To not buy the dress on DH's behalf

[ChildFreeWeek]

My DH has been at home during the day with DD whilst I've been at work. When I phoned to let him know which train I was on this evening, he said he wanted to pick me up from the station so that he could buy DD a new dress for Eid (probably tomorrow), which she would wear. I was surprised as I thought he would just want to sleep, but he wanted to go: he works nights and is only having a bit of sleep (between 2 and 4) when I get home. He did say or we go tomorrow as I have a half day, but I said no as I'm travelling with DD in the afternoon and don't want to waste time shopping.

Anyway he picks me up and says, I have a plan you take DD buy yourselves the new clothes (on his card) and get something to eat... I asked what was he going to do, sit in the car? No, go home and sleep as he was tired (understandably). So I said no I'm not bothered about the new clothes, lets just go home. He's got the ump and we've argued, he's insisted on coming home, changing and taking DD out by himself to buy the clothes.

My argument is he's awake during the day and he could do it then, but is being lazy and letting me sort it out. I do know he's very tired, but he has form for this. When he hasn't had a job and at home with DD he could get the necessary groceries during the day, but he didn't as he didn't have time (too busy looking at his phone), so I get everything on the way home or go in the evening.

I think he should sort it out himself, as he could have thought ahead and bought it this last weekend, when he had a day off. I'm fed up of working full time, picking up all the stuff (housework/DIY/errands) he can't be bothered to do/complete. Most bills, contracts, car , lease are in my name so I sort that as well. I'm going to stop now as this rant could go on and on.

FYI I'm not muslim, so this is what's important to him. It's not as though I get him to go and buy the Christmas presents for my male relatives, or that he would even offer.

This is more of a cultural thing, Egyptian. Of his that I know, most of them will drink at big celebrations such as Eid, or a family party (my side) but not regularly DH says it's drinking to get pissed, there isn't much point of having just a couple of drinks . Whereas the British muslims I know are either non-drinkers (majority) or regular drinkers. However I've never met a muslim that would eat pork.

@ChildFreeWeek

Its actually a huge misconception that it is due to pigs being dirty .. one of the reasons is that pigs are one of the closest to human anatomy

I think it's the fact that he sort of tricked you into thinking he was going to do it, then tried to ditch out and leave it to you at the last minute that makes it so infuriating. He said "I want to buy the dress" but he never had any intention of doing that, his plan was always to just offload the task to you at the earliest chance. It's very disrespectful. I remember we were on our way home from a day out once and I told DP that we needed to go to the supermarket to get food for dinner and asked him which one he thought we should we go to. There are 2, they take equal time to get to from where we were, but one we needed to go backwards to before going home, the other we needed to go past our home to get to, then go back (if that makes sense). He said "lets go to the one past the house" which meant walking past the house to get to it, then as we passed the house he suddenly said "oh, why don't you just go on to the shop and I'll wait at home for you." I was so angry because that had obviously been his plan all along, to let me think we were going together then ditch out on me once we reached the house. I told him nice try but nope, he could go by himself and I'd chill at home and wait for him, and he'd better never try to pull that shit with me again. I was in my first trimester and really sick and tired, so if either of us should have gone alone it obviously should have been him. It sounds so petty but to this day it really boils my blood how he thought he could get away with being so rude. He's never usually like that but it was so obviously a deliberate tactic to get me to do it for him!

So he's flaky and disorganised

He needs to grow up.

As far as I am aware alcohol is forbidden. Google it.

A lot of things come up in google searches peer reviewed articles and then wikipedia, which can be edited by anyone regardless of their expertise or lack of. I was told that's interpreted differently by different people: but being intoxicated is the sin and one should always pray without having one's judgement impaired, ie sober and not drunk. So drinking a 0.5% beer should be fine if the person is large high alcohol tolerance.

We don't only allow what scholars would call perfect christians to celebrate christmas and we should have the same attitude towards Eid.
Although I did think the students at my sixth form who took the day off to get drunk to celebrate Eid and then did the same thing on Diwali were taking the piss slightly...

This is a reverse.

Getting pissed is not drinking 0.5% alcohol when you have a high tolerance.

I am also rather cheered at the idea of celebrating Eid with a Peppa Pig outfit and a piss up. Me too.

I'm an atheist who embraces Christmas and some food aspects of Easter. Why not?

If he's fasting and working shifts he must be knackered though. I do feel some sympathy there.

Is he a Muslim? And if so, why does he drink? Isn't that haram (not sure of spelling)?

Sorry, please excuse my previous post, I posted without refreshing the page.

Sorry I’m just s bit confused.

He works 2 jobs and watches DD in his few hours off?

How old is DD?

Are you not worried about his health and mental state with lack of sleep?

It sounds like he wanted to do it then realised he was actually too exhausted to.
Nightshifts without enough sleep really mess with your body, I've done it and you'll feel fine one minute then suddenly crash where the lack of sleep catches up with you and feel completely exhausted.
Try letting him get more sleep and see if things improve.

The guy is entitled to practice his religion any way he wants - drink, eat pork, never pray, never fast. Or alternatively fast strictly, pray 5 times a day and adhere strictly to the dietary code and alcohol ban. There are plenty of Jews and Christians who interpret their faith differently and practice it to different standards. Why wouldn't it be the same for Muslims?

But that's not the point of the thread... OP, I agree your DH should have bought the dress etc for your DD when he was home with her during the day. My guess is he didn't want the hassle of going clothes shopping with her and thought you could do it but for a big event like Eid, if it's important to him, he should have made the effort to prepare.

For the whiners: everyone who is a member of a religion picks and chooses the bits they want to follow. Don't forget, all these myth systems and assorted taboos and rituals were made up by some bloke or other in the first place, and have been adapted by lots of different people over the centuries.