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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not buy the dress on DH's behalf

42 replies

ChildFreeWeek · 14/06/2018 18:35

My DH has been at home during the day with DD whilst I've been at work. When I phoned to let him know which train I was on this evening, he said he wanted to pick me up from the station so that he could buy DD a new dress for Eid (probably tomorrow), which she would wear. I was surprised as I thought he would just want to sleep, but he wanted to go: he works nights and is only having a bit of sleep (between 2 and 4) when I get home. He did say or we go tomorrow as I have a half day, but I said no as I'm travelling with DD in the afternoon and don't want to waste time shopping.

Anyway he picks me up and says, I have a plan you take DD buy yourselves the new clothes (on his card) and get something to eat... I asked what was he going to do, sit in the car? No, go home and sleep as he was tired (understandably). So I said no I'm not bothered about the new clothes, lets just go home. He's got the ump and we've argued, he's insisted on coming home, changing and taking DD out by himself to buy the clothes.

My argument is he's awake during the day and he could do it then, but is being lazy and letting me sort it out. I do know he's very tired, but he has form for this. When he hasn't had a job and at home with DD he could get the necessary groceries during the day, but he didn't as he didn't have time (too busy looking at his phone), so I get everything on the way home or go in the evening.

I think he should sort it out himself, as he could have thought ahead and bought it this last weekend, when he had a day off. I'm fed up of working full time, picking up all the stuff (housework/DIY/errands) he can't be bothered to do/complete. Most bills, contracts, car , lease are in my name so I sort that as well. I'm going to stop now as this rant could go on and on.

FYI I'm not muslim, so this is what's important to him. It's not as though I get him to go and buy the Christmas presents for my male relatives, or that he would even offer.

OP posts:

Ellendegeneres · 14/06/2018 18:39

Yanbu. Eid is tomorrow, it’s important to him and he’s had all day to do it, he can sulk all he likes but you’re not responsible for his bad mood and don’t let him convince you otherwise

ecuse · 14/06/2018 18:40

I think this falls under the category of "if it bothers him, he sorts it". So - good that he's gone out to do it if he wants to, no reason for him to have the hump with you.

Fruitcorner123 · 14/06/2018 18:41

YANBU if he wanted her to have a new outfit he should have got himself organised. As for not buying food when he didn't work that is just lazy!

Original poster

ChildFreeWeek · 14/06/2018 20:07

Aarghhh, hes a fucking arse. They've been home an hour and a half, DH has drunk coffee, spent 45 minutes on the phone and is now getting ready for work. So no sleep today! He's going to be an even more difficult than usual, git tomorrow. At least DD and I are going away for a couple of days.

DD is very happy with her Peppa Pig dress through.

OP posts:

Passportto · 14/06/2018 20:12

Peppa Pig for Eid? I'm sorry if it's disrespectful, it's not meant to be, but that did make me chuckle.

I hope you all have a lovely celebration.

Oldraver · 14/06/2018 20:17

Why is he not sleeping if he is working nights ? is it because he is looking after DD ?

Pa1oma · 14/06/2018 20:34

If he's working nights and only getting a couple of hours sleep in between, he will end up delirious! It's very difficult to think or plan when your body clock is permanently messed up.
I can't speak for the wider situation, but I think on this occasion you should give him a break. Eid is only once a year. He'll be too shattered anyway, by the sound of it!

silkpyjamasallday · 14/06/2018 20:41

Do you usually chose your daughters clothes? Maybe he thought you would want to chose your DDs dress for his special occasion, and it was supposed to be a nice gesture by giving you his card to buy the dress - rather than just dropping you off to do a chore that he couldn’t be bothered with and pay for it out of your money too.

DuchyDuke · 14/06/2018 20:45

Why are you with him? Sounds like you loathe him, especially if you’re getting your dd Peppa Pig dresses for Eid!

LampHat · 14/06/2018 20:46

Is she really wearing a Peppa Pig dress for Eid?!

Red2017 · 14/06/2018 20:52

@Pa1oma
We celebrate Eid twice a year
Eid al Fitr which is tomorrow and then Eid al Adha

Original poster

ChildFreeWeek · 14/06/2018 20:57

Thanks @Passportto. It could be worse, she could be eating her! It gets better, DH and his friends are having a piss up to celebrate.

@Oldraver. Yes during the day. He's temping with an agency. The work was supposed to to be for a month, 4 on 4 off. I thought he wouldn't stick with as it means him getting a couple of hours in the day when DD naps, then 4 when I'm home. This is best case scenario. He did the month and then the agency asked hi to do another 7 days in a row. If we were to send DD to the childminder we used before, he would probably be bringing in £15 a day after tax and childcare and travel expenses, which he doesn't want to do. Also we would need to give four weeks notice to the childminder so could be paying out when he doesn't have work. I think he should wait for something more suitable when we've found somewhere to live. It likely DD will live with relatives for a bit and he will then have flexibility with work.

OP posts:

SEsofty · 14/06/2018 21:01

I too am giggling about peppa for eid. Kind of sums up wonderful Britain in a weird way

LighthouseSouth · 14/06/2018 21:14

he has form for doing nothing when he wants a task done? and unnecessary tasks?

that's pretty poor. Also, you are going away - so what, he won't even see her in the dress on the day?

MumofBoysx2 · 14/06/2018 21:14

If he is working nights and looking after your daughter during the day he must be shattered!

elephantscanring · 14/06/2018 21:14

So he’s Muslim but drinks? He picks and chooses which bits of his religion to support, then...

halfwitpicker · 14/06/2018 21:17

Passportto · 14/06/2018 21:18

Not terribly different to all the "Christians" who like a bit of Christmas and Hot Cross buns elephant. It can be cultural as much as it's religious.

Pinguine · 14/06/2018 21:25

So he’s Muslim but drinks? He picks and chooses which bits of his religion to support, then...

Eeek, I guess the vast majority of us should stop celebrating Christmas, as we don't attend church every sunday.

Bloody hell, seriously, get a grip. Islam is just another religion, same as any other.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/06/2018 21:31

I am also rather cheered at the idea of celebrating Eid with a Peppa Pig outfit and a piss up. There are plenty of people who were raised in Muslim families but who are about as 'religious' as those people raised in Christian homes who might make it to something like Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve but otherwise regard church as just for weddings and funerals. I think that's healthy and to be encouraged.

MikeUniformMike · 14/06/2018 21:31

OP said "drink coffee" not just "drink". PeppaPig!

Passportto · 14/06/2018 21:38

No Mike OP said "DH and his friends are having a piss up to celebrate"

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 14/06/2018 21:44

Eid Mubarak @ChildFreeWeek Hope that you have a lovely time...

MikeUniformMike · 14/06/2018 21:46

Ooh! Oops! Are they having a hog roast too?

Original poster

ChildFreeWeek · 14/06/2018 21:47

From how DH has explained it (I've never studied the qu'ran) it's that pigs are omnivores, which is why the are considered unclean. So muslims should not eat any creatures that are omnivores/carnivores. He'll never eat shark etc. I can't think of what else. @Red2017 correct me if I'm wrong though. Wishing you and your family Eid Murbarak.

Yes it was meant to be a nice gesture, yes he is shattered, so I said he should just stay at home. But he insisted he wanted to go only to then say it be better for me to get it for him as he is tired and wants to sleep. I don't know why he tells me he wants to do something only to not do it.. E.g.when I told him DD and were going to an old friends for dinner but said DH wouldn't be going (the previous time he complained of being bored and next time to go without him), he tells me he wants to go, so I let friend know he will be coming. On the day, just before we go he tells he doesn't want to go, and I should go without him. I then make him go as they've prepared dinner for him as he had insisted that he wanted to go. If he has no intention of following through why say that he will do something.

@DuchyDuke. Loathe is a bit extreme, but I'm at the end of my tether. I do keep saying that he needs to get his head out of his arse/clouds. If he had asked me if I would get the dress earlier, I could have planned it, I wouldn't have been so annoyed. The shop is 10 min walk from station then 25 min walk home. He's known Eid is coming for a while, it isnt a surprise out of the blue. I liken it to asking someone to sort out a Christmas present on 24th December in the evening. Obviously it isn't as busy now as in December, nor is it a BH tomorrow.

OP posts:

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