anymore.

agnurse · 14/06/2018 22:32

He cleans it up, and if he doesn't like the rules, he is out the door.

He's an adult. You can't give him "consequences" apart from kicking him out.

I would strongly encourage that you seek help from a licensed mental health therapist. Your son can't be your emotional Band-Aid. Again, he's an adult. You have the right to make your own rules for your own house, but it's his right to decide to leave if he doesn't like those rules.

Please do NOT phone him up and tell him how depressed you are. He can't be responsible for your happiness.

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